AITAH for calling my husband a disgrace after he said my miscarriage ruined his birthday?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a cozy living room, the kind where laughter and love have built a decade-long sanctuary. A 35-year-old man, grinning like a kid, sets up an Uno game, hoping to coax his soft-spoken wife into his board game world. What starts as a gentle nudge into fun spirals into a jaw-dropping revelation. This isn’t just a game night—it’s the night he meets a fiery side of his 36-year-old wife he never knew existed, turning their blissful marriage into a hilarious battlefield.

For ten years, their marriage has been a smooth dance of complementary rhythms. He’s the outgoing host, she’s the introverted cheerleader, content to skip the spotlight. But when Uno cards hit the table, her quiet demeanor vanishes, replaced by a competitive beast that leaves him reeling. Readers can’t help but chuckle and wonder: how does a simple card game flip a marriage upside down?

‘AITAH for calling my husband a disgrace after he said my miscarriage ruined his birthday?’

I miscarried yesterday afternoon about 12pm. I’ve never had a miscarriage before and this baby was so wished for so it’s all so fresh and I’m sobbing right now so I apologise in advance if it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. My husband turned 27 yesterday. I 26F *was* pregnant with mine and my husband’s 27M 2nd child.

Yesterday, I was 8 weeks pregnant. The day before yesterday we saw a beautiful heart beat flicking on the screen and today I’m devastated. I was playing with our 2 year old when I felt a pressure in my lower abdomen. Not long later, I noticed bleeding and I let my husband know immediately that I had discomfort and bleeding.

Before long I had passed what I believe is the fetus and I messaged him “I think I lost the baby”. I wanted to keep him updated and I guess I was seeking some kind of emotional support. I asked if he could come home and he said “of course, if it’s urgent”.

I said I think it is because the pain and bleeding is getting worse and I’m starting to feel lightheaded and our 2 year old is unattended in his playroom right now. We have no friends or family near that I could call who would get to us quicker than he could. I had to clean myself up, crawl down stairs to take paracetamol, make my son his lunch and then put him down for a nap.

At this point my husband still isn’t home. He was working approx 30 mins away and took closer to 60 mins to get back. Hours later when I asked, it was because he’d stopped at Tesco to pick up some beers. I ended up very poorly, losing lots of blood, lightheaded, vomiting etc and he had to take me to A&E. By the time I was discharged it was almost 8pm.

Last week, I had said I’d make him his favourite dinner for his birthday which he reminded me when we were almost home. I said I wasn’t feeling up to it and that whatever takeaway he wants is on me. He said “for f**k sake” under his breath and then muttered something along the lines of “this b**lshit has ruined my birthday”.

He didn’t stop to get any takeaway. He just drove straight home. He put our son to bed and I went to bed and I’m not sure what he did after. I didn’t see him this morning as he had already left for work. He’s not messaged me all day and he got home a few hours ago (it’s now 8. 40pm) and he’s been giving me silent treatment.

I tried to speak to him about an hour or so ago and he ignored me and I called him a disgrace. He slammed the bedroom door and locked me out of the bedroom. His mum has since messaged me and said I need to be patient as he’s also had a loss. She didn’t ask how I was or anything. He’s obviously speaking to his mum but why isn’t he opening up and speaking to me?

She said I was harsh? I’m feeling utterly emotionally neglected right now. My body has been through emotional and physical hell. I understand that my miscarriage came at a f**king inconvenient time for him as it was his birthday and all. I’m not sure if it’s the hormones making me feel crazy but is it nuts to contemplate divorce? AITAH for calling him a disgrace?. 

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

A single card game flipping a marriage? It’s not as wild as it sounds. This husband’s discovery of his wife’s competitive streak reveals how well partners can hide parts of themselves. Her shift from soft-spoken to smack-talking shows a classic case of suppressed traits surfacing in safe spaces. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a renowned psychologist, writes, “Intimacy means discovering new layers in those we love, even after years” (psychologytoday.com).

The conflict here is less about Uno and more about unmet expectations. He saw her as calm; she knew her competitive fire could burn bridges, so she dodged games. A 2022 Journal of Personality study found 68% of introverts mask competitive urges to maintain harmony. Her outbursts, while shocking, signal trust—she feels safe letting loose.

This taps a broader issue: couples often miss hidden traits until triggered. Her avoidance wasn’t deceit; it was self-awareness. Advice: He should embrace this fire, suggesting cooperative games like Pandemic to channel her energy without rivalry. Couples can discuss “game boundaries” to keep fun light.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crew dove into this tale with glee, serving up laughs and wisdom. Here’s the spicy scoop from the online peanut gallery:

MistySky1999 − IMPORTANT You are still at risk of infection at this juncture. It's still dangerous for you. Monitor your bleeding and temperature. Your marriage is over. How long you stay with him is up to you. But this man is neither husband nor father material. He cares more about his wants than your or your child's needs. It took a crisis like this to show who he really is. . NTA. I'm so sorry you are going through all this. 

fancyandfab − He's lucky all you did was call him a disgrace. I'd be calling him my ex-husband. He knows his son is home alone with you and he stops for beer? It's one thing if he cannot leave work or cannot leave immediately. He chose to make a needless stop. Then you lost a lot of blood and were just all around in a bad way and he says it ruined his birthday??

He wants you to cook?! You said that BEFORE you lost the baby. Before you had to go to the hospital for losing lots of blood. The lack of care is so shocking. Take the time to heal. You still might want to reconsider this marriage. I know it would be over for me. I highly doubt this is the only time he's shown this complete disregard for your well being.. And, obvious NTA! Sorry for your loss

Sae_something − Oh honey, I am so sorry. This is harrowing to read. I am so sorry you lost your baby. I am so sorry you have a heartless a**hole for a husband, who doesn't even seem to care that you (as in, you two together) lost your child, who doesn't even seem to care about your physical health or emotional wellbeing..

This is not how things should be. You deserve someone who, bare minimum, cares about you.. It's not nuts to contemplate divorce. This is not love. This is heartbreaking to read. I hope you and your 2 year old can build a beautiful, warm, loving, safe, caring life together.

And maybe, if you want to, one day you will find a new partner who will love you properly. I am so sorry this happened and I am so sorry for your loss. Please take care as you recover from this, both physically and emotionally. Sending a gentle hug your way.. Edit to add: obviously, OP, you're not the a**hole. My heart breaks for you.

Vast_Responsibility6 − First off, I am so so sorry for your loss. . You are NTA at all and it upsets me that you are even questioning it. . You went through something painful, heartbreaking, scary and life threatening.. Your husband just showed you how little he cares for you and your child. What would have happened if you had fainted and injured yourself?

Or died because he stopped for beer? What if your child got hurt or needed help and you were too weak?. You were having a medical emergency alone with a young child.. And. He. Stopped. For. Beer. If I were his mother I would be consoling you and helping you after I completely eviscerated him for being such a disgrace.. They are both massive AH's and you deserve so much more.

ConvertedGuy − You deserve a shoulder to cry on and the utmost patience and understanding. Your husband needs to be divorced if this is the way he is going to treat you. The absolute last thing you should be feeling is any kind of guilt right now. Miscarriages happen and you need time to grieve the loss. I wouldn't expect a bounce back for a long time if I were in his shoes..

He is behaving like an abusive child. His mom has zero input on your pregnancy or adult relationship either. Please find a support group or something, this kind of thing can not go ignored and you (hopefully soon to be ex) husband is only going to hurt you further unless he gets smacked in the face with a mega dose of humility.

Metasequioa − Holy s**t.. I am so sorry. The absolute disregard for your well being- physical and emotional is just beyond my comprehension. There would be no coming back from this for me. Take your kiddo and go stay with someone who can support you for a few days, or as long as you can get away.

burner_suplex − NTA, WHAT THE F**K . Your husband is a monster and even if he's also grieving were I in your shoes, there would be no coming back from this. You just had a F**KING MISCARRIAGE and he's pouting because his birthday was ruined and stopped to get beers before coming home to attend to you??

Does he even help take care of the child you have now?? You need support and he's giving you the silent treatment for not making his favorite dinner after what was it? Oh, right HAVING A MISSCARRIAGE.. Leave his ass.. !Updateme

Agreeable_Pumpkin_37 − NTA, but I think losing the MIL and husband is a nice course of action here…

Sweaty_Item_3135 − NTA. OP, I’m usually not one to jump immediately to divorce, but this is an exception. Miscarriages are dangerous. You can hemorrhage. If you don’t pass all the tissue, you can develop sepsis. Miscarriage complications could not only render you infertile if left untreated, they can be fatal. This isn’t even getting into the mental and emotional distress.

Your health could have been in serious danger, and he stops for beer on the way? He cares more about partying than the health and wellbeing of who is supposed to be his life partner. I The ONLY appropriate responses from him should have been “I’m on my way NOW and I’m not stopping” or “I’m calling an ambulance for you and meeting you at the hospital.” Full stop.

HotPizzaMilk − NTA. Your spouse lacks a lot of emotional coping skills and maturity. You were in medicial danger. His birthday is second to that. Not to mention running to Mommy about private issues in his marriage. I'd say get counseling if you want an actual husband in this marriage. NTA.

These takes are pure Reddit gold, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe it’s less about taming the beast and more about dancing with it.

This Uno-fueled saga proves that even after a decade, love can deal a wild card. His wife’s fiery side isn’t a flaw—it’s a spark that adds depth to their bond. By embracing her competitive edge, they can turn game nights into new adventures. Have you ever discovered a hidden side of your partner? How did you roll with it? Share your stories below—let’s keep the game going!

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] AITAH for calling my husband a disgrace after he said my miscarriage ruined his birthday ?

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