AITAH for calling my sister “disgusting” and banning her, my niece, and my mother from my house?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a cozy weekend turned chaotic—a young couple, just trying to help, finds their home rocked by an unexpected storm. A 23-year-old woman and her husband, happily babysitting their niece and nephews, hoped to nurture good habits and family bonds. But when the 11-year-old niece’s behavior spirals, a shocking incident leaves the husband doubled over in pain, clutching an ice pack in disbelief.

Tensions boil over as the sister’s jaw-dropping denial and a bizarre accusation ignite a family firestorm. The couple’s once-warm home now feels like a battleground, with trust shattered and boundaries tested. Readers, you’ll wonder: how far is too far when protecting your space and sanity? Buckle up for a wild ride through this messy family saga!

‘AITAH for calling my sister “disgusting” and banning her, my niece, and my mother from my house?’

The title absolutely makes me sound like a jerk. I apologize in advance for the novella. Part of this is me venting but I do want some outside perspective on whether or not I've had too strong of a reaction especially considering there are kids involved. My husband and I are both 23.

My sister is 27 and has 3 kids, my 11-year-old niece, my 7-year-old nephew, and my 1-year-old nephew. My sister broke up with the baby's father and has been struggling some. My mom watches the kids while she works (when the older two aren't in school) and my husband and I have been watching them one day every other weekend.

My 11-year-old niece is developing some really bad behaviors that we are trying to offset when we have her by teaching her self-regulation, boundaries, and healthy communication. This past weekend was terrible. My niece was on a level 100 all day and had been mouthing off, etc.

My husband took her tablet and calmly told her to go sit on our bed for a timeout. I walked away because I needed a breather, but then I heard my husband yelp. He was red-in-the-face and hunched over, and I could immediately tell that she had hit him between his legs, apparently badly enough that he went outside and threw up a short time later (sorry for the gross detail but it emphasizes why I'm so upset).

Things calmed down. When my sister came to get them, I was fixing dinner, the older two were watching a movie, and my husband was holding the baby with an ice pack in his lap. My sister came and I pulled her into the kitchen and told her what happened. I told her that unless my niece's behavior improves, she can't come over but we could still watch my nephews.

Her first response was a snide, 'she would never do something like that,' to which I responded that I had witnessed it. This is where I really got pissed. When she couldn't come up with another excuse she said, 'I don't like how he is drawing attention to his private area, that's very inappropriate around kids' referring to the damn ice pack.

Before I lost it, I said she was disgusting and that she needed to get her kid's things and leave, which thankfully she did. But then a short time later our mother calls me fuming saying I'm being an AH and overreacting.

I told her that for as long as she keeps that opinion before even hearing our side, then she's not welcomed either. I said we can all have a discussion about boundaries and expectations but until then, don't contact us especially to ask for help.. I really don't think so but AITA?

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Update: Thanks everyone for the support. I've gotten a lot to think about and am reassured that I'm not overreacting. A couple things to note: My husband was NOT in the bedroom with her. He was telling her to go to our room for a timeout which is what we normally do.

He is taking off work to go to urgent care this morning because he is still in a lot of pain. I think my sister's allegation is so that she can trick herself into believing she ended babysitting with us instead of the other way around.

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Mom has always been more supportive of her so the more I think about it, the less I'm surprised by how she immediately took my sister's side. I haven't spoken to either of them and don't plan to. Update (again, sorry): Good, bad, and ugly. The bad is that urgent care sent hubby to the ER (at which point I left work to go join him).

One of his testicles was dislocated but thankfully it didn't ascend too far. With some pain meds a doctor was able to push it back into place. I was scared at first because they said surgery would be an option if this didn't work but thankfully it did. The good is that we are now home and he's feeling much better but still kind of bruised.

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I told him lots of internet strangers were invested in the wellbeing of his manhood which made him belly laugh. The ugly is (and I'm standing by him on this) is he absolutely does not want to give any medical bills to my sister. His point is that she will likely retaliate even worse than just being confronted with what her daughter did, and I agree.

So in that sense we are stuck. I didn't get the full story before but essentially when he told her to give him the tablet she turned away from him and kicked her leg back. He said he got her heel. She's also not little for her age. I'm just glad it wasn't worse. Boundaries are set. As much as we love the kids we're just going to have to get okay with not seeing anyone.

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This family clash is a textbook case of boundaries gone haywire. When a child’s actions—however alarming—meet denial instead of accountability, relationships buckle under the strain. The niece’s outburst, physically harming her uncle, signals deeper issues, while the sister’s deflection to an outrageous claim about the ice pack screams avoidance.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in a 2021 Psychology Today article, “Healthy boundaries are the foundation of trust; without them, resentment festers and connections fray” (source: psychologytoday.com). Here, the sister’s refusal to acknowledge her daughter’s behavior risks long-term family damage, while the accusation hints at projection or desperation.

Zooming out, this mirrors a broader issue: the National Child Traumatic Stress Network reports 1 in 5 children experience behavioral challenges post-family disruption, like a parental breakup (source: nctsn.org). The niece’s aggression might stem from this upheaval, unmet needs bubbling over into chaos.

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For the couple, setting firm boundaries is wise—limit contact until accountability emerges. The sister needs to seek parenting support or counseling for her daughter, perhaps through resources like the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (aacap.org). Neutral, open talks can rebuild trust, but only if all sides drop defenses and face the messy truth.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s crew didn’t hold back, and their hot takes bring humor and heat to this family fiasco! From cheers for boundary-setting to side-eyes at the sister’s wild spin, the community weighed in with passion. Check out the raw reactions below—candid, chaotic, and a little cheeky!

Strange-Option-9539 − NTA but your niece's behavior is really alarming and it will only get worse from here if she doesn't get help...If I were in your situation, I'd ban them until things change. Don't feel like you're over reacting..if your husband is vomiting from the pain, that's a valid reaction especially if your sister refuses to acknowledge the problem and then gaslight you.

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totallynotarobut − 'I told her that for as long as she keeps that opinion before even hearing our side, then she's not welcomed either.'. 👏👏👏👏. You are completely NTA, and I love that you said this.

shammy_dammy − NTA, but seriously, assaulting your husband should be the end of the free babysitting, and possibly most contact with your sister. Your mom can watch the kids then, if she thinks you're being an ah.

Dense-Store8986 − NTA You niece was violent and your sister turned it into your husband being a pedo? WTF !?!? You response was perfect but I would be contemplating NC over that type of s**t.

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a_round_a_bout − If she is willing to throw out these accusations now— and completely biting the hand that feeds her— think about what she would be willing to say publicly to get what she wants. This could ruin your husband. Ruin your family. This is THE hill to die on. I would not begin contemplating talking to her again for several years.

And only then after a complete, unadulterated apology and actionable change. Also— think about where your niece is getting this behavior from. I honestly feel for that child, but something sinister is going on in that family and you need to protect yourself and your husband at all costs.

Colt_kun − NTA. If she's not going to hear both sides she already has an opinion. No giving assistance anymore. Your sister commenting about 'drawing attention to his private area' is *highly* alarming. It could means she's already thinking of your husband as sexualizing something around the kids.

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For you and your husband's safety, it's best to not see them for a while because I wouldn't be surprised if she accused him of something. (Am I over reading? Maybe. But that kind of allegation can ruin lives and it's not worth the hassle)

JohnExcrement − NTA. I’m guessing this child may be acting out in the wake of her parents’ breakup. Has dad vanished from her life in a way that upended her world? Her mom needs to get to the bottom of this right quick because god only knows how this might escalate or who else she might hurt.

Cybermagetx − NTA. Both of my kids have hit me there while we have rough house and you bet your bottoms ive ice it. Instead of her taking responsibility for her child actions she defeated it onto your husband. Who is tending an injury her child caused. I would of told her well dont worry as we won't be baby sitting anymore so your kids will not be around that again.

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SnooWords4839 − NTA - Sister just lost a babysitter! Your mom needs to stay out of it.

DyingUnicorns − NTA. And way to throw down your boundaries like a boss.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe the truth lies in the messy middle—laugh, ponder, and decide for yourself!

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This tale of a babysitting blowup, a sister’s denial, and a family split leaves us reeling—love for the kids collides with the need to protect your own turf. The couple’s stand, bold and bruised, sparks a big question: where’s the line between helping family and guarding your peace? They’re navigating pain (literal and emotional) while dodging wild accusations. Readers, what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts, feelings, or wild family stories below—let’s unpack this drama together!

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