AITA not paying any more towards our daughter’s wedding after she cut pieces off her mother’s wedding dress for her own?

A wedding dress can be more than fabric—it’s a vessel of love, memory, and family legacy. For one couple, their daughter’s decision to chop up her mother’s cherished gown, handcrafted with her grandmother, for her own wedding creation shattered that legacy and their trust. Furious and heartbroken, the father pulled his financial support for her wedding, leaving her scrambling and the family divided. Was his stand a fair consequence, or did he go too far?

Reddit’s buzzing with takes on this sartorial scandal, weighing respect for heirlooms against a bride’s vision. As the threads of family ties fray, let’s dive into this tale of dresses, deceit, and tough love that’s got everyone stitching together opinions.

‘AITA not paying any more towards our daughter’s wedding after she cut pieces off her mother’s wedding dress for her own?’

When a daughter’s wedding choice cuts deeper than fabric, family bonds unravel. Here’s the original Reddit post that’s got the sewing circle in a spin:

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My wife made her wedding dress with her mother. Its very sentimental to her and she was very proud of it. It was simple but freaking gorgeous. She has always said she would love for our kids to wear her dress at their wedding. We have 3 daughters (34, 30, 25) and 1 son (28).

My wife made it known that the dress was not to be altered except to be taken in/let out so it could be kept and reworn. Our youngest daughter didn't wear it. Our DIL wore it for their reception and our son held it up against him for some pre-wedding bridal pictures so he wasn't left out...he totally rocked it. Oldest daughter wore it for her wedding.

We've offered some financial contributions to all our children towards either school, a wedding, or a house downpayment. Olivia has asked for help paying for her wedding.

The wedding is in the beginning of August. A few months ago Olivia asked my wife if she could use the dress for her wedding and my wife gave her the dress so Olivia could get it fitted with plenty of time.

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Tuesday Olivia asked me to go with her to pay some vendors, one of the stops was the tailor shop for a final fitting and pay the seamstress. Olivia was really nervous and I figured it was just usual pre-wedding jitters and excitement. The dress Olivia came out in was not at all her mother's dress. It was a completely different dress with parts of her mother's gown added to it.

She took the straps, the sash, the train, and the embroidered top skirt and had it added to this new dress. I was befuddled for a bit and then asked what the hell this was. Olivia's reasoning was that she was the last of our kids to get married and there wasn't anyone else to wear it and she made sure to instruct they keep the original dress to be returned to her.

I told her that's not the same, she knows it, and the dress was never hers to do with what she wanted. I asked the seamstress for the rest of my wife's dress and had Olivia tell my wife in person what she had done. My wife was devastated. I have since canceled the payments I made that day and told her I won't be paying another cent to her wedding.

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She and her fiance can figure it out. Our youngest daughter thinks I've gone overboard knowing Olivia planned her wedding with our help in mind and without it, she can't finish paying for everything.

Olivia's future in-laws also agree with that- they can't afford to help and suggested I should pay, and then we just go low contact with Olivia. I've told them both that Olivia took something irreplaceable from her mother for her own vanity. I know we originally offered help with the wedding but I think Olivia’s actions warrant canceling that offer. AITA?

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Edit: Just want to address a misconception- We have not gone low or no contact with Olivia; her inlaws suggested it and that is insane. My wife's initial reaction to finding out Tuesday was to not go to the wedding; that was said in anger and not a done deal.

It'd probably depend a lot on Olivia's handling until then as well. Taking her dress she paid for would hurt our relationship with her just as much as not paying for anything else. Which is why we are discussing our options and skimming comments for things we have not thought of and are doable.

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The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

For this father, discovering his daughter Olivia had dismantled her mother’s treasured wedding dress—against explicit rules—was a betrayal that tore at the heart of family trust. The dress, a symbol of his wife’s pride and legacy, was meant to be preserved for all their children, yet Olivia’s secret alterations for her own gown left it in pieces and her mother devastated. Withdrawing wedding funds was a gut reaction to a calculated act, but it’s sparked debate about proportionality.

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This situation underscores the emotional weight of family heirlooms. A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that damaging sentimental items often triggers grief akin to personal loss, straining relationships (Source). Family therapist Dr. Susan Forward advises, “Betrayals over cherished possessions require accountability; consequences like financial withdrawal can be fair if communicated clearly” (Source). Forward’s insight supports the father’s stance, as Olivia knowingly violated a boundary.

The father could demand Olivia return the altered pieces for restoration, potentially softening his stance if she complies. A family meeting might clarify expectations for future heirlooms

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s threading the needle with fierce support for the father’s decision, stitching together outrage at Olivia’s actions and shade at her in-laws’ audacity. Here’s what they had to say:

mdthomas − NTA. That was hugely disrespectful to your wife. The dress didn't even belong to your daughter!. If they can't afford the big wedding without your help then they can downsize the wedding.

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SherbetAnnual2294 − NTA - she tried the old ask forgiveness not permission for a reason. This is clear by her being really nervous to show you the dress. I’d imagine she also showed you first so you could try to soften the blow to your wife. This was pre-meditated which makes her an AH.

Due to her not respecting you or your wife with her choice, I don’t think you’re in the wrong from pulling your support from the wedding. Tell her she already has your entire contribution in fabric.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. She destroyed your wife's precious dress without even a thought.

RedAss2005 − Obviously, NTA, but the gall of the in-laws. They didn't but in to be peacemakers for their soon to be daughter-in-law I could appreciate that. No, they just wanted your money and openly admit it by suggesting low contact after.

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Olivia AH, In-laws AH, youngest- probably just trying to help, you and your wife NTA! Emotionally it isn't the same I know, but if you have all the pieces a good seamstress can probably reassemble it to look original.

LockWithoutAKey − NTA. There were no uncertain terms about the usage of the dress. The fact is she never intended to respect those rules. Also just because someone plans for something assuming they're getting money, doesn't mean they should still get the money no matter what??

Like, I could plan a vacation assuming I was getting money for working. But if I took a dump on my boss' desk, I'd definitely look dumb for saying 'so am I still getting paid for the next month? I really need it for my trip'

[Reddit User] − Wow, this is like a scene right out of '27 Dresses'. You are so NTA. Why should you reward someone who has so throughly betrayed your wife's trust? Even if the dress could be put back together, it's a horrible thing to do. All she had to do was not wear the dress.

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TinyRascalSaurus − NTA. The terms for the LOAN of the dress were very clear. It was not given to Olivia, it was lent under conditions she agreed to, and she made changes behind the owner's back. Older wedding dresses react to disassembly and alterations very differently.

I need to replace the lace on my mom's 1970s wedding dress, and the number of warnings I've gotten to make sure the work is done by a restoration business, not a tailor shop, is crazy. The dress may not be able to be put back again because the integrity of the pieces may be damaged.

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ProfPlumDidIt − NTA. Olivia knew what she was doing, knew it would hurt her mother, and she didn't care even a little bit. She made a choice and choices have consequences, and she needs to face every single consequence possible.

I personally would tell her that, unless she pays to put that dress back exactly the way it was (by a seamstress you choose, which means she'd need to turn over her dress with the butchered pieces on it to you) within one week, you not only won't pay for the wedding, you won't attend, either, because it would hurt you too much to have to look at her in the a**mination she created from her mother's dress.

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lapsteelguitar − Your daughter took a high risk, high reward approach to her funding her wedding and her wedding dress. It didn't pan out, it would seem. That's what happens when you try to deceive people, and damage their property.

I have no problem with you not paying for the wedding. And I wouldn't blame if you don't attend. But don't put anybody else in an awkward position by asking others not to attend. That would not be fair.. NTA.

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Mom_2_gurlz − NTA but I would have instructed the seamstress to return your wife’s dress to its original state!! Your daughter had no right to alter/butcher a dress that didn’t belong to her in the first place! How fours she know that nobody else would wear the dress after her? You might have granddaughters that might have wanted to wear the dress in the future seeing as their mothers wore that dress!

These are the tailored takes from Reddit, but do they sew up the full story, or is there more fabric to unfold?

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This father’s decision to pull wedding funds after his daughter butchered her mother’s dress was a stand for respect and legacy, but it’s left a family in tatters. Olivia’s premeditated act, knowing the dress’s significance, justifies consequences, though her wedding plans now hang by a thread. Restoring the dress or an honest apology might mend some seams. Have you ever had to enforce tough consequences for a family betrayal? What would you do in this father’s shoes?

The author has updated the information for the article below:

Update: For those saying the dress wouldn't be worn again anyway she has this to say: 'Its not about whether or not it would be worn again. If none of my children asked to wear it, I still would keep the dress for me. My mother taught me everything I know about sewing. We spent months picking out fabrics and doing trial and error on practice dresses as we made mine.

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It was mine. It was my one prized possession that held incredible memories for me. I have thought of having it put in my casket with me because once I'm gone the person it mattered to is gone. However, I would have worn it again. Our 40th anniversary is in a couple years and I was very much looking forward to recreating our photos.

It may seem like I'm choosing my dress over my daughter- I'm not. It is her deceit, indifference, and her blatant lack of remorse that I am hurt most by and having a hard time with. It is the underhanded ways she thought to address the issue.

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It is the fact she will not apologize and have a conversation with me but is only worried about the rest of her wedding items being paid for and pinning it until after her honeymoon. I did not raise her to be like that. I would have loved to help her make designs for the dress she picked out if she had asked and she knows this. I have never denied her help in her life nor has our help come with conditions.'

Today we'll take my wife's dress to the seamstress that has the frankendress to see what can be repaired. My wife has said the sash and train are most likely lost as the fabric of the gown was cut and the seams undone properly..paraphrasing here, not up on sewing lingo. Unfortunately, even if it can be restored or parts of it, Olivia is currently not wanting to give up the dress after the wedding.

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She wants to keep hers and is imploring her mother to understand since she kept her wedding dress for so long. We don't want to lose our relationship with our daughter, but we both agree there need to be consequences and there isn't really any moving forward if Olivia isn't willing to budge on anything.

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