AITAH for cutting off my best friend after she kept quiet about her mom and my bf?

Sometimes the people you trust the most end up being the ones who hurt you the deepest. For one 24-year-old woman, a friendship that spanned years and shared childhood memories turned into a painful betrayal. She had always been there for her best friend—someone who, during their school years and even into adulthood, provided support, laughter, and understanding. When she began dating her boyfriend in college, their lives intertwined further, and they even shared private spaces where love was nurtured with permission from both families. That trust was shattered when she discovered that her best friend had known for years about her boyfriend’s infidelity—a betrayal that cut deeper because it was kept secret to protect someone else.

The revelation came as a bitter shock. Her best friend justified her silence by citing her own family’s painful past, insisting that she couldn’t “tell on her mom” because she was too happy with him. This secret not only compromised her loyalty as a friend but also added fuel to an already painful breakup. Feeling deceived and unsupported, the woman made the difficult decision to cut ties with her friend. Now, while some of her other friends and even her family urge her to forgive, she’s left grappling with whether her actions were justified or if she’s punishing someone for a secret born of her friend’s personal trauma.

‘AITAH for cutting off my best friend after she kept quiet about her mom and my bf?’

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship therapist, explains that trust is the cornerstone of any meaningful bond. When a friend chooses to withhold crucial information—especially something as personal as infidelity—it shatters the foundation of trust. “When you discover that someone close to you has been complicit in betrayal, the emotional wounds run deep,” Gottman notes. In such cases, it is not only acceptable but necessary to establish boundaries to protect your own well-being.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family therapist, emphasizes that loyalty should not come at the cost of your self-respect. “You deserve friends who stand by you in both good times and bad,” she says. Lerner advises that while understanding a person’s background—such as their family history—can explain their behavior, it does not excuse a betrayal that compromises the integrity of your relationship. Taking time to heal and reevaluate the dynamics is essential.

Additionally, Dr. Emily Morse, an expert in interpersonal dynamics, suggests that the decision to cut off someone is rarely about punishing them but about protecting yourself. “It’s crucial to honor your feelings and create space for healing when you’ve been deeply hurt,” Morse explains. In situations where a friend actively enables behavior that hurts you, stepping back can be a healthy and necessary response.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Across various online discussions, the overwhelming sentiment from the Reddit community is clear: NTA. Commenters assert that a betrayal of this magnitude—knowing about years of cheating and choosing silence—is unforgivable. One user emphatically stated, “Fk no! You’re not the ahole. She chose the side of deceit.” Others echoed that the friend’s silence compounded the betrayal, leaving no room for leniency. Although a few voices suggest that the friend’s reluctance might stem from her own family trauma, the consensus remains that protecting one’s trust and emotional health is paramount.

In the end, cutting off someone who knowingly betrays your trust isn’t about punishing them—it’s about safeguarding your well-being. When your best friend fails to stand up for you, especially regarding something as significant as a partner’s infidelity, it’s natural to feel deeply hurt and choose distance. Remember, you are not required to accept behavior that undermines your sense of self and happiness.

How do you navigate situations when someone you love chooses silence over honesty? Have you ever had to distance yourself from a close friend for your own emotional health? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s discuss how to rebuild trust and protect ourselves when betrayal strikes.