AITA: opened a jar of sauce to use some and put the rest in the fridge?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Household rules and expectations, even seemingly minor ones, can sometimes lead to unexpected conflicts. What might seem like a trivial action to one person can be a significant issue for another, especially when communication isn’t perfectly clear. In a recent Reddit post, an 18-year-old shared a perplexing situation involving a jar of Alfredo sauce, his mother’s sudden change in stance on opened jars, and the resulting family friction.The story raises questions about household etiquette, communication, and whether a seemingly innocuous act could indeed be considered wrong.

The protagonist, who mentions being autistic, describes a family where opening a jar of sauce, using some, and refrigerating the rest is a common practice. However, a simple decision to open a jar of Alfredo sauce for his pasta led to an unexpected outburst from his mother, leaving him confused and wondering if he had somehow violated an unwritten rule. Let’s delve into this kitchen kerfuffle and see if we can decipher who, if anyone, might be the “a**hole” in this saucy situation.

‘AITA: opened a jar of sauce to use some and put the rest in the fridge?’

So to preface this: my (18m) mom (47 F) usually has no issue with opening jars of red sauce, using a little, then putting them in the fridge and using them for a meal later on. My dad does it, I do it, she does it, my grandma does it. She has never expressed a problem with it before. This is important. It is also important to note I am autistic.

So tonight, I opened a jar of Alfredo sauce. I asked my brother (12 M) for help with opening the jar, and mom starts freaking out and saying not to open it- but by the time she said anything, it was already open. So I used the sauce in my pasta and she starts complaining that it can’t be used for a meal now.

Thankfully I had the self control not to say my immediate response out loud, and instead said “Yes it can?? It’s not like I stuck my fingers in the jar.”. And now she’s moping on her phone and acting like I’ve committed a federal offense.. Did I do something wrong?? Am I the a**hole or is this stupid… 

This scenario highlights the complexities of communication and differing expectations within families. The protagonist’s mention of being autistic is a significant factor, as individuals with autism may interpret rules and instructions more literally and may find unexpected changes in established routines particularly challenging. The established norm in the family regarding red sauce likely led the protagonist to assume the same rule applied to Alfredo sauce, especially since his mother hadn’t previously indicated otherwise.

The mother’s sudden change in reaction and her distress over the opened Alfredo sauce suggest that she may have had a specific plan for that particular jar, or perhaps a different rule applies to cream-based sauces due to their shorter shelf life or other reasons. However, her reaction came after the jar was already open, and her initial instruction to stop was too late.

The protagonist’s response, “Yes it can?? It’s not like I stuck my fingers in the jar,” reflects a logical and literal interpretation of the situation. From his perspective, simply opening the jar and using some sauce, while intending to refrigerate the rest, shouldn’t render the remaining sauce unusable.

The conflict seems to stem from a lack of clear communication and potentially differing perspectives on household rules. The mother may have assumed her son would know not to open the Alfredo, or she may have only realized her need for the full jar at the last moment. The protagonist, relying on past experiences and a lack of explicit instructions, acted based on what he perceived as the norm.

In such situations, clear and direct communication is crucial. Had the mother explicitly stated her plans for the Alfredo sauce beforehand, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. Similarly, if the protagonist had thought to ask specifically about the Alfredo sauce before opening it, he might have prevented the conflict. The mother’s moping and acting as if a “federal offense” had been committed seems like an overreaction to a simple misunderstanding, especially given the established family practice with other sauces.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community was divided on this issue, with opinions ranging from “Not the Ahole” to “You’re the Ahole,” highlighting the subjective nature of household rules and etiquette. Some commenters felt the OP was not the asshole, emphasizing the established family norm of opening and refrigerating sauce, and the fact that the mother’s instruction came too late. They also pointed out that the OP’s logical reasoning about not contaminating the sauce was valid.

However, other commenters leaned towards the OP being the asshole, suggesting that he should have stopped immediately when his mother said not to open the jar, even if it was already open. Some speculated that the mother might have needed the entire jar for a specific recipe or that cream-based sauces have different handling rules than tomato-based sauces. A few commenters also suggested that as an 18-year-old, the OP should have asked before opening a new jar of sauce that he didn’t purchase himself.

The comments also touched upon the importance of communication and the possibility that the mother might also have her own way of processing the situation. The suggestion that the OP should have simply asked his mother what was wrong instead of arguing was a recurring theme. These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality?

Federal-Ferret-970 − She may have had plans for the sauce and needed the full jar. So when she told you to stop you absolutely should have and found something else.

No-Names-Left-Here − “Yes it can?? It’s not like I stuck my fingers in the jar.” And this is what made YTA. Once she said stop you should have capped it and put it away, not used it.

Argylesox95 − The needle is leaning towards soft YTA (not a huge one) because instead of figuring out why it was a problem, you doubled down on your plan to use the sauce. You went with

MyFirstNameIsLisa − Not sure if I'd say YTA, but as an adult, with or without functioning autism, unless you bought that jar of Alfredo, you should have asked first.. I do hope you apologized for both opening a new jar of sauce and for not asking first.

keesouth − Now that you use part of it, it may not be enough for a full meal. Your mistake was arguing and immediately telling her yes it can instead of asking her exactly what she meant. Now you're here on Reddit trying to figure out if you're an a**hole instead of just having a conversation with your mother about what she meant.

Tiny-Turtle-4716 − YTA there’s a huge difference between a cream sauce and a tomato based sauce. Cream sauces spoil faster and taste weird to some people. Don’t do that

IllTemperedOldWoman − Hey, a mom here. She had plans that required all the Alfredo. You doubled down and ignored her and ate some in front of her. She got irritated not only at the inability to do what she planned but also your doubling down/ignoring her. You want freedom to eat what you want. She wants the freedom to cook for all of you. YTA

DinaFelice − In some households, everything in the communal areas of the fridge/pantry is fair game unless specifically reserved by someone (they can write their name on it, they can inform everyone that it's off limits, each person can have one small section that

In other households, the default is that each item belongs to someone except for items that have specifically been deemed to be shared. And those shared items can either be individual things (e.g.

Based on what you wrote, it is impossible to know which kind of household you were in, so therefore it is impossible to know whether or not your behavior of opening the sauce was reasonable. If you are in the first type of household, your mother had the responsibility to tell you it was off limits.

If you are in the second type of household, even if red sauce is normally fair game, you cannot necessarily assume that applies to other types of sauce. So based purely on your action of opening the jar in the first place -- in other words, *before* your mother said anything -- I would need more information before making a judgment

However, the second your mother indicated there was a problem, you needed to stop. I understand that by that point, the jar was already open. You should have apologized for the misunderstanding, and then either put it back in the fridge without using it, or else you needed to ask for permission before taking any.. So for using it on your pasta *after* your mother indicated it was a problem, YTA

lydocia − It's interesting to think about the possibility that your mother might also be autistic snd this

Oh_Hae − YTA. You were told no and to stop. 18 is more than old enough to understand the word stop and to understand there was probably a reason you were told to stop. Doesn't matter if it is from your parent, sibling, roommate, spouse. It has nothing to do with putting it in the fridge.

This seemingly minor conflict over a jar of Alfredo sauce highlights the complexities of household dynamics and the importance of clear communication. While the protagonist acted based on established family norms and his own logical reasoning, his mother clearly had a different expectation or plan for the sauce. The situation underscores the need for explicit communication about household rules, especially when there might be exceptions or unstated preferences. For individuals with autism, clear and direct instructions are particularly important to avoid misunderstandings.

Ultimately, while the protagonist’s actions might have been based on a reasonable assumption given past experiences, the conflict could have been avoided with better communication from both sides. Perhaps a follow-up conversation between the protagonist and his mother could clarify the rules for different types of sauces and prevent similar “jarring” conflicts in the future. What are some common unwritten rules in your household that might lead to misunderstandings?

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