AITAH for insisting I’ll get a surgery even if it upsets my family?

A 20-year-old woman battles excruciating endometriosis pain while her grandmother and mother demand she abandon surgery and medication to preserve future fertility they feel entitled to. Doctors confirm laparoscopy as the gold standard for relief, yet family dismisses medical facts, insisting skipped periods harm her and complications could deny them grandchildren.

Simultaneous with scheduling the procedure, accusations of selfishness fly. Beyond that, the patient reveals pregnancy itself may prove unsafe. What makes the story more complicated, well-meaning ignorance clashes with bodily autonomy. The knot tightens as pressure mounts to endure agony for hypothetical babies.

'AITAH for insisting I’ll get a surgery even if it upsets my family?'

Daily life crumbled under worsening symptoms despite treatment.

I’m 20 and have a medical condition called endometriosis. My doctors advised me to avoid medication that contains estrogen for safety reasons, so I take progesterone-only pills to help control...

Hope arrived via upcoming surgery, shadowed by opposition.

After years of being told that my pain was “normal,” I finally have a consultation scheduled for a laparoscopy to remove the endometriosis. I’ve been keeping my family updated, but...

She insists the surgery will harm my fertility and do more harm than good — which isn’t true. I’ve tried explaining that, but she refuses to believe it. She’s even...

Periods meant total incapacitation, ignored by relatives.

What she doesn’t understand is that my periods are unbearable. The pain is so bad that I can’t move, sleep, or do daily activities. My doctors have confirmed that this...

Still, my grandma and even my mom keep suggesting there must be other ways, which there aren’t.

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Fertility fears trumped her suffering in their eyes.

They say I’m being selfish and that complications could make it harder for me to have children someday — even though I recently found out that pregnancy might already be...

I told them it’s my body, my health, and my decision, and that I’m going through with the surgery no matter what they think. I may have sounded harsh, but...

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Resolve hardened amid backlash.

Now they’re upset and calling me stubborn, but I just need to take care of myself. Maybe they mean well, but I’m not changing my mind. Am I really wrong...

Gratitude followed community support.

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(Edit: Thank you to everyone who shared advice on setting boundaries and standing firm with family. It really means a lot.)

Generational clashes over reproductive health ignite when pain meets outdated beliefs. The patient asserts autonomy against family viewing her primarily as future mother. Opposing sides pit evidence-based medicine versus folklore—surgery risks versus unchecked disease progression that scars organs.

Parallel invalidation echoes common endometriosis experiences, where symptoms get minimized until quality of life collapses. Gynecologist DrDr. Tamer Seckin, founder of the Endometriosis Foundation of America, states: “Excision surgery remains the gold standard for diagnosis and treatment; delaying it allows adhesions to worsen infertility chances.” Untreated endo often blocks tubes or damages ovaries far more than precise removal.

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Socially, the conflict exposes entitlement to women’s bodies—grandchildren prioritized over present agony. Broader discourse reveals cultural lags in accepting chronic illness in young females, with patients counseled to limit medical sharing with unsupportive kin to preserve mental bandwidth for healing.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Users overwhelmingly backed the surgery, slamming family for valuing potential grandkids over her daily torment.

peakpenguins − Huge NTA. Your family really sucks for trying to pressure you into not doing this. It wouldn't be fair *to them* if you can't have children? F__k all...

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ManagementFinal3345 − NTA. Your family is looking at you like a walking womb instead of a person. They think they are owed and own your uterus and should be allowed...

Senior-Head-738 − NTA I have had this surgery twice and I’m still fertile. leaving the endo inside is MORE of a risk of infertility I believe, due to the potential...

SapphireSigma − NTA but stop disclosing private health information to people who don't support you and your decisions. The pain doesn't affect them, so they'll never be able to relate.

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mcgaffen − You say they care about you, but if they actually cared about you, they would be offering to drive you to the hospital, helping you through recovery. But...

Total BS. My wife had this surgery, followed closely by a hysterectomy. Changed her life. Her endo was bad. People who haven't had it just don't understand.

A couple responses urged firm boundaries without total condemnation, focusing on education and info diets.

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DiligentPenguin16 − NTA. You are doing what you and your medical team have decided is best. Your mom and grandma have no idea what they are talking about, and need...

Most people have the urge to explain ourselves in a desire to be understood and to avoid potential hurt feelings. When you try to Justify/Argue/Defend/Explain why you made a particular...

When you try to Justify/Argue/Defend/Explain why you made a particular decision to a pushy/unreasonable/boundary stomping person *they’ll* see your reasons only as an opening for debate and something for them...

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**They don’t care** what you want or what your reasonings are, ALL they care about is getting their way and they will use *any* bits of information you give them...

*It is pointless to JADE yourself to them* ***so don’t! *** Stop engaging in discussions about this topic with your mom and grandma, instead shut it down and change the...

Something like “that’s not an option”, “that doesn’t work for me”, “my decision is final”, “this isn’t up for discussion”, and the simple but classic “no” are all phrases that...

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They don’t need any more information from you than that (*because by now they’ve already heard everything you have to say and decided to argue again anyways*), so **do not...

**” Keep using a variation of that reply no matter what: It’s not an option *because it’s not an option*. Why is it not an option? *Because it’s not*. Repeat...

They can't form an argument against the word "no" and nothing else, and they can't argue with someone who refuses to talk about the subject entirely. *Be ready and willing...

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DO NOT engage with their guilt tripping, accusations of “selfishness”, put downs and insults, or sob stories. It’s all just manipulation tactics and crocodile tears. Continue to firmly shut them...

Drop the subject or I will have to leave/hang up. **. ” Then *immediately* follow through if they continue to refuse to respect your decision: “**I asked you to stop....

**” Then promptly walk away (or hang up) without letting them get another word in. Boundary stomping requires consequences, you have to teach your mom and grandma that if they...

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SilverMoon7384 − I have adenomyosis, my cramps are painful but nothing compared to high level endo. Endo can be absolutely excruciating. You should tell them if the endo isn’t removed...

Then you WILL be infertile. No one has the right to tell you to stay in pain for THEM. The surgery is the right thing to do and it is...

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Source: stepbrother in laws wife had stage four endo removed last year and got pregnant within two months of trying! And this is coming from someone with unexplained infertility who...

Light quips highlighted the absurdity of suffering for others’ dreams.

Live_Government_678 − Nta, going through torture because someone else has bad information is kind of crazy

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Pavlinika − I get they just care about me. No they don't

Some other comments from readers.

BlueGreen_1956 − NTA You do what's best for you. And I suggest not being around your family might well be what's best for you. "It wouldn’t be fair to them...

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FairyPenguinStKilda − When they have a medical degree, and years of specialist practice, then can give you advice. There are some really weird thoughts on this forum about birth,

birthing mothers and womens bodies, and they seem to be very much from the USA. Endometriosis is incredibly painful,a nd if you can get it dealt with early and recover...

Catmomma- − As someone who is currently recovering from my second endometriosis excision lap, get the surgery. They can be pissed all they want, but don't sacrifice your physical and...

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Check out Endometriosis Foundation of America for resources to educate them if you feel like they would be willing to listen (and for yourself).

Endometriosis is a terrible disease (yes, an incurable disease that the gold standard of treatment is excision) and no one should have to suffer. Sending you love, fellow Endo Warrior.

IntrovertedBrawler − They only see you as a breeder. That's more important to them than your pain.

golfergirl72 − NTA Your family is ignorant. Laparoscopic surgery is considered to be the most effective way to treat endometriosis-associated infertility. https://obgyn. onlinelibrary. wiley. com

[Reddit User] − NTA. You mean these "family" members want you to suffer incredible pain every month? Boy, what nice people. They don't own your body; you do. I'm honestly...

The standoff crystallizes bodily autonomy versus familial expectations, with medical consensus favoring surgery while relatives cling to fertility myths. Consensus affirms prioritizing pain-free living over appeasing grandbaby fever. How have you handled family doubting your chronic illness treatments? What phrases shut down unwanted medical advice effectively? Share below.

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