AITA: We kicked my husband’s cousin out?

In a bustling household already stretched thin, a 30-year-old woman and her husband find their patience tested by an uninvited guest: his cousin. What started as a few nights of crashing turned into a full-blown invasion, with loud gaming, messiness, and zero contribution pushing the couple to their breaking point. When they finally ask him to leave, a fiery clash erupts, complete with accusations of narcissism and dramatic exits.

This Reddit tale unfolds like a domestic drama, blending stress, boundaries, and family tension. The couple’s decision to reclaim their space sparks a question: was kicking out the cousin justified, or did their harsh words go too far? Let’s dive into this chaotic clash and unpack the fallout.

‘AITA: We kicked my husband’s cousin out?’

Where do I begin? I can’t give all details or this would be crazy long. I guess a little back story. My (30f) husband (35m) and I have been together 3.5 years and just got married in September. We have two girls, I work from home and take care of the kids, and my husband works 4 pm - 2 am.

For 2-2.5 years, we have been taking in my husband’s family or friends that needed a place to stay for a while. Things are obviously stressful with COVID and everything else going on in the US right now. My husband’s cousin (HC) (36m) moved down to Georgia from Chicago area the end of July to work as an audio engineer for some up and coming names in the rap industry.

They had a deal to pay for some of his bills and give him a place to stay. Well, things started going south and they apparently weren’t holding up on their end of the deal, but I don’t know the full story. Anyway, HC ends up spending the night a few times here and it somehow turns into him basically living with us even though he never asked.

He plays COD all night, my husband can’t get to sleep when he gets home cause HC is being loud, he constantly brags about how he’s hanging out with all these rich people even though he complains they don’t pay him like they should, barely brings food into the house and only brings taco meat cause that is all he wants,

gets my kids riled up and loud while I’m working, doesn’t clean up after himself unless I fuss at him, and doesn’t even offer to try to pay a bill to help out. My husband and I both have been struggling mentally the past few months (more than normal) and we realized it was stemming from HC being here on top of our own issues.

We decided to have a conversation with HC and explain that we need space, but he’s still welcome to come around and hang out. The first thing out of his mouth was, “Oh, so you don’t want me here, huh?” We told him it wasn’t like that and not to twist our words. It ending up in me going off on him and calling him a narcissist.

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Between the gaslighting I hear him do to his GF, the way he talks about “his twenty year old” he’s been banging with no condom here in GA, and just other obvious red flags, I’m pretty sure I’m correct on that one. He made a big scene about how he’s going to have to sleep in his car or go back to Illinois.

I told him we were not responsible for keeping him housed and he needed to go talk to one of his “rich friends.” The part that gets me is him saying he wouldn’t have reacted the way he did if we had said something sooner. I know that’s a lie.

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When he finally left, he made a little scene saying, “The narcissist is leaving!” I wanted to be petty and say “At least I’m stable enough to have my own place,” but I let it be. No point I guess. Why does some part of me feel a tiny bit bad? I don’t regret what I did.

Evicting a freeloading family member can feel like reclaiming your sanity, but it’s rarely without drama. The OP and her husband welcomed his cousin out of kindness, but his disruptive behavior—loud gaming, messiness, and lack of contribution—strained their mental health and home. The cousin’s defensive outburst, accusing them of betrayal, and the OP’s sharp “narcissist” jab escalated a tense situation, revealing deeper issues of boundaries and respect.

The cousin’s failure to ask permission to stay long-term or contribute financially violated basic guest etiquette. The couple’s stress, compounded by parenting and work, made his presence unbearable. As psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula notes, “Setting boundaries with entitled individuals often triggers defensiveness, but it’s essential for mental health.” A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of households hosting extended family report increased stress when boundaries aren’t respected.

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This reflects a broader issue: balancing generosity with self-preservation. The cousin’s refusal to acknowledge his impact mirrors narcissistic traits, but the OP’s heated label may have inflamed the conflict. Dr. Durvasula suggests calm, clear communication—like stating expectations upfront—to avoid escalation.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s serving up some fiery takes on this household showdown, and they’re not holding back! Here’s what the community said:

lonnielee3 − NTA. Pro tip : when someone asks a gotcha question like “You don’t want me here, huh?” the way to answer it is “Correct. You have overstayed your welcome and we want you to leave.” He put you on the defensive and got to jerk you around a while like the AH he is. Good riddance to him.

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Definitely-YTA − NTA. He took advantage your generosity and acted like a nuisance, and then tried to play victim when you put your foot down.. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. He can sleep in his car.

MrBarriq − NTA. People who are narcissists will do everything in their power to make you feel bad so that they get their way. From what I can gather, you and your husband seem like good people who were trying to help a family member. However, they took advantage of that from what it seems. At the end of the day, you have to do what is right for you and your family.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Also, I'm pretty sure he's lying to you. About all of it. ~~Pretty sure there was no deal, these 'rappers' aren't up and coming, and he's trying to mooch off the 'rich friends' who probably aren't rich in the first place. If you have money, why are you going to go with the wish version of Rick Ruben.

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36 years old, not stable, and probably no titles, works, awards, or credits? Yeeeaaaah. No.~~They (and he) are probably like quite a few wannabes I know that will rent out studios (because anyone can, only 30 bucks an hour), record mediocre work, pass it around to their buddies and post it on social media......and that's it. 'Yo, check my mix tape!'~~.~~No management.~~. ~~No promoting.~~. ~~No touring.~~. ~~No nothing.~~

Also professional studios have their own staff which includes their own engineers that you can pay for their time. Why would they pay for him to come all the way down to Georgia, house him, and 'pay some bills' when they got people right there? Just google 'recording studios in Georgia' and poke around their site. I'm sure it will alleviate your guilt.~~

Bottom line: Don't feel bad. You were being taken advantage of. He's a grown man. He can act like one.. ​ Edit: OP says he's legit, so I'm gonna defer to what OP says about that. However, I'm doubling down on her not feeling bad. Talent doesn't make you a good person and doesn't give you the right to mistreat, manipulate, lie, and take advantage of people. Like I said, he's a full grown man. He can act like one.

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jebucha − NTA, he's a big boy and should have directly asked if it was ok that he live with you. Everything you've described about his reasons for moving from Illinois sound very shady. Times are tough right now yes, but you and your family deserve to be able to live in peace, to provide a peaceful, healthy home for your kids.

[Reddit User] − NTA, but you should take some responsibility for what happened and learn from it. Everything that happened you and your husband allowed to happen.

WeDoDumplings − NTA he was being a bad guest.

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Crispydragonrider − NTA. He decided to stay without even asking and did about everything he could to make you not want him to be there.

GrymDraig − NTA. If he can't respect your household and take constructive criticism without trying to blame someone else, he can find his own place to live. You don't need toxic people like this around your family.

DaniCapsFan − Given how disruptive he was and that he was mooching, you were right to kick him out. He probably ran out of people to mooch from in Chicago and decided to see if he could glom on to someone in your neck of the woods. Hence his 'work' with folks in the rap industry.. S**t, you should have kicked him out a lot sooner.. NTA

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These bold opinions cut to the chase, but do they capture the full story, or just fan the flames of this family drama?

This saga of evicting a disruptive cousin is a raw reminder that kindness has limits when your home becomes a battleground. The couple’s stand to protect their peace was bold, but the fiery exchange left lingering guilt. Was calling out the cousin’s behavior worth the drama, or should they have softened the blow? Share your thoughts—what’s the toughest boundary you’ve had to set with a family member?

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