AITAH for cutting my daughter off?

A 58-year-old father recently landed in a massive blowout with his 27-year-old daughter over money. After years of covering college, grad school, and even monthly allowances, he finally said no when she insisted he also pay off her mother’s student loans—his ex-wife, divorced more than 20 years earlier.

She exploded, declaring she’d cut him out of her life completely if he refused. He fired back that she shouldn’t bother showing up for car repairs, cash handouts, or anything else—and told her to get her phone off his plan. The post exploded across social media, splitting opinions on whether he’s being cold-hearted or finally standing up for himself.

‘AITAH for cutting my daughter off?’

Everything traces back to a messy divorce when the daughter was just a baby, with brutal custody battles lasting until she was 9:

I (M58) and daughter (F27) are in a huge argument over money. A little background first. My xwife and I divorced before she was 1 year old. Custody fights were...

Her mom lived it an apartment on the rough side of town, and when she was with me, she had an upper middle class life. She had ponies and private...

Yes, I probably tried to make sure she knew I was not what her mother told her. When it came time for college, she had a full scholarship to major...

Including one where I went as an undergrad and another where I did post grad. Her mother told her she should never pick a school that I went to.

In the end, she picked a college that she got a 20% scholarship for. I told her that was her choice and she would need to work to cover the...

After graduation and through grad school, I continued doing that. After she moved on and was working, the only time I saw her was when she needed money for something.

Once she graduated and started working, contact dried up unless she needed cash:

After never returning calls or texts I send, she shows up at the house. During her stay, I asked when she thought her student loan payments would be due and...

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She said they would only be around $200. I, in hindsight, was foolish in offering to pay them for her. She then said her mother was just finishing college and...

I explained that we had been divorced for over 20 years and that what her mother does is not responsibility.

My daughter blew and said that was unfair because I had done much better than her mom, and I needed to help her. She then said she never wanted to...

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AITAH for saying fine, then don't show up looking for money for car repairs or anything and that she needed to get her phone off my cell plan.

In updates, he clarified the limited contact and his involvement as a dad:

Update: so many comments overnight, and I figured just to make some answers here. The only time I sent my daughter money was while she was in college. After college,...

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After getting her masters she was unable to find a job that she felt she could succeed in near her mother or myself and is currently working a 6-7 hour...

I was the pretty involved dad. Attending all her school events, coaching sports teams, and officer in the PTSA. She will always be welcome to come home, but she can't...

Several comments were how could I allow my former wife to live in what I called a bad part of town. My former wife has been married and divorced two...

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Her mother's life choices were hers, and she was responsible for them. During the years that I paid child support, the amount I was paying her was more than she...

Having a pony or private coaches does not make us middle class. The wife and I had a lower middle class at best growing up ( our parents were hard...

We made sacrifices, so both our daughters had that life. Before anyone says it, my wife had a daughter before we met that is 6 months younger than my daughter.

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No, to me, she is not my stepdaughter she is my daughter. I am the only father she has ever known. I love both my daughters with all my heart...

She had full scholarship offers to Hopkins, UNC, and Harvard, among others. For her to walk away from such offers was something that I couldn't agree with.

In the end, she chose a prestigious private college that her mother recommended and offered her a partial scholarship. She did take out loans and did work study in college.

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She was calling with stories that her friends were doing things and she couldn't afford. Out of guilt, I started sending her $500 a month. Her friends, though, had the...

This situation centers on financial boundaries with adult children. The father provided extensive support through undergraduate and graduate studies, plus ongoing cash even after she chose a more expensive path over full scholarships. Demanding he cover his ex-wife’s loans pushed him to cut off funding, igniting fierce debate.

From the daughter’s perspective, she may view his greater financial success as reason enough to help both her and her struggling mom. Yet that sense of entitlement often grows when parents keep providing without clear expectations of independence, turning the relationship into one-sided transactions.

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Psychiatrist Laura F. Dabney has pointed out: “A parent’s role is to care for their children until they can take care of themselves. By continuing to give them money, you are preventing them from growing up.” (Source: NBC News)

In modern America many parents still bankroll grown kids, but experts increasingly warn of the downsides: parents face retirement insecurity while adult children miss out on building real financial responsibility. Psychology Today advises setting firm, consistent limits and encouraging accountability to break cycles of dependency.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Online readers weighed in heavily, with the majority firmly supporting the father.

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Most users back his decision to stop funding, stressing that at 27 she’s fully responsible for her choices—including skipping full-ride scholarships—and has no right to demand he support his ex-wife:

Spambot19 − NTA - daughter made poor choices. Ex wife is not your problem. Daughter at 27 is no longer your responsibility. You helped her through undergrad and grad school.

Poor choices like declining full scholarships are what lead to being in a better or worse financial state. Now she wants you to bear the consequences of her poor choices...

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I would recommend some sort of middle path where you can both cool off and maintain a relationship but not at the expense of being emotionally and financially manipulated.

FitSprinkles6307 − NTA but I can’t fathom why a parent would encourage a child to turn down a full ride scholarship and have their child starting out saddled with debt....

Especially when there was an alternative. It seems as if she had more scholarships than just the schools you matriculated at. Your daughter uses you for money and doesn’t respect...

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She respects her mom and that is the only parent she listens too. She feels as if you owe both of them. It’s up to you to figure out if...

Broad-Discipline2360 − Your daughter is 27? As in almost 30? Even if she wasn't being an entitled person, it is still time for her to manage her own finances without...

But if ever any of my kids thought I should pay for any other adults loans and threatened NC if I didn't, I'd cut them loose. I love my kids...

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Devegas49 − NTA. It’s time to have a full blown adult conversation with her about finances and let her know that there’s a line and you will not cross it.

You’ve done plenty for her over the years and you’ve had no issue with that because she’s your daughter, but she’s an adult now and should not expect it to...

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Your ex is a grown woman who can make her own money and pay her own bills. You have no obligation to her. Now if your daughter wants to help...

But she needs to leave you out of it. But if she tries that crap that she just pulled ever again, she WILL get to see what it’s like when...

And for that alone, you will be reducing your contributions to her necessities significantly and will be saying no a lot more. Starting with the student loan debt.

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And remind her that she had the option of going to a school that offered her a full ride. And remind her WHOM HAD TOLD HER NOT TO TAKE IT....

userannon720 − Nta. You are nothing other than a bank machine to her That she would ask you to pay for your ex-wives student loans is outrageous. Sorry about your...

KonradWayne − NTA, your daughter can put her fancy new degree to work to pay off her mom's debt if she's so adamant about her mom needing help.

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Your ex is clearly the AH here. She didn't even have the courage to ask you herself, so she sent the daughter she's spent years weaponizing against you to do...

tuna_tofu − You dont owe the ex a damn thing. Your responsibility for HER ended about 26 years ago. And daughter was foolish with the college decisions.

That has consequences (mostly financial). And really at TWENTY SEVEN? She should not still need to get money from daddy.

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Z-altacct − Nta. She chose a side and now she’ll have to lay in the bed she made. You have no responsibility to the mother and the fact she got...

A smaller group questions whether key details are missing or suggests the relationship has always revolved too heavily around money:

No_Sorbet_5754 − Why do I feel like there is another part of the story missing?

ThisReport877 − Feels like you purposefully left out a lot of information here, specifically what your actual relationship with your daughter was. Sounds like you tried to buy her love,...

[Reddit User] − Did your ex had to drop out because she got pregnant ? If you were that loaded, how come your ex lived in a s__tty neighborhood ?...

Countcristo42 − You describe your relationship with your daughter is a very limited way The main thing you focus on is how much money you spend on buying her luxuries

You never mention anything about her character except to criticise - and mention nothing about your relationship except to point out things you bought her She never comes to you...

OkBoss3435 − NTA you choose to spend your money however you want. But the whole post is about money. How did you spend time with her ? Love her ?...

calorum − You guys need therapy

yapyap6 − This is NOT an upper middle class lifestyle. Who TF can afford private coaches and ponies?

This story reveals how deeply money can complicate family ties—especially when divorce, unequal finances, and long-standing resentment are involved. The father supported generously for years, yet stopping when the demands became unreasonable feels justified to most readers.

What’s your take? Should parents keep financially supporting adult children indefinitely, or is it healthier to set firm boundaries and let them stand on their own? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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