AITAH for kicking my gf out for diagnosing me?

Every relationship has its delicate balance, and sometimes even the smallest house rule can tip the scales. In this case, a man’s steadfast routine—central to managing his anxiety—became the battleground for respect and personal boundaries. When his girlfriend continually mocked his carefully structured habits by suggesting he might be autistic, things escalated from a minor annoyance to full-blown relationship conflict.

After months of repeatedly being accused in a demeaning way for something as simple as not loading dishes into the dishwasher, he reached his breaking point. His decision to insist on respect for his well-established routine ultimately led him to ask her to leave his home. What started as a request for basic courtesy spiraled into a confrontation about identity and respect.

‘AITAH for kicking my gf out for diagnosing me?’

I (M, 36) have been dating Mandy (F, 34) for six months. My place is closer to her work, so she sleeps over a few nights a week and has a key. She also finishes work earlier than I do, so she usually gets to my place before me. I have anxiety and see a therapist once a month. I manage it by maintaining routines and schedules.

For example, when I get home, I feed my cat first, then wash my hands, start cooking, and then clean up. I don’t expect her to do anything around my house, but I do expect her to at least put her dirty dishes in the dishwasher. When I explained this to her, she asked, “Are you autistic?” I said I didn’t think so, and added that this is just basic courtesy.

Even if I was autistic, I’d still expect the same. But she kept doing it. I came home again to dirty dishes all over, she uses bowls for snacks and cups for drinks. When I asked her why she didn’t put them in the dishwasher, she replied, “There’s that ’tism again! You really need to get tested.”

Last night, when I got home, she asked me to grab her a can of Coke. I said I’d do it after I fed my cat. She yelled, “You autistic f**k! You can’t even break your routine for a can of Coke! How long are you gonna be in denial? Just get tested!”

I told her to leave! whether I’m autistic or not is none of her business. She got mad and left. Later, she sent me a bunch of TikToks about autism, saying she was just trying to help.. Was I the a**hole? I don’t like my house being dirty!

When personal boundaries are repeatedly disrespected, even seemingly minor issues can become major points of contention in a relationship. Experts in relationship counseling emphasize that mutual respect is the cornerstone of any healthy partnership. A professional counselor might say that one should be able to discuss and implement personal routines without being ridiculed or dismissed outright.

For instance, Dr. Brené Brown has often highlighted that “vulnerability is not a weakness; it is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.” This insight is particularly relevant here as the narrator’s routines—although they may seem trivial to some—are his way of managing anxiety and preserving his mental health. When these routines are mocked, it is not only disrespectful but can also undermine his well-being.

Broadening the discussion, experts warn against using sensitive personal issues, such as mental health or neurodiversity, as weapons in interpersonal conflicts. Behavior that crosses this line is often seen as a form of gaslighting, where one partner invalidates the other’s legitimate needs under the guise of concern or humor. Maintaining a respectful dialogue about each partner’s boundaries and mental health practices is crucial. In this case, the narrator’s decision to kick out his girlfriend is supported by many professionals as a necessary step to protect his mental space and integrity.

Furthermore, relationship experts recommend that when recurring patterns of disrespect arise, couples should consider therapeutic intervention. If healthy communication cannot be restored, setting clear limits—sometimes even stepping away from the relationship—becomes critical. His reaction, though drastic to some, aligns with the broader understanding that self-respect and personal well-being must come first.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users overwhelmingly support his decision. Many agree that asking someone to load their dishes is a minimal expectation and that mocking mental health management is unacceptable. Comments urge him to reclaim his space and not tolerate such toxic behavior.

Thistime232 − NTA. She wasn't trying to help you, she was gaslighting you into thinking that your reasonable requests are the result of undiagnosed autism. Asking someone to put dirty dishes in the dishwasher is an incredibly small ask. She can also grab her own can of coke. Also, even if you are autistic, the way to deal with that isn't to call you an autistic f**k. She's awful, d**p her.

writing_mm_romance − NTA, she sounds toxic as f**k though.

ConversationGlass143 − NTA. Your place, your rules, your routine.

RevolutionaryDiet686 − NTA Get your key back.

AdOld5257 − NTA she only is using this autism thing as a way to insult you, and I bet if you did get tested and it went positive she’d only use it to manipulate you instead of actually trying to help. BREAK UP WITH HER u don’t need someone like that in your life.

But I do recommend that if you genuinely believe you may have autism for reasons unrelated to her to get tested! It can help so much in knowing how to handle situations + depending on where you live you can get paid disability checks

boscoroni − Rule Number One in dating has been violated.. Let me repeat Rule Number One:. Do not date anyone crazier than you.. eom

LooksUnderLeaves − That is just purely bad manners and she is a slob on top of it. And a b**ch.. Get your key and keep doing what you're doing.. Except seeing Mandy. Stop doing that.

EffectiveSet4534 − D**p her and live in peace. That's the equivalent to when women disagree with someone and they ask

degenerate-titlicker − Hahaha she sent you TikToks? Do Americans seriously use TikTok as a source of actual information??

leahhalt0nx06d − NTA. What she did wasn’t “help,” it was gaslighting under the guise of concern. Suggesting someone is autistic — repeatedly, mockingly, and without their openness is demeaning. You have every right to kick someone out who mocks your mental health management. That’s not love, that’s control dressed up as concern.

In conclusion, this story highlights the importance of respecting personal boundaries and maintaining self-respect in a relationship. The narrator’s decision to enforce his house rules—and ultimately ask his girlfriend to leave—underscores that basic courtesy should never be undermined by insensitive remarks.

While his reaction may seem severe to some, it serves as a reminder that self-care is paramount. What are your non-negotiable boundaries in relationships? Have you ever had to stand up for your personal needs despite external pressures? Share your thoughts and experiences in the discussion below.

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