AITAH and selfish for not wanting to get married in the courthouse?

A 33-year-old pregnant woman refused her 42-year-old partner’s push for a quick courthouse wedding, insisting on the small dream wedding she’s wanted since childhood. He has full custody of Emma (13), who loathes her—calling her names, ignoring her, and raging over the pregnancy.

Dad says “be patient”; mom tried therapy (Emma quit after two sessions). He wants no fuss to avoid upsetting Emma. She says budget allows a modest event. Overcrowded teen tantrums clash with adult milestones, while rushed rings tighten the knot.

'AITAH and selfish for not wanting to get married in the courthouse?'

Love bloomed post-divorce, but step-family friction ignited fast.

I (female, 33) met my partner, Michael (M, 42), three years ago. Michael has a daughter, Emma (now 13), who lives with him full time. I met Michael about one...

Emma's mother lives with her new husband. Emma visits her mom every other Saturday. Emma hates her stepdad ( and her mom is frustrated) and me. She calls me names...

When he is, she ignores me as if I don't exist. I've tried spending time with her and doing things to make her feel special, but she laughed and told...

Pregnancy poured fuel on the fire.

She became very upset and threw a fit when she found out I was pregnant. Now, her resentment has worsened. Michael wants us to get married before the baby comes....

considering this is his second marriage and I'm pregnant. He thinks this way, Emma won't be upset since there won't be a wedding or anything. He literally said, 'Can you...

Am I being selfish if I want to have a small wedding? I've been dreaming of my wedding day since I was a little girl! We both work, and having...

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ETA clarified stakes and safety fears.

**ETA** I didn’t plan to get pregnant and use it to get married . I’m not in a rush to get married since I wanna look good for my big...

I suggested elopement but unfortunately we can’t find a sitter for Emma for a week ( we can’t go on honeymoon either ). My parents live in Canada . I...

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but I might have to do that once the baby is here … Michael is civil with his ex . Emma’s mother is very respectful to me . Her husband...

Emma’s mom tried therapy many times with her . She refuses ! The most she has ever gone is 2 sessions now she refuses ! Emma’s step dad is done...

Michael does so many activities with her , takes her to father daughter dates . She is great with him but she can’t stand me . She wants nothing to...

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Rushing marriage to placate a hostile teen signals poor co-parenting and future misery. Emma’s behavior—verbal abuse, therapy refusal—demands intervention, not appeasement. Opposing views frame pregnancy as leverage, yet she wants celebration, not shotgun. Simultaneous budget exists for modest joy. Beyond that, dad’s “patience” enables terror.

Child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham warns: “Unaddressed teen rage escalates; shielding a new baby requires boundaries now, not wedding compromises later.” What makes the story more complicated, cross-border job ties trap her.

Critics call her entitled, but lifelong dreams aren’t selfish. The knot tightens with Emma’s baby-risk potential. This mirrors blended-family fails: adult needs versus child tyranny. She’s right to pause; safety trumps speed.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Users screamed NTA, urging separate homes, therapy mandates, and baby-protection plans.

michuru809 − NTA to getting married in a courthouse or wherever else. It would be highly reckless of you to plan on having the baby and Emma living in the...

Getting married because you're pregnant is a bad reason to get married. Marriage can be difficult, and kids don't make things easier- they make everything more difficult as you can...

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Bubbly_One_7247 − I understand Emma is going through a lot with her parent's divorce, however, she needs to be taught that she can decide not to have a relationship with...

Her parents need to step up because allowing her to act like this will only make things worse. You and your partner need to have a long and hard discussion...

and if you want to have this baby, it can not be left alone near Emma, because her attitude has gone unchecked. If your husband tries to pull the "she...

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Dachshundmom5 − I might have to do that once the baby is here … He can go to court and stop you from leaving the country once the baby is...

If you want to save your child from a miserable life with a sister who hates it, the time to go is now. You don't want to get married. That...

How safe do you think that baby will be with her in the house? She wants you gone, hurting the baby could accomplish that. Course both parents suck for not...

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Many demanded separate living until Emma shapes up.

Vegetable-Cod-2340 − NTA Op have you considered moving out or asking them to move out? Allowing them to only return once she’s in therapy? There is no reason you should...

and if neither parent is going to do anything about it, you need to consider your own safety and health and that of your child. This sounds like it will...

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Delicious_Archer_273 − Nta. I’d tell him I’m not entitled to less than the fairy tale because he has a poorly behaved child I’d also state that I will get my...

and the child won’t get his last name until we are legally wed. He needs to put that kid in therapy. I wouldn’t have stayed this long to endure her...

Substantial-Air3395 − Why would you even stay with him, let alone have a baby with this man? His daughter is going to ruin you life.

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Others flagged dad’s half-measures.

Existing_Winter5679 − NTA. Don't get married or move in with this man. He needs to get Emma's ass into therapy and deal with her before bringing you and a new...

That and the fact that he's trying to push you into marriage like this is a giant red flag and I would tell him absolutely not.

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No courthouse wedding for convenience and no wedding at all. I wouldn't want to raise a baby in a house with a volatile teenager like that. I wouldn't want to...

Erythronne − NTA. If you really want this baby, have the baby but this relationship is doomed. Emma sounds like a nightmare and if I were you I’d be worried...

I’d advise breaking up and taking full custody of the baby. It may sound drastic but this kid is using the divorce to exert control. It’s been 3 years. She’s...

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Nervous-Tea-7074 − NTA he needs to stop being a pussy and actually parent his daughter! You shouldn’t be robbed of life milestones because of a spoiled little girl!

Just take a moment and reflect on how he’s treated everything, your pregnancy, proposal, wedding etc! It’s all half assed, taking the easiest option for him. THAT! Is what married...

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What if Emma tried to harm the new baby, is he gonna put it up for adoption, because then Emma can go back to being an only child. OP spot...

A few dissected long-term danger.

AmaraBird93 − NTA and idk how far along you are but this man does not take you seriously

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celticmusebooks − Why are you marrying into this dumpster fire? Her h__red of you is going to get FAR worse when the baby comes. FAR, FAR WORSE. Don't marry this...

Ill_Potato533 − Info, is anyone trying to get her into therapy or anything? Her feelings are real and valid, and her resentment of the two step parents screams that she...

and that something may have happened to make her feel this way. But that being said she shouldn't be allowed to treat anyone the way you describe her treating you

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Taurus67 − Girl, you need to run. Yall should live separately until Emma is out of the house. She is going to be awful to your baby. Never live with...

facinationstreet − This is not the relationship for you. No one is addressing (at least you don't mention anything) the fact that Emma needed to be in therapy and consequences...

Now you are supposed to subsume your adult goals in deference to a child who is obviously running the show. Too bad you got pregnant.

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That was a terrible mistake. You should have broken up with him. Now you are going to bring an innocent baby into this dynamic who will be fully targeted by...

cjbritton − As someone who has helped raise a troubled teen, I wholeheartedly agree that Emma has been allowed to become a terrorist. No one is saying that divorce is...

I don't know what her parents did raising her and discipling her prior to the divorce, but I can guess. She's not acting out because she's neglected.

Some teens act out, because negative attention is at least attention. She gets rewarded for bad behavior with Daddy/daughter dates and fun outings. Consistency and consequences are the bedrock of...

Getting a child of 13 to change their attitude and behavior at this stage is going to take massive amounts of consistency and consequences. It's not easy to be a...

Being consistent in applying rules and expectations means you have to do it no matter how long she fights it. It's exhausting. That brings me to another point. Up to...

Teens that are ruling the roost will not appreciate suddenly facing discipline and consequences. It would not be unusual for them to double down the bad behavior. That could push...

OP, what that means for you, is that home may not be safe for you or the new baby. The baby will mean time, love and attention are diluted even...

If she doubles down, that baby becomes the symbol of her getting less. If she doubles down on bad behavior, that baby makes a tempting target for her anger. She...

I wouldn't take that bet with a vulnerable baby. In spite of all that doom and gloom I just talked about, my niece is now in her early 30's. She's...

She stopped dating the renovation boyfriends and has an SO that holds down a job, is involved with both girls and supports her emotionally in every aspect of her life....

Until her father is prepared to do the work with Emma, you shouldn't marry him. You'll always be connected to him through the baby, but your needs and the baby's...

She wants one joyful day; he wants zero waves. Commenters agree: no wedding until Emma’s in therapy and safe—separate roofs may save the baby. Would you marry into teen terror? Ever fled a blended-family nightmare? Share your exit strategies and vote: NTA or swallow the courthouse pill?

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