AITA not letting my parents move with me, because I don’t want to give up my pets’ room?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a cozy home, buzzing with the quiet joy of wagging tails and purring companions, a sanctuary carved out by a 37-year-old woman who’s finally found peace after years of breaking free from control. Her four furry friends—two dogs and two cats—reign supreme, their custom room a testament to her love, complete with wall perches and a door to a backyard playground. Then, a sudden call shatters the calm: her estranged parents, after losing their home, beg to move in, sparking a clash of loyalty and boundaries.

This tale tugs at the heart—pets versus parents, a dilemma dripping with emotion. She offers the living room, a generous compromise, but fury erupts as they demand the pets’ palace instead. Caught between guilt and self-preservation, her story unfolds, leaving us to wonder: where do you draw the line when family and furry family collide?

‘AITA not letting my parents move with me, because I don’t want to give up my pets’ room?’

I (37F) am not close to my parents (65F e 67M). One of several reasons is their control and I always hated that. Even living alone, they wanted to control and it took several years (of therapy) to almost completely cut them out of my life and I have lived in peace for 7 years.

I don't intend to have children, I don't intend to get married and live together (even dating), so my expenses are with me and my 4 pets (2 dogs and 2 cats). They live a life of luxury, honestly, because I have a job that pays well. I have a 3bd/3ba house, the two suites I use for bedroom and office.

The spare room is for my pets. The entire room is modified, several things on the wall for cats, beds, toys, a door that leads to the backyard. (I like to sleep completely alone and in peace, which has already proved ineffective when sleeping with all of them).

My parents only visited my house once and before my pets (the oldest is 4 years old). So really, at the time, there was an empty room. Last week my parents called me saying they lost their house (financed and delayed a lot of installments) and asked if they could stay in the spare room.

I said that only the living room would be available, they could sleep on the floor (mattress) or sofa (very spacious and comfortable), as the free room became my pets' room. They started to get angry, saying that pets could sleep in the living room instead of them,

and that it is extremely disrespectful to offer parents, even worse elderly people, to sleep in the living room on the floor or sofa while pets could do it.. In addition to complaints about my lifestyle and the fact that I have a pet room..

I got angry and said my house was not open to them. Since then, I've been being bombarded by their messages saying that they're in a hotel (spending what they shouldn't) and next week they'll go to a shelter, because I uninvited them,

and preferred my pets over not leaving them homeless. Other relatives couldn't help and they didn't bother me either, because they know the pain in the ass that my parents are.. I already blocked them, but would like an outside opinion.. AITA? 

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Family ties can bend and break under the weight of past control, and this story highlights a classic tug-of-war between duty and self-care. This woman, having clawed her way to peace after years of parental overreach, now guards her space—pets and all—like a fortress. Her parents’ anger at sleeping on a comfy sofa while cats lounge in luxury might sound comical, but it masks a deeper rift: boundaries clashing with expectation.

Let’s widen the lens. The National Alliance on Mental Illness notes that 1 in 5 adults faces mental health challenges, often tied to toxic family dynamics (see: nami.org). Here, past control and emotional blackmail linger, fueling her reluctance. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once said, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously” (from Psychology Today). His wisdom rings true: she’s shielding her mental health, and her pets—her chosen family—symbolize that safe zone.

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Her offer of the living room was a olive branch, however wobbly. Parents facing hardship might feel entitled, yet her history of therapy and distance suggests their control left scars. A gentle nudge: she could explore local resources—housing aid or social services—for them. But forcing herself to host risks reigniting old wounds. Balance is key: help from afar, if possible, without surrendering her sanctuary.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew chimed in with fiery takes, blending support and a dash of sass—here are the highlights, straight from the digital campfire!

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Time_Highlight89 − NTA. I have a feeling that if you let them stay in the living room for a week, they'll still be there a year from now. We'll be reading a post about how you had to move out of your house and buy a new house for yourself just to get away from your parents.

It's hard not to feel some pressure here, but it's your life. They did this to themselves, and they had to work hard to do it. Think about all the missed opportunities they had to prevent this from happening.

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Skurtz8446 − NTA. Sounds like there’s probably a history of some kind of abuse and you’ve managed to escape that toxicity. Despite that, you still offered them a place to stay. They didn’t like what you offered and disinvited themselves, essentially. You’re not responsible for their actions or the consequences that befall them.

csunya − NTA. Did your parents ever use the “my house my rules” if yes, then use it on them. I do not know you or your parents, but I get the vibe from your writing that the parents might be actively hostile/abusive to your family (pets).

sychosomaticBlonde − NTA. I’m your mom now and I want to tell you some things you should’ve been told by a parent a long time ago. I’m sorry. I should’ve never made such a big deal about your food. I love you regardless of what you choose to eat.. I’m sorry. I should’ve never micromanaged your finances.

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I love you regardless of your financial situation.. I’m sorry. I should’ve never been so harsh about your grades. I love you regardless of your GPA. I’m proud of you for doing so well for yourself and your chosen family. I’m so glad you’ve found happiness for yourself.

I should never have asked you to open your home to someone who treated you so badly. You have no obligation to forgive those who abused you, whether it was emotional or physical or financial. Even if they say sorry. Especially if they don’t.. You should feel no guilt for the strict boundaries that make you feel safe.

Spoopyowo − NTA, if you have already cut them out you know what they will bring to you and your life. If you are happy and content I say leave them to their own devices. They've made their own choices and I assume those choices negatively effected you otherwise they would still be in your life.. Be free bro, don't let their guilt and bs drag you down.

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TallChick66 − You offered a free place to stay, it wasn't up to their standards and they fought you on it. I'd say, they made their own bed so now they can lay in it. It's sad that you're questioning whether you're in the wrong.

There's no shame in protecting yourself from those that harm you. Going NC is definitely warranted here. Take care of yourself and continue to take such great care of the animals that bring joy to your life. NTA

tatersprout − NTA You know what would happen if you let them in. They have already started verbally abusing you again. You will lose control of your home, sanctuary, and safe place. I also had abusive parents and would let them be homeless over moving in with me. They are grown adults and not your responsibility.

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Lawn_Orderly − NTA. You dodged a bullet by them rejecting your offer of the living room. Once they got in it would be hard to get them out.

ManofLegacy − NTA, read the first paragraph of your post again. You would be foolish to let them live with you at this point. What you did was to have boundaries, and instead of them being grateful that you were offering them a couch or some space in the house they berated you,

and showed exactly why you'd cut them out of your life for all those years. You owe them nothing. If you had a loving wonderful relationship with them they would have gladly taken the couch or the floor with the mattress.

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Free_Ad_7708 − NTA they made a request, you gave an offer and they refused. If their really that desperate they would have taken the living room

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe the sofa wasn’t five-star, but turning it down for a hotel bill? That’s a plot twist even M. Night Shyamalan couldn’t dream up!

This saga of pets, parents, and personal space leaves us at a crossroads—loyalty to family battles loyalty to self and furry companions. She’s built a life of peace, a pet palace her pride and joy, yet the shadow of guilt lingers as her parents face uncertainty. It’s a messy, human story, and her firm stance sparks a big question. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts below—have you faced a family-versus-freedom showdown? Share your take and let’s unpack this together!

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