AITAH for having a go at my friend after she set me up with a single mum knowing I wouldn’t want to date her?

How far would you let friends push your dating boundaries before snapping? One man finally lays down clear rules after messy past relationships, only to face sabotage from someone close. The setup seems perfect until a key detail unravels everything.

A casual laugh about an “older” child turns into outright deception, leaving everyone involved frustrated. This mess exposes the risks of meddling pals who ignore stated preferences. It begs reflection on honesty in matchmaking efforts.

‘AITAH for having a go at my friend after she set me up with a single mum knowing I wouldn’t want to date her?’

Personal history shapes current dating caution.

Please don't pre-judge me folks, it sounds different to what you think.. I (41M) have been single for nearly 2 years now. Dating hasn't been great, but I'm plodding on.

I'm trying to set myself some standards as to who I date now as in the past, I dated anyone interested and it led me to some problematic relationships.

When I state standards, nothing too outlandish - just someone similar to myself in terms of age, looks etc. One of my standards is not dating a single mum with...

Reasons tie back to past parenting struggles.

Now it might seem hypocritical as I have a daughter who's nearly 18, but the way I see it is that I really struggled being the dad to a young...

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter to bits and we get on amazingly now but the fact remains I didn't do a good job and my daughter was...

and the kid got a better version of me she didn't and I also don't want the life that entails parenting young kids - it sucks. So if I date...

Friends persistently ignore these boundaries.

ADVERTISEMENT

My friends see it as a challenge to find me someone - they say they want to see me happy. But they've been trying to set me up with any...

A promising setup raises hopes.

I was chatting to my friend (46F) last week and she says she has a match for me - her yoga teacher friend (43F). I ask a bit about her...

ADVERTISEMENT

I asked if she has kids and she says "oh yeah I think she has a son but he's older I think so you should be ok." I take older...

The date goes well until the truth emerges.

I met her and was really impressed - very pretty, in great shape and just dressed really well. We got on great. I felt really relaxed in her company and...

ADVERTISEMENT

She mentioned she has her son most of this week so would have to be around the weekend. I asked her how old he was and she said he's just...

She's messaged me a couple of times saying she had an amazing time and can't wait for date number 2. I kind of gave a non answer saying I'm busy...

Confrontation reveals deliberate misleading.

ADVERTISEMENT

My friend calls me on Wednesday and asks me what's up, that her friend is asking her if I'm ok as I haven't got back to her. I was angry...

She was all laughing saying "yeah well...8 is older, older than 7 anyway" which I went for fucks sake out loud at. She laughed and said whoops, sorry but you...

She was like "come on mate, you need to stop being so picky. You're getting older now, women have kids and you need to stop being a h__ocrite anyway."

ADVERTISEMENT

Which annoyed me as I've explained to her before and it led to another argument and I hung up. It's really annoyed me. I feel bad for her friend as...

The dispute centers on ignored preferences in matchmaking, where the friend downplays a dealbreaker. The original poster prioritizes past lessons for fair dynamics, while the friend pushes flexibility. Tensions rise from mismatched expectations about happiness.

The original poster draws from regret over early fatherhood shortcomings, fearing repetition. Insecurities about aging fuel pickiness accusations. The friend may project helpful intent, missing how deception erodes trust. Empathy falters without open acknowledgment of boundaries.

ADVERTISEMENT

Relationship expert Dr. Alexandra Solomon observes that “healthy partnerships start with aligned values, communicated without games” (Northwestern University, 2021). This mismatch wasted potential, highlighting why honesty prevents resentment.

State preferences upfront in group chats for clarity. Respond to the date with kind truth: explain the mismatch politely. Cut off setup attempts from repeat offenders. Consult your daughter on comfort levels. Seek matches independently through apps matching criteria.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Social media users largely condemned the friend’s trickery while urging direct communication with the date, dividing into groups on accountability and next moves. Many related to avoiding young kids phase.

ADVERTISEMENT

A strong majority declared the original poster blameless, focusing on the lie.

Otown_rider − Nta, but tell the yoga teacher. You said she was nice and you liked her so I'd tell her the truth that one thing about you was you...

People should try to learn from every encounter but she cant learn if she doesn't know the truth. Plus you will be more respected if you are completely honest.

ADVERTISEMENT

reallynotsohappy − NTA. Your friend is a huge a__hole, it sounds like she enjoyed having "tricked" you. But if I were you, considering you had decent time with the person...

(clearly and to the point, like you did in this post) instead of leaving her hanging like this. That would be the nice thing to do.

QueenOfPerverts − NTA but stop trusting this "friend" to set you up when she sees your very valid preferences as unrealistic standards.

ADVERTISEMENT

Public_Ad_1411 − They lied. And ruined things for you and her. NTAH

Time_Neat_4732 − The only s__tty thing you’ve done is not tell your date how you feel. Let her know it’s not on her, and apologize for not telling her right...

Leogirl08 − NTA. Don’t let that friend set you up anymore. You were very specific about asking the kids age and she intentionally lied to you. Now that lady has...

ADVERTISEMENT

AdventurousTadpole3 − NTA. Your friend deliberately misled you. F__k that noise. That's not a friend. Friends don't do s__t like that.   It's time to set a boundary with your friends.

Make it clear what you will and won't accept with a partner. Or just outright hang up/leave/ignore them if they try to set you up again. You can love your...

Others emphasized explaining to the date to avoid ghosting.

ADVERTISEMENT

mocha_lattes_ − NTA Stop letting your friends set you up. Simple as that. If they can't respect your boundaries then stop allowing them the chance to ignore them. Also don't...

Let her know you have told your friends you don't want to date anyone with young children and the friend lied to you making it seem her son was at...

ADVERTISEMENT

You hope she finds someone who will be a good fit for her then just block and move on. Ghosting her would be a AH move. She also deserves to...

NotPerfectJustHelped − NTA but I would explain to the woman you went on a date with that your friend had given you a false image of her and that your...

It isn't her fault her child is 8, and you don't have a problem with her specifically, the situation is not your preference but you hope she finds someone that...

ADVERTISEMENT

You could also speak with your daughter and ask how she feels about it. It may turn out that she doesn't have a problem with it at all and just...

Forward-Orange9597 − You are NTA for this situation but I can’t imagine being on this earth for 41 years and being unable to say “I’m sorry I think you’re wonderful...

I’m sorry friend put you in this situation as she knew this before she set us up. ” When did we normalise avoiding uncomfortable conversations? If she’s as great as...

ADVERTISEMENT

WinterFront1431 − Your friend is an ahole to you and that woman, so that's two people she dragged into her joke. I think you should explain to the date what...

It has nothing to do with you but I have no desire to start something with someone who has young children, (Friend's name) knew this and I feel like we...

I'm sorry you got dragged into this, i have a daughter who is 18 and wasn't exactly what I'd call an amazing father so it wouldn't be fair to her...

ADVERTISEMENT

Several shared personal parallels on avoiding young children.

[Reddit User] − You sound like you care more about respecting a random person than your "friend" cares about respecting her "friends".

Smitten-kitten83 − I don’t date men with young children. I just don’t want the potential responsibility so I get it. I don’t think you were wrong but to avoid confusion...

HatingOnNames − Nta I’m a mother of a 20 year old and though I’d have been open to dating a man with younger kids at one time, I’m now past...

She’s not much of a friend if she can’t respect your lifestyle choices. No disrespect to other single moms out there. I’ve been there, myself, but eventually everyone reaches a...

DaisyGirl748 − I understand your frustration. I’m in my late 30s, divorced for several years. No children, financially stable, independent. First marriage was truly awful for several reasons. Infidelity, lying,...

At this point in my life, I’m considering dating again, but the pool of people is extremely difficult. I know at this stage of the game most people have children…

But there is a very big difference in dating someone who has older children who are mostly independent and someone with a young child. I met a guy recently who...

I knew he had a child prior, but didn’t know she was that young until we got a little further in the talking process. I admire him for being an...

Some call it selfish, but I’m OK with my decision at this point in my life. I would’ve reconsidered if the child was several years older, but sadly that’s just...

A few years down the road, I might change my mind and reconsider someone with a younger child, but for right now that’s a dealbreaker for me. Don’t compromise what...

Like others have posted, I absolutely recommend you have an honest conversation with her like I did with the guy. I told him that I really admired him, thought he...

but just didn’t see myself being a mother figure to a very young child at this point in my life. He was upset, but appreciated the honesty. I wish you...

This setup gone wrong reinforces that firm dating standards protect everyone from mismatched expectations. It proves friends mean well until they override choices, turning help into harm.

Lesson: communicate dealbreakers widely and handle rejections with grace. Honesty clears air faster than evasion. Do you cut off meddling friends entirely after one stunt? When is ghosting kinder than explaining a no?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *