AITAH for being done with my adoptive son?
A father going through a divorce decided he’d finally had enough when his 17-year-old adoptive son hit his 12-year-old daughter yet again. Instead of letting it slide, he packed the teen off to his mom, took away every Christmas gift meant for him, and handed them all to his daughter.
This wasn’t the first time—the older boy has a history of physically hurting his younger sister, seemingly enjoying the power difference. With the family already fractured by the parents’ split, the dad says the love he once felt is completely gone and he never wants to see the teen again. His soon-to-be ex-wife calls him cruel, insisting their daughter shares some blame for fighting back.
‘AITAH for being done with my adoptive son?’
The family setup involves a biological daughter (12), biological son (14), and an adoptive son (17) who is actually the wife’s biological child from before the marriage:
The dad now feels zero remaining affection and wants permanent distance:
Repeated physical aggression from a much older and stronger teen toward a younger sibling is clear-cut abuse, regardless of biological ties. A 17-year-old using force to dominate a 12-year-old girl isn’t “sibling roughhousing”—it’s intimidation that can leave lasting emotional and physical scars. Protecting the victim has to come first, especially when incidents keep happening despite previous warnings.
The divorce adds serious stress for all three kids, and behavioral changes often spike during family breakups. Acting out could stem from anger, fear of abandonment, or feeling caught in the middle—particularly painful for an adopted child who might already worry about belonging. Sudden withdrawal of love and gifts risks deepening those wounds without addressing root causes.
Therapy is essential here, individually and as a family where safe. The teen needs professional help to understand and control his aggression, possibly exploring resentment tied to the adoption or parental split. The daughter deserves support to process the fear and trauma, while the middle son shouldn’t be overlooked as a witness.
Ultimately, boundaries are necessary—no one should tolerate violence in their home. But completely severing a 12-year parental bond over one (albeit serious) escalation, without exhausting counseling options, can feel like abandonment to the teen. A balanced approach might involve limited contact, clear consequences, and mandated therapy rather than total cutoff while he’s still a minor.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Online users split into clear camps, with many outright supporting the need to protect the younger daughter from an abusive older sibling:
![[Reddit User] - NTA he is an abusive bully. Protect your daughter. All of these comments care more about the fact that he is your adopted son and they’re calling...](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/wp-editor-1766454954782-2.webp)
A sizable group leans toward NTA for the immediate actions but urges therapy and questions if deeper issues fueled the quick cutoff:
A strong contingent calls the dad out for apparent favoritism, pointing to his wording as evidence he never fully accepted the adoptive son:
![[Reddit User] - Info: Your “adoptive” son has been with you for twelve years. Did you treat him differently to his siblings? Did you favor them over him? You act...](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/wp-editor-1766454812847-1.webp)
No one disputes that stopping the violence against the younger daughter had to happen fast. Many see the dad’s actions as justified protection, while others worry the permanent cutoff came too abruptly after years of raising the teen as his own.
Blended family blowups like this always spark debate—when does tough love turn into rejection? Would mandatory therapy and limited contact have offered a better shot at fixing things, or was full separation the only way to keep everyone safe?
