AITAH for dumping my GF after moving in with her?

In an ideal partnership, moving in together should mark the beginning of a new, shared chapter full of respect and mutual understanding. However, sometimes the realities of cohabitation can expose underlying issues that were previously hidden behind affection. When a man who had contributed to the financial responsibilities of their new home discovered that his most intimate expressions were turned into public entertainment, the signs of deeper disrespect became painfully clear.

The incident unfolded one evening when, after returning early from work, he found that his heartfelt loveletters—written exclusively for his girlfriend—were being recited and mocked among her friends and family. The casual dismissal of his feelings, packaged as laughter and casual banter, struck a blow that went beyond mere embarrassment. This confrontation with his own sense of worth led him to question whether his home could ever be a space of mutual honor and care.

‘AITAH for dumping my GF after moving in with her?’

I 25M, moved in with my gf 24f of four years, three weeks ago. She chose the place and although her name is on the lease I paid half of the deposit and paid the first month of rent as she couldn't afford it. I also paid the first month of bills. She works part time and has some savings she used to furniture the place according to her taste despite my objections.

I felt she overspent and the money could have been better spent on other things. she had a few friends over on Monday when I came home. She had ordered food and as I normally come home from work at five she was surprised to see me there an hour earlier. They were a little drunk and one of her friend made strange comments, which I thought nothing of due to the alcohol as I went to the bathroom to shower.

When I came out from the shower her other friends and sister was quoting me poetry that I had written to my gf, and was quite handsy. I found it odd and asked her where she had heard that. She goes we just read your loveletters to her before watching a movie. My gf was laughing with them. Her sister made a remark about how she wanted me to do her the way I do her sister because she had never felt that way.

I was furious but due to her drunkeness thought it impossible to talk to her.. I left for my mother's house. On Tuesday she called me seventeen times but I ignored it. she also sent many text wanting to know why I wasn't home. On Wednesday I told her in person how hurt I was for her sharing my intimate letters with her friends, and for oversharing what we do in private.

She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt. She said the girls were impressed with me and that is why they got a little handsy. She said once I gave her the letters they were hers to share with whom she pleased. So I told her that I am my own person and can make the decision to not share more of myself with her.

Today she came to my mother's apologising. She wanted me to come back and talk it out with her. I told her no, and that we were through. She wouldn't leave so I drove to my father's place, where I am now. She kep texting me and telling me that I should be ashamed of myself for leaving her like that.

She got her friends and sister to apologise to me and they told me to quit playing games and go home now that they had apologised. I told them I was home and that as my name was not on the lease and I wasn't respected as an equal in her home I no longer wanted to be with her. Luckily for me I hadn't moved most of my stuff there.

She kept phoning and texting and I blocked her. She then made a mutual male friend of ours contact me and tell me that I was being a b**ch about it. So I blocked him too. Then his gf texted me and told me not to take things out or proportion. I am almost certain I did the right thing, but maybe I should talk it out with her before cutting all contact.. TA she follows my main.

This situation offers a striking example of how breaches of trust in relationships can become catalysts for reevaluating one’s emotional boundaries. Experts in relationship psychology emphasize that when intimacy is disrespected or trivialized, it can trigger long-term feelings of betrayal and diminish the foundation of trust.

“Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and a shared understanding of privacy,” explains Dr. Laura Markham, a psychologist known for her work on emotional boundaries. “When private sentiments are exposed for humor without consent, the resulting emotional damage often outweighs any intended levity.”

In this case, the act of sharing personal loveletters without permission was not only a betrayal of trust but also an unacceptable violation of intimacy. The boyfriend’s strong reaction reflects a fundamental need for respect—a cornerstone of any relationship.

Rather than overlooking the incident as a minor lapse, his decision to leave indicates a vital step toward preserving his self-esteem and emotional well-being. Such responses are supported by research which shows that relationships suffering from recurring violations of personal boundaries are unlikely to foster long-term satisfaction and mutual growth.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—blunt, supportive, and candid. Commenters widely agree that the boyfriend’s reaction was justified given the gravity of the betrayal. Many noted that sharing intimate details as entertainment is a serious breach of trust. From declaring that it’s unacceptable to involve friends and family in personal matters to emphasizing that boundaries exist for a reason, the consensus is clear: respect in relationships is non-negotiable, and overlooking such breaches only sets the stage for future hurt.

xanif − nobody got hurt. Odd she said that after you explicitly said it hurt you. Also don't love when people rope their friends into internal relationship disputes. Personally, I wouldn't want to sign up for a life of this so NTA.

gratefuldad20089 − NTA! Can you imagine what this situation would be viewed as if this was a guy treating a girl this way? She comes home him and his friends are drunk. They’ve gone through her intimate stuff that she’s given him. He talks to them about their s** lives, and they all come up to her and start being handy with her and telling her how great she is and to f**k them in the same way!! Then later on call her apologize to her then tell her she she’s being too sensitive and a b**ch for not coming back

Petefriend86 − her name is on the lease I paid half of the deposit and paid the first month of rent as she couldn't afford it.. Well, I found your mistake right here.. Also, NTA for breaking up with someone who makes fun of you with her friends.

Ambroisie_Cy −

She also obviously can't see where she went wrong. If she apologizes and doesn't understand why she apologizes, then what's the point? What do you want her to tell you exactly She is someone who seems to go through life oblivious of other's feelings. You told her that you got hurt by what she did and she had the audacity to tell you that nobody got hurt?. She doesn't deserve you.

Consistent-Studio129 − NTA. Writing a letter to someone is always addresed to the Person who recevied it and not to her sister or friends.. Sharing emotions, thoughts and love is a thing between you two.. She just played with this things around her friends and sister.. These loveletters became a toy for entertainment..

You feel hurt and betrayed and I would feel the same way. You did the right thing for you and if you feel to break up with her that's your right thing to do.. Wishing you all the best Brother. Cheers ✌️

Bluwthu − This is the reason why men don't open up and be vulnerable.

ChrisInBliss − She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt. . Excuse me? Nobody got hurt?!?!? YOU GOT HURT!?! Are you nobody to her?!?!?. NTA she's a jerk.

Gladtobealive2020 − NTA She has shown her true self to you, so in a way it is a good thing she revealed her ugly character now,  before your life got anymore enmeshed with hers.  It is unfortunate you paid the money for the place and it is probably gone.  But be thankful you learned who she really is before you waste another moment of your life or anymore money.

She clearly has zero respect for you, your feelings, or your relationship.  If she cared she would not share things with others that are hurtful to you. But she did and then they laughed AT you, not with you. More than likely she wants you to come

She disrespected you by sharing your most private and intimate thoughts with others. In addition to sharing your most intimate thoughts she and her friends were LAUGHING at you. She also shared intimate information about your s** life. Her sister was getting

Despite some commenters claiming all women talk about their s** life with their friends, that is absolutely false. Maybe it is just the women who dont care about their partners feelings who do this.

MasterMaintenance672 −

thatgirlonredditt − So many red flags. First, her name is on the lease but you had to pay the deposit and rent and first months utilities (which is FINE) until you added that she couldn’t afford it. Second, she went behind your back and shared intimate details about your relationship to her friends and make jokes of it.

Third and final point, when you told her she hurt you she involved so many people to message you and tell you you’re an ass (i’m paraphrasing) but you get it. These points tell me she does not see you as an equal, a partner, and she doesn’t respect boundaries literally at all. It’s her world and you ~were~ just living in it. NTA. The only loss right now is the money you spent to move in. But that’s it. You’re better off.

In conclusion, this story challenges us to consider the true meaning of respect in a relationship. While moving in together is meant to be a step toward greater intimacy and shared responsibilities, it should never come at the cost of personal dignity. When private expressions of love are used as fodder for jokes, the harm inflicted can be irreparable.

What constitutes a dealbreaker in your relationships? Is it ever acceptable to laugh at someone else’s vulnerability? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s discuss how to maintain respect and trust in our most intimate partnerships.

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