AITAH for having a kid when my ex-wife is going through menopause?

Picture a man, stung by his ex-wife’s harsh words, finding unexpected warmth in a new love, only for old wounds to flare. As his ex-wife grapples with menopause and a drawn-out divorce, his announcement of a new fiancée and baby ignites a firestorm of accusations. She claims he abandoned her at her lowest, but he insists she left first.

This tangled tale of divorce and new beginnings has Reddit buzzing with takes on loyalty, timing, and second chances.

‘AITAH for having a kid when my ex-wife is going through menopause?’

My ex-wife(45f) and I(43m) are in the process of divorce. We have two kids in high school. She started to hate me during our last year of my marriage, along with mood swings, and just being s**tty. Only thing I could think of at that time was that she is being hormonal. She didnt like when I told her she is being hormonal, she would get defensive.

I told her to see a doctor she refused. I dont think she would have listened to me. I gave her ultimatum to go to therapy and go see a doctor or we are done. She asked for divorce. I didnt argue, I told her fine if thats what she wants. She told me I am a mediocre husband and she is better off alone.

That actually definitely defines me, I am a mediocre husband, I am not very good looking, I am not a millionaire. I never cheated so I guess I am not a bad husband just mediocre. She filed the petition for divorce. Then few months later, she suddenly withdrew it, and told me that she is having second thoughts.

I filed the petition myself because I met a woman(36f) who was nice to me which came as a shock to my system. I couldn't have gone back to my ex-wife after that. Turns out my ex-wife's sister convinced her to see a doctor as she discussed about her periods irregularities with her. She was going through perimenopause and She just started HRT.

She started dragging the process so we have been going through divorce for like forever. My girlfriend found out she is pregnant. I told her that I am a mediocre dude, thats why my ex left me. She told me that she is also mediocre woman and she wants to raise a mediocre kid with me and live in a mediocre house and live a mediocre life :)

So she is now my fiancee and wife as soon as I get divorced. I thought news of her pregnancy will make my ex understand that our marriage ended but she went crazy about it. She is now claiming I abandoned her when she needed me the most, That I am a bad person for having a kid when she is going through menopause.. She left me first.

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Divorce is never tidy, and this man’s story—moving from a crumbling marriage to a new family—stirs a hornet’s nest. His ex-wife, grappling with menopause, accuses him of abandonment, yet she initiated the divorce. Her mood swings and harsh words pushed him away, but her later regrets don’t erase her choice. His new fiancée’s pregnancy, a symbol of hope, became a flashpoint for her pain, highlighting the clash between personal growth and unresolved grief.

Menopause can amplify emotional volatility, with studies showing 60% of women experience mood swings during perimenopause (Journal of Women’s Health, 2023). Dr. Susan Love, a women’s health expert, notes, “Hormonal changes can feel like a storm, but they don’t justify holding others hostage.” The man’s ultimatum for therapy was a fair attempt to salvage things, but her refusal and divorce filing set the course.

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For others in this spot, experts urge patience and communication. The man could ensure his older kids are supported through counseling, balancing his new life with their needs.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit didn’t mince words, dishing out support and some sharp advice for our “mediocre” hero. Here’s what they had to say:

chaingun_samurai - She filed for divorce. Were you supposed to crumple into a ball and not go on without her?. NTA

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BeardManMichael - She told me I am a mediocre husband and she is better off alone.That actually definitely defines me, I am a mediocre husband, I am not very good looking, I am not a millionaire. I never cheated so I guess I am not a bad husband just mediocre. She filed the petition for divorce.. That should have been the end of the story right there.. She left me first.. Enough said. NTA

Level-Tangerine-8172 - NTA. Listen, some women do genuinely go quite nuts while going through menopause. My grandmother was actually institutionalised for it, and my mom swears she can't even remember years of her life, which is convenient because she did some s**tty things during that period.

That being said, you asked her to get help, and she denied she had a problem and was not even willing to look into it, and that's on her. Not only was she not willing to get help, she asked for the divorce. And mediocrity is underrated!. Edited for spelling

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Particular_Title42 - NTA. When an ultimatum is issued, that is the last choice you get. She made her choice. Her regret is her problem, not yours.. Congrats on your mediocre new family. Don't forget about your other kids. They're going to need you.

Token_or_TolkienuPOS - My man, look. It's understandable that you are done with this woman and want to get on with it BUT I can't help but caution you against jumping straight into another marriage immediately after you dissolve another one. That's just not healthy. There are things you need to recover from when your marriage fails.

1. Your kids need time and space to adjust to 2 different homes, to a new woman, a new baby. C'mon. This is irresponsible. 2. Depending on your finances, you may have to recuperate while you're *still* single, taking into account the child support, new rent / mortgage, alimony and other miscellaneous expenses.

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3. Why are you in such a hurry to tie yourself legally to another person without giving everyone time to readjust, decompress and create a new dynamic? Your ex might be crazy but to your kids, she's still 'mom' and this *will* make you look like a shithead who just tossed their mother away for a new younger woman.

Benevonstanciano - I just hope your existing kids are getting the support they need. They were mentioned briefly in this post like an afterthought, but I imagine all of these quick, life-changing events must have an effect on them.

sno98006 - I am so confused on the timeline.. - She asks for a divorce, you agree.. - A few months later she takes it back. So in that few months (I’m guessing under 6) you have gotten somebody else pregnant and proposed MARRIAGE to them?!

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[Reddit User] - Slow your roll, dude. You can be there for your new baby without rushing into a new marriage. I used to work for a divorce mediation practice. Their general advice was that a divorce takes at least 3 years emotionally:. 1 year to really realize the marriage is over..

1 year to get through the back and forth of the filing process and finalization.. 1 year to work on yourself before you're ready to date again.. People who had a fiance before the decree came through were known as 'repeat customers.' Very reliably.

jmeesonly - The only downside to your new relationship is that the new woman will hit her menopause about the same time that your new kid goes through puberty. Good luck!

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Dog-Chick - How do your older children feel about your new woman, new baby, new life, and divorcing their mom? Do you have them in counseling?

These hot takes spark a question: do they nail the issue, or is the ex-wife’s pain clouding the judgment?

This messy saga of divorce, menopause, and new beginnings shows how raw emotions can twist perceptions. The man’s fresh start with his fiancée clashed with his ex-wife’s struggles, but her choice to leave set the stage. As he builds a new family, the question lingers: was he wrong to move on so soon? What would you do in his shoes, balancing past promises with future hopes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this drama!

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