AITAH For dumping my date?
First dates can set the tone for what might become a promising relationship—or, sometimes, an early lesson in boundaries. In this case, the OP, who values punctuality and respect for his time, recounts a recent dating mishap where his date’s tardiness led him to call it quits.
After agreeing to meet for coffee, her delayed arrival and subsequent ambiguous communication left him feeling disrespected and frustrated. Feeling as though he was being tested or played with, he ultimately decided to leave rather than waste even more time waiting.
Now, as he reflects on the events and the subsequent nasty texts he received, he’s left questioning whether his decision to end the date was justified or if he overreacted to what might have been a simple mistake.
‘AITAH For dumping my date?’
Relationship experts stress that punctuality and clear communication are fundamental to a healthy dating dynamic. Dr. Melissa Hart, a psychologist who specializes in relationship boundaries, states, “When one person consistently makes the other wait without a reasonable explanation, it isn’t just a minor inconvenience—it can feel like a lack of respect for the other person’s time and priorities.”
Dr. Hart emphasizes that while misunderstandings can happen on first dates, deliberate lateness accompanied by confusing texts might be a red flag. “It’s important in early dating stages to establish clear expectations,” she adds. “If one partner uses lateness as a way to test or manipulate the situation, the other has every right to question their level of interest and commitment.”
In this case, even though a first date may involve minor delays, intentionally leaving someone waiting—and then blaming them for leaving—crosses the line into disrespect. While empathy is important, it does not require one to tolerate behavior that consistently devalues their time. The key is balance: acknowledging that accidents happen while also asserting personal boundaries when such incidents repeat or appear calculated.
Check out how the community responded:
The Reddit community overwhelmingly sided with the OP. Many commenters remarked that no one should be expected to wait 45 minutes on a first date with no valid reason given for the delay. Users emphasized that punctuality is a sign of respect—especially when it comes to initial meetings—and that his date’s behavior came off as a deliberate power play or “test.”
Several responses, including those from female Redditors, pointed out that the expectation that a man should sit and wait indefinitely is both unreasonable and outdated. The consensus is clear: if someone keeps you waiting without a legitimate excuse, it’s perfectly acceptable to leave and reevaluate whether you want to invest more time in that interaction.
In conclusion, the question of whether the OP was in the wrong boils down to respect for one’s own time and the early signals one receives during dating. Is it acceptable to force yourself to wait when the other party shows a blatant disregard for punctuality? Or is it better to see it as a minor hiccup? The situation here appears more than a simple delay—it comes off as a tactic to test his patience.
What are your thoughts: should a first date be an opportunity for leniency, or is setting strong boundaries right from the start essential for a healthy relationship? Have you experienced similar situations where being made to wait forced you to rethink the relationship? Share your insights and advice with others who might be facing similar dating dilemmas.
