AITAH because I’m not giving baby stuff to a pregnant coworker?
Returning to work after maternity leave is usually a joyful yet challenging transition. For one new mom, this moment took an unexpected turn when an 18-year-old pregnant coworker asked for all the baby items she and her husband would eventually stop using.
Having just welcomed a beautiful baby girl and worked hard to gather cherished baby gear from family and longtime colleagues, our storyteller found herself in a delicate situation. Her simple “no” to sharing these treasured items sparked an immediate backlash that quickly spread through the office.
The tension in the workplace was palpable as the coworker’s reaction escalated into rumors and harsh judgments. While our storyteller firmly believed that baby items—handed down from people who consider her and her husband as family—should remain reserved for her own future use, others argued that generosity should extend to everyone. This unexpected conflict raises questions about boundaries, entitlement, and the value of personal versus shared resources in a professional setting.
‘AITAH because I’m not giving baby stuff to a pregnant coworker?’
Navigating workplace relationships can be tricky, especially when personal boundaries clash with expectations of generosity. According to Dr. Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, “Setting and maintaining clear boundaries is essential for emotional health, especially in high-stakes environments like the workplace”. This situation is a prime example of how unspoken assumptions about sharing can turn into full-blown conflicts.
In this case, the request for baby items may have seemed like a friendly gesture to some, but for our storyteller, it touched on deeper issues of trust and respect. Baby gear, often collected with care and meant to be preserved for future family needs, carries emotional as well as monetary value.
When a relatively new coworker expects these items to be shared, it creates an imbalance that can lead to feelings of exploitation and disrespect. Maintaining personal boundaries in the workplace is not only about protecting assets—it’s also about honoring one’s own experience and the legacy of gifts that come from close relationships.
The dynamics at play here are compounded by differing perspectives on what constitutes generosity. While some colleagues have historically shared items freely, these exchanges were built on years of relationship and mutual trust. Our storyteller, having nurtured these relationships over time, sees the baby gear as part of her family’s story rather than communal property.
This perspective is echoed by many experts, who stress that context matters immensely. “It’s not just about the physical items; it’s about the memories and the personal history attached to them,” notes Dr. Susan David. Such emotional investment can make the decision to share far more complex than a simple financial transaction.
Moreover, workplace boundaries are critical to ensuring that personal differences do not escalate into lasting conflicts. Experts recommend addressing such issues through direct communication and, when available, mediation by HR. Even if a formal HR process isn’t in place, a supervisor’s intervention—as suggested in this case—can help de-escalate tensions.
It’s also a reminder that while empathy is vital, it should not come at the expense of one’s own rights or cherished possessions. Balancing generosity with self-respect remains a delicate art in both personal and professional settings.
Finally, this conflict sheds light on broader issues of entitlement and the assumption that one’s needs automatically outweigh another’s. While baby gear is expensive and hard to come by, the decision to keep it for future family use is a personal one.
Establishing clear expectations—especially in an environment where personal and professional lives intersect—is essential for maintaining harmony. The key takeaway is that kindness and generosity should never require sacrificing one’s deeply held values or the bonds that hold a family together.
See what others had to share with OP:
Overall, the Reddit community largely supports the decision to keep the baby gear within the family. Many commenters emphasized that sharing cherished items isn’t an obligation, especially when those items hold deep personal and sentimental value. A significant number of users noted that the coworker’s expectations were unrealistic and that new employees should not automatically inherit long-held family legacies.
There was a general consensus that while generosity is commendable, it must be earned over time through established relationships rather than demanded from someone with only a brief tenure. Some suggested that if the situation escalates, involving HR might be necessary to maintain a respectful workplace environment.
In conclusion, this conflict over baby items highlights the complexity of balancing personal legacy with workplace dynamics. While our storyteller’s decision to keep her baby gear for her family’s future needs is entirely reasonable, the backlash she faced underscores a broader debate about generosity and entitlement in professional relationships.
How do you strike a balance between sharing and protecting personal treasures? What boundaries do you think are essential in the workplace? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate similar challenges.
