AITAH for allowing my wife to cook for seven hours by herself to prove a point?

A suburban kitchen buzzes with dinner party prep, but a storm brews beneath. A husband, fed up with his wife’s boasts of culinary genius, steps back to let her shine—or crash. She’s a neurologist, not a chef, yet insists she’s a master in the kitchen, despite her burnt offerings.

His sly plan to fake an emergency leaves her to tackle an elaborate menu alone. The result? A disastrous feast that sparks a Reddit firestorm. Can this culinary clash teach them respect, or is it just another recipe for resentment?

‘AITAH for allowing my wife to cook for seven hours by herself to prove a point?’

I apologize for any errors English is not my first language and I am annoyed.. My wife is a neurologist. Once a month, we have a tradition where we and four other families we are friends with from her work gather in our houses for dinner. This month was our turn to host.. Usually I cook all the meals home because my wife is a incompetent cook, although she claims she is an amazing cook.

When she cooks she would crank up the heat to max and say does it just cooks the meal faster, and that it doesn't make a difference, it does. Friday night I was doing prep work on all the vegetables since I was going to be cooking for around 7 hours yesterday. I was almost done when my wife came into the kitchen complaining, that I was wasting my time, and that I should be helping with the children.

I got annoyed. We've had this fight for years. If I cook something simple for the next four months she was nag me for weeks after each dinner with her friends how I embarrassed her. This time I wasn't in the mood for fighting, so I wrote out the entire menu, with the schedule of when each dish had to be cooked..

The menu was traditional homemade bread, four dips( roast aubergine, roasted bell peppers, cream and mushrooms, sour cream and caramelized onions), two platters of cured meats and sausages for the appetizers. For the main course there was lasagna and chicken skewers with an Indian marinate with two salads (green salad and cabbage and carrots).

For dessert there was a New York cheesecake and a lemon tart with Swiss meringue.. There are two options for each because one of the husbands is lactose intolerant, and we will seem cheap if we only had one option, my wife's words.. When I was done I called my parents and had them fake an emergency. Yesterday they called and said that a pipe burst and wanted my help.

Since my wife is competent and can do everything by herself, I took the kids with me to fix the pipe and let her cook. I spent the day resting while pretending to fix the pipe and my parents were playing with the kids. An hour and a half before dinner time I took the kids home so we can shower and prepare. As I imagined my wife did a horrible job.

Either the food was raw, burnt, or combination of both.. Har friends probably went to McDonald's after that dinner because we have a lot of scraps left. Now she's singing a different song and saying that I abandoned her, when I was the one that knows how to cook and she doesn't, and blames me for the whole fiasco.

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I still haven't told her the truth and I'm not planning to actually. That is why I made a new account. But I wanted to know if I was the i**ot in the situation, because she still hasn't learned her lesson and still blames me. What I do everything she wants I'm the bad guy, but if I let her do things how she wants them I'm still the bad guy.

This kitchen showdown reveals more than just a culinary misstep—it’s a classic case of mismatched expectations in a partnership. As Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Contempt is the kiss of death in relationships” (source: Gottman Institute). The wife’s dismissal of her husband’s skills and her refusal to acknowledge her own shortcomings hint at a deeper issue of respect, or lack thereof, in their dynamic.

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The husband’s decision to step back, while sneaky, highlights a common relationship struggle: feeling unappreciated. By letting her cook, he exposed her overconfidence, but his deception risks escalating their conflict. Research shows that 69% of marital issues stem from communication breakdowns (source: Psychology Today). Here, both partners sidestepped honest dialogue, opting for actions that fueled resentment instead.

This scenario reflects a broader societal issue—gender roles in domestic tasks. Cooking, often seen as “lesser” work, can be undervalued, yet it demands skill and effort. The wife’s arrogance may stem from a cultural bias that diminishes domestic contributions, especially when compared to her high-status career. The husband’s menu, with its intricate dishes, showcases expertise she overlooked.

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For solutions, open communication is key. The couple could set clear roles for future dinners, perhaps splitting tasks or cooking together to rebuild trust. Dr. Gottman suggests “turning toward” each other’s bids for connection—like appreciating the husband’s cooking—to foster respect.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s verdict? A mix of cheers and chuckles for the husband’s sly move, with a side of sympathy for his predicament. The community didn’t hold back, serving up candid takes on the wife’s ego and the couple’s dynamic. Here’s a taste of the hot takes that lit up the thread—brace for some spicy opinions!

Electronic_Fox_6383 − Sounds like you at least learned that you're always gonna be the bad guy. Now, it's time for you to figure out if you want to continue living that way and what to do about it. NTA for what you did, as everyone reaches a breaking point.

asawmark − I didn’t appreciate what my husband did. I learnt after the divorce. Some people don’t see they’re wrong til it has ended.

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Popular-Block-5790 − So no matter what you do you're in the wrong. Sounds exhausting af.. NTA

JJQuantum − NTA. In our house my wife and I have an unspoken agreement. When one of us complains about how the other is doing a job, chore, etc. then it becomes that person’s responsibility, period. It’s the best way to stop it.

geezerhugo − Many doctors suffer from the God complex. This may be true here.

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Mysterious-Art8838 − Your dinner sounds delicious but I lost my appetite at ‘crank up the heat to the max and says it cooks faster.’ 😂 I mean plenty of people are lousy cooks but that ‘takes the lemon tart with Swiss meringue’, so to speak.. No you’re Nta but you’re gonna have to sort these problems out and that probably doesn’t start with lying.. Btw you should have asked your friends to pick you up a Big Mac. ;)

[Reddit User] − Constantly blaming a partner for everything and telling them they aren’t good enough is emotional abuse.

Myay-4111 − Speaking as a chef... NTA. That was a great menu you planned and you have some great skills going there... doing these dinners takes a lot of work and she's been extremely arrogant stealing your thunder, claiming to be such an excellent cook, especially when the people you are entertaining are her work friends! The nerve!

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Great she's a nerologist, whoopdedoo. Having an advanced degree in one discipline doesn't confer excellence or expertise in other areas. She disrespected your skills and the time and patience and practice it takes to acquire them. It's like she looks down on cooking because cooking is some 'lesser' profession?

Newsflash: the top people in our profession - not even counting celebrity chefs- make as much or more than neurologists. We have certifications and professional testing and ongoing classes and are a recognized profession as much as a doctor or a lawyer. And we're responsible for safe food handling operations so don't talk to me about 'saving lives' an unsafe kitchen is deadly..

She f**ked around and found out. You need to have a conversation, and set an new way of doing things, but 100% you just did to your wife what a lot of women do to their arrogant husband's who don't appreciate them as a partner. Again... good for you! But you have an uphill battle.

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She's very entitled and I don't think her utter failure at cooking once really taught her the full life lesson as she wasn't humbled or apologetic in any way. As much as YOU are a great cook... maybe it's time to tell her you are done being her kitchen slave. If she wants her coworkers over, she can plan and execute the meal every time. At her actual skill level. And stop stealing glory for your work.

julesk − NTA, when she raises it again, remind her she was unhappy you weren’t taking care of the kids and said she was the better cook so since you cooked everything alone, why couldn’t she? Call her on her complaints.

[Reddit User] − NTA. She still doesn’t appreciate what you do.

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These Reddit gems spark laughter, but do they cut to the core of the issue?

This culinary caper leaves us with a burnt lasagna and a bruised ego, but also a chance to reflect on partnership and pride. The husband’s point was made, yet the wife’s blame game continues. Can they find a recipe for mutual respect, or is this just the start of more kitchen chaos? What would you do if you were in this husband’s shoes—fake an emergency or face the fight head-on? Share your thoughts below!

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