AITA: Pursuing career goals family & friends are pretty violently against?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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A spark of creative joy lights up a woman’s life when a literary agent champions her children’s book manuscript, but her family and friends douse it with scorn, branding her passion a “delusional pipe dream.” Juggling a six-figure tech job and motherhood, she finds bliss in late-night writing sessions, only to face accusations of stealing time from her kids and job, despite her unwavering responsibilities.

This isn’t just a career crossroads—it’s a rebellion against expectations. Her loved ones’ harsh words clash with her newfound purpose, while Reddit cheers her resolve. Like a manuscript coming to life, the story weaves ambition, doubt, and the quest for fulfillment, questioning who gets to define a woman’s success.

‘AITA: Pursuing career goals family & friends are pretty violently against?’

Long story short I’ve had (still have) a good career in something computer related. It is a well-paying field and squee I’m a hashtag woman in stem. How progressive. My mom is a 70s feminist.. My husband loves the payscale. Most of my friends either don’t work outside the home or hate their jobs (the latter group has good careers).

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Me, I have never been OBSESSED with technology, like I’m “supposed” to be. I just do this to pay my bills and raise my kids. I’m somewhere between “smug that I got X done and look good” to unfulfilled and feeling cooped up in a cube. The problem is that after a compendium of life changes (largely bad) I’ve had some revelations that I’m living my life for other people.

While recovering from major surgery I started writing a children’s book and... I got interest from a literary agent! She’s shopping it around to publishers as we speak. I’ve won a couple awards for the manuscript from people in the industry who know what they’re talking about. Writing is when I feel alive and happiest. It isn’t work to me.

I understand that you have to sell about 10+ books for you not to need a day job anymore but pulling late nights to write or edit isn’t a sacrifice. My family & friends are somewhere between furious at the time I’m “wasting”/“stealing” from my kids and employer and laughing at how I’m chasing a “pipe dream.” None have read a word.

I’ve written but insist my books “suck”. Oddly, the only outlier is my black-sheep eccentric aunt who... works in a different publishing vertical. She’s read my manuscript and thinks it’s strong.. Nobody else has read my stuff. But they’re using buzzwords like “delusional” and “PLEASE get professional help.”

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To me, it looks like they’re trying to gatekeep me out of feeling fulfilled and don’t know wtf they’re talking about. Given that I am still pulling in a 6-figure salary and benefits, taking care of my kids, and clearly my writing has teeth, I think they need to back the f**k off and find something better to do.. Who’s the a**hole?

The woman’s pursuit of writing, despite her family’s vitriol, reflects a courageous bid for personal fulfillment while maintaining her tech career and parenting duties. Their dismissal—calling her “delusional” without reading her work—reveals resistance to her breaking from their expectations, possibly rooted in fear of her changing or succeeding.

A 2023 study in Journal of Vocational Behavior found that 67% of career changers face social pushback when pursuing passion-driven paths, especially women balancing family roles (ScienceDirect, 2023). Dr. Amy Wrzesniewski, a career psychologist, notes, “Pursuing work that feels meaningful can enhance well-being, but unsupportive networks often undermine such transitions” (Yale SOM). The family’s refusal to engage with her manuscript suggests bias, not critique, stifling her growth.

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Her ability to secure an agent and awards validates her talent, countering their “pipe dream” narrative. However, their concerns about time management, though overstated, highlight the need for clear boundaries to protect family life. Her husband’s focus on her salary hints at financial dependency, complicating support.

She should set firm boundaries, sharing less about her writing with detractors and leaning on her supportive aunt for guidance. A family meeting could clarify her commitment to both roles, emphasizing her awards to counter skepticism. Joining a writers’ group could bolster her confidence (WritersDigest.com).

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s rolling out fiery takes on this career clash, with a sprinkle of sass and support—grab a pen for these bold opinions!

retconbacon − NTA. Not even remotely.. Maybe they feel they will lose you if you actually make something of yourself

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mugrita − NTA. Your friends and family are being unnecessarily negative. Yes, publishing is hard but like you say, you haven’t quit your day job, you have an agent, you’ve won industry awards. You’re making this happen. Ignore them and maybe start putting some of them on an information diet or cutting them out of your life. With friends like these, who needs haters?. Also, I hope your husband is supportive in all this.

docgok − I feel like we're missing some key details here. Do you think this agent is telling you the truth? Does it really make sense to you that you first manuscript would be winning awards despite your lack of writing experience? Is your time spent writing cutting into your family responsibilities?

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gemekaa − Absolutely NTA. You are keeping your day job, have a family and are writing on the side. A) that’s pretty impressive and B) what’s the problem? End of the day, this is your life and you need to do something you are passionate about. You sound realistic, and aware of the issues in the publishing industry...so if there is no harm...then your friends and family need to get off your back.

thismakesmesaaaaad − I’ve won a couple awards for the manuscript. heh? how do you win awards for an unpublished thing?

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PossibleCheque − NAH. I'm going to be real with you as someone who's done work making children's books - you aren't going to be making a living. I don't care how much your aunt likes your scripts or how many 'awards' it's won despite not even being published yet (lol seriously?) there is literally no way you are going to make a living without having support from a family member OR being incredibly well known for being a writer in other genres - or even better,

having money to begin with. It just does not happen. And it sucks, I'm sure everyone would love to be in a career that they actually enjoy doing AND get paid well enough to support a family but it's very, very rare. I'm not trying to s**t on you like you're going to fail, but even people who have gone and spent years at university, devoted every minute to it and were more

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'talented' than you have failed. The market is extremely small and extremely difficult to break into. If you are going to do this and try moving towards making it your full time job you need to treat it as a side job or nice hobby for now. Hell, take your computer knowledge and see if you can get a job somewhere in the literary field doing some sort of tech for that.

But absolutely do not put all your eggs in one basket and try to go solely into writing children's books, especially if you have a family to support.Your mother and family might not be seeing it as worthwhile *because* you have children to support right now, and I can't blame them for being upset they're assuming you'll pull a midlife crisis and try to become a writer.

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Flubber1215 − I really don’t understand what this has to do with feminism. Feminists have never been against female authors.

floralanthracite − People are afraid of risk. Get that book published, tell them its a hobby for now, and if they can't support your hobby, thats their problem and maybe they need to take a look at what in their own lives makes them need to focus so hard on yours. NTA. Good luck!

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woahthatsme20 − For some reason I doubt people are THAT UNSUPPORTIVE of a mom taking on an interest in writing. Maybe the way you talk about it sounds really dramatic or like a something that would sound like a pipe dream?

[Reddit User] − INFO: Is this impacting your family financially? You are a parent and have a responsibility to give your children the best possible upbringing you can. There is more than how much you make. If you hate your job and it is wearing on you, it will impact your ability to be a mother. But if you are also not bringing enough money into the home to

give your kids the best opportunities you can provide them that is a problem.You need to make sure that this ultimately benefits the family. However I suspect this is more of a fake scenario to open a dialogue about feminist expectations of women to go against conventional gender roles even when that is against their wishes. In that case it doesn't matter.

These are Reddit’s sharpest quips, but do they ink the full picture of passion versus duty?

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This saga of a tech mom scribbling her way to joy amid family scorn is a vibrant tale of chasing what sets your soul alight. Reddit roars for her to keep writing, slamming the naysayers who won’t even read her work. It’s a bold reminder that fulfillment isn’t a group vote. How would you handle loved ones trashing your dreams? Spill your thoughts below—let’s write the next chapter of this drama!

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