AITA to tell my daughters I won’t attend their weddings if they continue to snub my wife to protect their mom’s feelings?

Picture a father, wallet open, heart hopeful, ready to walk his daughters down the aisle—only to hit a wall of family drama thicker than wedding cake. For one dad, the joy of funding his daughters’ weddings turned sour when they insisted on sidelining his wife of eight years to shield their mother’s fragile feelings. Thirteen years after a messy divorce sparked by his ex-wife’s affair, the tension still lingers like an uninvited guest at a reception.

This father’s stand—demanding respect for his current wife—has ignited a firestorm of emotions. His daughters, torn between loyalty to their mom and their dad’s happiness, have drawn a line in the sand. Readers can’t help but wonder: is he right to dig in his heels, or is he risking family ties over a point of pride? The story unfolds with raw honesty, pulling us into a tangle of love, loyalty, and tough choices.

‘AITA to tell my daughters I won’t attend their weddings if they continue to snub my wife to protect their mom’s feelings?’

My two younger daughters (27 and 30) are both getting married next year. Their mother and I divorced 13 years ago. It was a bad breakup when I caught her in an affair but she didn’t want to divorce. Anyways, I’ve remarried to my current wife for 8 years now and we’re very happy to have found each other.

The issue: when my oldest daughter got married, my wife wasn’t invited to spare my ex-wife’s feelings. She struggled to recover from the split and never remarried nor dated. We’re now on amicable terms but she still tries to “rekindle” things even though I’ve shut her down too many times to count.

Regardless, for my oldest’s wedding my wife stayed home to keep the peace. Now my younger daughters want to do the same thing this time and exclude my wife in rather rude ways. I told them early on that I would like to bring my wife of nearly a decade since I’m paying for both of their weddings.

But we just received news that my wife will be told to stay home yet again. I told my daughters this won’t work for me this time and I can’t allow them to snub my wife like this after so many years. My daughters see this as me choosing my wife over them but I completely disagree.

I just think they’ve got no real reason to exclude my wife at this point after 8 years of marriage. They say it’s because my ex wife will get sad and surly seeing us together, but it’s been 13 years since we divorced. AITA to tell them that they shouldn’t be excluding my wife and if they do I can choose not to attend?

Family dynamics can feel like navigating a minefield, especially when weddings amplify old wounds. This father’s dilemma—balancing his daughters’ wishes with respect for his wife—highlights a common struggle in blended families. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, 60% of remarried couples face challenges integrating new partners into family events, often due to unresolved loyalties from past relationships (source: American Psychological Association).

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The father’s frustration is understandable: his daughters’ choice to exclude his wife prioritizes their mother’s comfort, despite her role in the divorce. The opposing view—his daughters’ desire to keep the peace—stems from empathy for their mother, who hasn’t moved on. Yet, after 13 years, expecting the father to sideline his wife feels like a loyalty test he didn’t sign up for.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy boundaries in families require mutual respect for all members’ relationships” (source: The Gottman Institute). Here, the daughters’ exclusion of their stepmother dismisses her role in their father’s life, creating a wedge. Gottman’s insight suggests the father’s stance isn’t about choosing his wife over his daughters but about demanding respect for his marriage.

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To move forward, open communication is key. The father could propose a family meeting to discuss everyone’s feelings, emphasizing that his wife’s inclusion doesn’t diminish his love for his daughters. Setting clear boundaries—like ensuring his wife is invited—can foster mutual respect. Encouraging his ex-wife to seek therapy for unresolved emotions could also ease tensions, creating a healthier dynamic for future family events.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of support and spicy takes. Here’s the raw feedback from the crowd, buzzing with opinions:

teke367 − NTA. It's been 8 years for your marriage, the divorce was 13 years ago, and your daughters are adults. They might be *your children* but they're not *actual children* and shouldn't behave as such.. The only hiccup is that you acquiesced for the first daughter, which set a precedent.. You aren't choosing your wife over them, they're choosing their mother over you.

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EleventyElevens − NTA. YW BTA To your wife if you continued to PAY FOR THE STUFF THOUGH!!! Keep your wallet CLOSED.

10487518386 − NTA. Your daughters are being absolute brats for making you choose between them and your wife of 8 years. It’s an a**hole move to put you in this situation to begin with. THEY’RE the ones forcing you to choose. I’m sorry but they’re both grown ass women who should know better.

How many times do they expect you to snub your wife to please your ex? At a certain point you need to learn to respect your parent’s relationships even if it’s uncomfortable for you. You never cheated, your ex wife did, so there’s even LESS reason for your wife to be excluded like this.

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Dangerfyeld − NTA. So your daughters want to protect the feelings of the woman who cheated on you and realistically broke up your marriage? While also snubbing the wife of the man paying for their weddings? Yeah massive NTA. I think it's time they pay for their own weddings if they care so little for your feelings and happiness.

invisiblegiants − NTA, but I feel like this is going to end up being unpopular. This woman has been your wife for nearly a decade, and your ex is the one that cheated. That is more than enough time for them all to come to terms with the current state of things.

Their behavior would only be appropriate to me if you were the one that cheated, it was very recent, and your wife was the affair partner. With the way things happened they should all allow you to move on. I get that they want to protect their mother’s feelings but she was the one at fault in your divorce and it seems they are not considering your feelings.

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They can of course do whatever they want with their own weddings, but they are assholes for continuing to snub your wife of nearly a decade who seemingly has not done anything wrong. They may accuse you of choosing your wife over them, but they have chosen their mother over you.

Edit: I was wrong about this being an unpopular opinion, there weren’t others when I wrote it. This sub tends to vote that people are not assholes for doing whatever they want for their weddings. Glad I wasn’t way off base with this.

My_Opinions_Are_Good − INFO: How close of a relationship does your wife have to your daughters?  In any case, i don't think you're the a**hole for wanting to bring your partner to an important family event. If your daughters don't have a relationship with your wife, I can see why they'd value avoiding conflict with their mother over inviting your wife.. I think your ex is the a**hole, but I'm undecided on your daughters.

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wardensoath − NTA. Im a child of divorce. My mom cheated on my dad (i dont put all the blame on her, she was i an unhappy marriage) but she is still with my step dad ever since and they are married. 17 years now and my dad still makes snarky remarks about it whenever i see him, it's really annoying.

So thibking about getting married one day, i have a lot of stress bc i know my dad would take it has a betrayal that i have a very good relation with my stepdad. Like no way i wouldn't have a dance with him on my wedding day? Not the father-daughter dance obviously but in less one.

It makes me not want to get married at all just thinking about the drama. But if it comes to this, i prefer cutting out my father if needs to be. Its been years now. F**king get over it. I had pity for 10 years no more. In your case, SHE is the one who cheated, it makes it even easier. Stick to your point.

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Tell your daugther while you dont want a make her anxious (honestly its so f**king stressful to have to force your divorced parents in the aame room), it is childish and innapropriate to cut out your wife. You are married, you paying for the wedding means she is contribuating also to the wedding. The mom needs to grow up. Children should not have to protect tgeir parents feelings

ItsGoodToChalk − NTA. Your ex-wife is though, as I'm guessing she's causing all the drama.

ViolentPlotBunny − INFO Do your daughters believe mom was blameless in your split?

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namieamie − NTA. Your kids are assholes. It’s not you choosing between them and your wife. They are choosing your ex-wife over your. Ex-wife can pay for their weddings too. Normally I would ask if this is worth straining the relationship with your kids,

but it looks like they have done enough of the straining already if they repeatedly excluded your wife of 10 years in such a huge way. They themselves are getting married, so I hope they understand that you and your wife are a unit and can be respectful of that.

These Redditors rallied behind the father, calling out his daughters for prioritizing their mother’s feelings over his happiness. Some saw their stance as a slap in the face, especially since he’s footing the bill. Others wondered if the ex-wife’s influence is fueling the drama. But do these fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just adding fuel to the family fire?

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This father’s ultimatum—attend with his wife or not at all—forces a tough question: where do you draw the line between family loyalty and personal boundaries? His daughters’ choice to exclude his wife may stem from love for their mother, but it risks alienating their father. Weddings should unite, not divide, yet this family’s stuck in a tug-of-war. What would you do if you were caught between honoring your past and embracing your present? Share your thoughts below!

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