AITAH for feeling hurt that I was not invited?

Imagine a lively evening filled with laughter, clinking glasses, and the thrill of a Dungeons & Dragons adventure unfolding around a cozy living room table. For one woman, however, the warmth of her best friend’s game night was overshadowed by a cold sting of exclusion. When her husband, Frank, mentioned he was invited to Lina and Paul’s D&D night—without her—she felt a pang of betrayal, as if she’d been written out of the story entirely.

The hurt deepened when Lina’s curt text offered no real explanation, just a dismissive “sorry if you’re hurt.” It wasn’t about missing the game—she’s no fan of rolling dice—but about the silence and lack of consideration from her closest friend. The emotional weight of being sidelined resonates with anyone who’s felt left out, setting the stage for a tale of friendship, miscommunication, and the quest for understanding.

‘AITAH for feeling hurt that I was not invited?’

My best friend, Lina and her partner, Paul are hosting a special game night- they invited my husband, Frank and not me. My husband told me earlier in the week about this event and I was hurt that I wasn’t invited. I decided to text Lina mid week and ask what their plans were, I thought maybe it was a boys night thing and we could spend the night doing something else.

She said she was in the game. Didn’t add any information or acknowledge that they were excluding me. I was really hurt and I really didn’t know what to say. I found the words this morning and said “I wasn’t invited to the last game night and today’s either. I feel overwhelmingly hurt by that. I feel excluded”.

She said Paul chose specific people for this game and “sorry if not being invited hurt you”. Which is not a real apology. I admit game night is not my favorite thing but I could have hung out anyways and make everyone drinks or play with their cat or observe the game. But at this point it’s not even about wanting to go.

It’s about the lack of communication and regard for my feelings. I asked Lina if she gave it any thought about whether I would wonder why I’m being excluded and feel hurt, I’m waiting for an answer. My husband understands why I’m upset. He also doesn’t want to get involved. He offered to cancel.

I told him I personally wouldn’t spend time with anyone who hurt him but I wouldn’t ask him to miss a night with friends, I’ve been trying to encourage him to put himself out there. I won’t blame him for going. But this whole time I’ve been questioning myself, am I wrong? Am I making this a bigger deal than it is. Am I being toxic? AITAH?

Edit Yes it’s some kind of D&D. Limited spots. I understand that maybe they wouldn’t want an extra person hanging around but my issue is they didn’t communicate or consider that I would find out and feel excluded..

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UPDATE My husband came home and we talked. It seems the game was not that serious, TV was on in the background, everyone was chatting and distracted, some didn’t show. He apologized for going, we talked about how I could have been more clear in my preference of him going or not.

He said next time he would decline something if I wasn’t invited in this same way.. I will update once I hear from Lina. To all of you D&D players- I understand that you’re extremely passionate about the game and you don’t want distractions. That is reasonable. However you all missed the point and lack empathy in general.

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If Lina had said “hey we’re doing dnd, I know it’s not your thing and it’s kind of a niche game so we’re just inviting Frank, I’ll see you soon” I would have been satisfied. You guys need to take a step back and understand that not everyone is born ready with a pop up board and full understanding of the world and their characters. Jeez.

UPDATE #2 I spoke with Lina and she didn’t understand why I would want to come, they thought I wouldn’t enjoy dnd. She explained more about it and it sounds like actually up my alley. So I will be speaking with Paul to learn more.

We couldn’t really get on the same page as far as why the lack of communication. She said it wouldn’t make sense for them to consider me. We talked for a while and it was clear we wouldn’t fully understand each other. Left on a neutral note. Not exactly a cathartic ending.

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Being left off a game night invite list feels like stepping on a rogue D20 die—sharp and unexpected. This woman’s hurt stems not from missing Dungeons & Dragons, but from her best friend Lina’s failure to communicate. Lina assumed her friend’s disinterest in gaming made an invite unnecessary, while the OP craved acknowledgment to feel valued. It’s a classic clash of unspoken expectations, where both sides misread the other’s intentions.

This situation reflects a broader social dynamic: the pain of exclusion in close relationships. A 2019 study by the American Sociological Association found that even unintentional exclusion can erode trust in friendships. Lina’s oversight—inviting Frank but not considering how the OP would feel—highlights how assumptions can backfire. Meanwhile, the OP’s admission that game nights aren’t her favorite might’ve signaled disengagement, leaving Lina to prioritize players.

Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist specializing in friendships, emphasizes, “Clear communication is the cornerstone of any lasting friendship. Assumptions, even well-intentioned, can create unnecessary rifts”. Lina’s vague apology and failure to explain the D&D invite list left the OP questioning her place in the friendship. Levine’s perspective underscores the need for both parties to voice their feelings openly to avoid such misunderstandings.

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To move forward, the OP could propose a non-gaming hangout, like a coffee date, to reconnect with Lina. Lina, in turn, should acknowledge the oversight and clarify her intentions. Open dialogue can rebuild trust, ensuring future game nights don’t leave anyone feeling like an NPC in their own story.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s community offered a lively mix of empathy and straight talk. Some users sympathized with the OP’s hurt, calling Lina’s lack of communication thoughtless, especially for a best friend. Others noted that the OP’s disinterest in game nights might’ve made her exclusion logical, as non-players can disrupt the vibe of a focused D&D session.

The consensus leans toward a communication breakdown. While some felt Lina should’ve given a heads-up, others argued the OP’s expectation to be invited to an activity she doesn’t enjoy was misplaced. The debate highlights the delicate balance of inclusion and understanding in friendships, with both sides needing to meet halfway.

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Swardyn − Question: So her response of “Im sorry you’re hurt” gives the vibe that there’s something else going on. Have you been invited to game night previously?

supermegabussin − NTA i think it’s strange they would invite your husband and not you. You have every right to feel the way you do.

Intrepid_Potential60 − You do make mention here that you do not enjoy game nights at all. Given your friends likely know this - why would they intentionally invite someone who they already know doesn’t enjoy it? This is like inviting a person to a horror flick that you know hates horror flicks. Just doesn’t make sense.

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throwaway769526 − Honestly I was totally hurt for you until I realized you aren’t playing the games. It’s game night. I don’t think that you’re an a**hole for being hurt that you weren’t invited. But I also don’t think they’re wrong for no longer inviting you.

As someone who often hosts game nights for their friends I find it super annoying when people don’t participate. It makes it hard to focus and most people don’t want an extra person sitting around and chatting about non game stuff. You said in a comment that you find other things to do like play with the cats and make drinks.

Personally I would be uncomfortable if someone came to my house to just play with my pets or play bartender/waitress/hostess. Especially if everyone else was doing something else. I think you should talk to Lisa in person about it if you want to stay best friends.

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Hear her out, especially because it her house and she’s hosting. If you’re really not into games maybe offer to host a different activity at your house. Your house your rules.. To me this is an ESH

Jack_of_Spades − 'I admit game night is not my favorite thing but I could have hung out anyways and make everyone drinks or play with their cat or observe the game. But at this point it’s not even about wanting to go.'

Sounds like they clocked that you didn't like being there and didn't want to deal with you bringing everyone else down. They want to play a game and having someone just there taking up space and not engaging ruins it for everyone else.

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Edit to add more: Like, if i'm hosting a game night, and I want to play something like Betrayal at the House on the Hill, or Catan, Puzzle Fighter, Ticket to Ride, I want to invite people who are there to play with me. Not to just eat my food and mosey in and out of the area. Distracting people, being on a phone, carrying on some other conversation.

Noirceuil_182 − I would say that not inviting spouses is an automatic faux pas, but then I got to this part: I admit game night is not my favorite thing but I could have hung out anyways and make everyone drinks or play with their cat or observe the game. But at this point it’s not even about wanting to go.

This is not the value-add that you seem to think it is. Depending on the game, you just being there sucking the oxygen out of the room could just make the experience less fun. If they're playing monopoly, yes, you can 'hang out.'

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If they're playing DnD or a narrative-heavy game, you'd just be that person in the movie theater talking about what just happened on-screen. Assuming you and your partner and have your own social outings where you spend time as a couple, why can't he have this one?

You don't like gaming. Given that you haven't been invited, you probably—inadvertently or not—have made it clear to all participants that you'd rather be doing something else. You even admit it's not even about you wanting to go, really.

So, you don't get invited to the thing you don't really like that much and even if you went you'd rather not participate anyway. Why does the idea of people enjoying themselves and not wanting to babysit you get you down? Isn't this an opportunity for some quality 'you' time?

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Trust me, it's not as fun to sit down and play when one of the players is just there because she can't fathom the idea that her partner is doing his own thing.. NAH, though, depending on how you and your partner and friends group handle it from here in out.

lesboraccoon − i was with you up until you said you don’t even like game night. if i were planning a night of fun and there was someone who didn’t enjoy the activities i wouldn’t really wanna invite them. if i’m hosting game night, that means i’m a HOST, and i have guests who i’m entertaining to some extent.

to have one person sit out and do random crap in my house instead of participating would make me feel awkward, i wouldn’t know what to do and i’d feel bad doing an activity not everybody likes. i see why they didn’t invite you, but i also see why it hurts.

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honestly, i think you should accept the fact if you don’t like an activity you shouldn’t expect to be invited to said activity. i’m leaning towards ESH, because they should’ve explained that you weren’t invited, but also y t a for expecting an invite to something you don’t like.

when somebody doesn’t like the activity and doesn’t participate it can put a damper on the evening. you don’t wanna be included, not really, you just wanna be asked and you wanna do your own thing. i personally wouldn’t invite you, but i’d explain why you weren’t invited.

edit: OP’s edit honestly shows she came here just for validation and not an actual opinion so i’m seeing more of a reason to not invite OP. you don’t have to be “born ready” you just have to make an effort to understand the game, which OP’s comment seems she doesn’t. ngl i wouldn’t wanna even have you there while we’re playing if this is your attitude.

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Alternative_Hotel649 − Why do you want to go to a game night if you don't like games? Everyone getting together for a specific activity, and one person just hanging out there not involved, is awkward AF. Everyone either ignores you, which feels rude, or they engage you, which distracts from playing the game, which is the entire point of getting together for the evening.

[Reddit User] − I admit game night is not my favorite thing but I could have hung out anyways and make everyone drinks or play with their cat or observe the game you don't want to be part of game night, why would you be upset you're not a part of game night?

“I wasn’t invited to the last game night and today’s either. I feel overwhelmingly hurt by that. I feel excluded”. if you went and didn't participate you're still not included!. Which is not a real apology. you weren't invited to something you don't like, and wouldn't participate in if invited, why do you think she owes you an apology?

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Any_Brief_4847 − YTA you sound exhausting tbh

This game night mix-up reveals how quickly assumptions can turn a fun evening into a friendship fumble. The OP and Lina’s neutral resolution opens the door for growth—perhaps with the OP rolling dice in a future D&D session. Communication remains the true hero here. Have you ever felt sidelined by close friends? Share your experiences below—what would you do in this dicey situation?

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