AITAH for giving my husband exactly what he asked for?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Imagine a cozy home filled with the hum of family life—pets scampering, a teenager’s laughter, and the weight of 23 years of love. At its heart is a 45-year-old woman, juggling kids, pets, finances, and a full-time job while her health crumbles. Her husband, once her rock, now sees her illness as a burden, his patience fraying like an old rope. When a hospital trip sparks a fight, he demands to be “single,” leaving her shattered.

This Reddit tale unfolds with raw emotion: a wife, battling chronic illness, grants her husband’s wish for a month apart, only to be painted as the villain. Her story pulls us into a storm of loyalty, betrayal, and resilience, leaving us wondering—was she wrong to give him exactly what he asked for? Let’s dive into this heart-wrenching saga and see where the truth lies.

‘AITAH for giving my husband exactly what he asked for?’

Me (45) and hubby (42) have been together for 23 years. During those years we’ve been a strong couple and I did everything in my power to create a home that we could grow old in together. I handled all of our finances, taxes, expenses, the kids, the pets (2 dogs, 2 cats, and a snake). I gave affection and made myself available to him whenever he needed.

Over the past number of years my health has been in decline. I’ll admit I haven’t always handled it well. He’d complain that I needed to do more to take care of myself and so I did. At the height of things I was seeing 8 different doctors, taking 10 different medications several times a day and working a full time job.

I just kept getting worse. I needed to sleep 12 hour days just to function but I did it and adjusted everything so that no one would be impacted by my declining health. About 3 weeks ago I was in bad shape. He told me to go to the emergency room. I said that I would Uber so that it wouldn’t impact his schedule.

However, on the day I was so afraid that I asked him to take me. Later, when it was time to go home I felt o**rwhelmed by what happened and I asked him to pick me up. I should have just Uber’s like I said because he came to get me and he was so upset we ended up getting into a huge fight. He said I was inconsiderate of his needs and that I should move out.

I told him I was not going to move out and that if he was unhappy he should leave. He proceeded to tell me that I was incapable of taking care of the house and the family in my condition and I should do the right thing and leave. I wasn’t going to leave the family I built and the life I’d worked so hard to create so time went by (2 weeks) we talked and he told me that he wanted to be single.

He didn’t want to be married to me anymore and that the sorrow he was feeling was so deep that he didn’t know how he was going to get better but that he knew it was inevitable that our marriage would end. A couple of weeks before my birthday I gathered the courage to offer him a one month no contact split and he giddily accepted it only to come to tell me that I better not try to stop him from seeing his daughter.

I broke down sobbing because this man whom I’ve loved for half my life is treating me like I’m this evil villain hell bent on hurting him. In that moment I yelled at him with tears in my eyes that I know the only person he never wants to see again is me and I’ll find a way to come to terms with it but that for 30 days he isn’t welcome in my home. I blocked him from my phone and stopped sharing my location.

I told our daughter (15) that I will support whatever she wants to do and I will be there for her no matter what. She chose to stay but keeps the lines of communication open with her dad. I think that’s healthy and I’m so proud of her but folks are telling me I was wrong to let him leave. AITA here?

This story stings—a marriage unraveling under the weight of illness and unmet expectations. The wife’s dedication to her family shines, yet her husband’s reaction reveals a harsh truth: chronic illness can strain even the strongest bonds. He saw her hospital needs as an inconvenience, not a cry for support. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist and relationship expert, writes, “When one partner feels abandoned, it’s often because the other has emotionally checked out long before the physical exit.”

The husband’s push for separation reflects a broader issue: caregiving disparities in marriages. A 2020 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 34% of couples face increased divorce risk when one spouse has a chronic illness, particularly when the wife is ill. His accusation that she’s “incapable” dismisses her Herculean efforts—managing finances, kids, and pets while seeing eight doctors.

Lerner’s advice to “honor your own needs without guilt” applies here. The wife’s no-contact agreement was a boundary, not abandonment. She’s protecting her peace while supporting her daughter’s relationship with her father—a delicate balance. Readers, consider this: prioritize self-care, seek therapy, and lean on community support. Legal advice, like updating wills, ensures her daughter’s future.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit brought the heat with their takes, and it’s like a group chat with your bluntest friends. Here’s what they had to say:

Fun-Friend-3322 − Girl you need to divorce him asap. He's an absolute garbage human being and you deserve so much better after everything you've done for him.

Acceptable_Cut_7545 − I'm sorry this has happened to you. Sounds like he only cared about you when it was convenient. Cut him out of your life and tell friends and famly what is happening before he goes around trying to create some narrative where you're the bad guy (which is what he was trying to start with the

Tell them not out of pettiness but out of self preservation - he will lie and say this is your fault somehow and you don't need that right now. You need to focus on yourself and daughter and not be dealing with people calling you up and saying this is on you or that you need to

PassComprehensive425 − NTA- He is not going to take care of you as you get sicker. Likely, he is with your replacement right now. The 30 days is to test to see if they can work it out. Go see an attorney and get ready to be served. Or at least update your will, insurance policies, pension, etc so that he doesn't get everything. Make your kids your beneficiaries.

Thin-Policy8127 − Sweetheart, if you're ill and your husband's reaction to you asking him for help is to treat you like you're a burden, it's time to start planning a life without him. he doesn't deserve a month-long hall pass to go f**k other people, only to come back later when he realizes the grass isn't greener on the other side. While he's gone, start setting up your life.

Work on getting training if you need work, or getting on disability if you can. Start reaching out to family and a lawyer. Also, because this is a mutual hall pass (it better be, honey), I would *encourage* you to test the expectations of this situation. As in, go out on dates.

You don't have to sleep with anyone, but I guarantee your husband will start acting very very differently once he knows you're enjoying your free time away from him. He thinks he's the Main Character in this relationship, and as soon as he realizes he's also dismissable, you'll see who he really is and what he really thinks of you--for better or worse.

Oellaatje − Fun fact: Many men divorce their wives if the wives get really sick. Lawyer up.. And get all kinds of medical tests done to find out what's up with you.

Away-Elephant-4323 − NTA he needs to understand he married you during your best and worst, your sickness doesn’t change that! If he’s just gonna give up because of that, that’s not a good partner, was he expecting you twos relationship to be all rainbow and sunshine all the time? That’s not how life works things get tough but you still stick with the person!

BlueGem41 − NTA. Hay you’re not the problem, you sound like you might be burning out from doing it all. Let him go and slow down your pace. You might find that a great deal of your poor health is in part to your husband placing everything on you.

Take your laundry to the laundromat and have them do it, eat your food off paper plates, get throwaway pans for cooking. Go low effort and relax for a month. Get back your peace and sit back and think about what you want. You can’t do anything about him leaving, so focus on yourself. Make a plan.. Let him go.

JollyJeanGiant83 − Is this what you want to teach your daughter she deserves to be treated as?. Boot this man out of your life hard enough to bounce, and show her you both deserve better.

budackee_10 − He's meant to support you through sickness and in health. Do vows not mean anything anymore? He's a s**t person and a s**t husband. You'll be better off without him

BeatriceLush − NTA. He wanted to be single so bad, now he is. Funny how it’s all good until he actually has to deal with the reality of it. You didn’t push him out—he practically sprinted.

These Redditors are serving tea—some call the husband heartless, others urge legal prep. But do their fiery takes capture the full complexity of a 23-year marriage on the rocks?

This wife’s story is a gut-punch: a woman who poured her soul into her family, only to be pushed away when she needed support most. Granting her husband’s wish for space wasn’t weakness—it was strength, a reclaiming of her dignity. Yet, the pain of being cast as the bad guy lingers. If you were in her shoes, would you let him walk or fight for the marriage? Share your thoughts—what does it take to hold love together when life gets messy?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *