AITA not giving up my room for my roommate’s dad?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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A house fire displaces a woman’s roommate’s parents, prompting him to offer their apartment as a temporary refuge. However, tensions erupt when he demands she give up her bedroom for his father, citing cultural reverence for elders. Her refusal, driven by sleep issues and privacy concerns, leads to yelling and accusations, with him insisting she pay for a hotel, pushing her to lock herself in her room.

This Reddit story explores the friction between personal boundaries and cultural obligations during a crisis. It delves into the challenges of shared living when empathy clashes with entitlement, highlighting the woman’s struggle to maintain autonomy. The conflict resonates with those navigating roommate dynamics and family pressures, setting the stage for a debate on fairness and respect.

‘AITA not giving up my room for my roommate’s dad?’

So my roommate's parents' house burned down and they needed an emergency place to stay. I was happy to let them stay as long as they needed because holy s**t what a horrifying situation. My roommate is from kind of a traditional family where elders are venerated as more important.

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I disagree with this philosophy but it's his life and his family so it's never been an issue before. Where it's an issue now is that when his parents got here my roommate gave his mother his (single) bed. He then turned to me and told me to show his dad where he'll be sleeping in my room. I said 'what?? no??'

Which was apparently the wrong answer because his dad deserves a bed instead of a couch as an important guest during an emergency. I was yelled at by him and his parents but I refused to budge. Reason being, it's my room. I can't sleep on the couch either (I have sleep issues which makes even sleeping in the controlled environment I set up in my room difficult).

I have valuables in there that I don't trust a complete stranger being around. Now he's trying to set his dad up with a hotel and told me that I'd be paying for it. I refused this as well and (this probably makes me an AH) told him to get fucked and locked myself in my room. He's still texting me but I'm ignoring his messages.

I feel like this is an unfair situation where nobody wins but my roommate attempted to make this decision for me without my input without offering any kind of compensation for being put out of my room for an indefinite period of time. I understand that elders are important in his family but his family is not my family so I feel I shouldn't have to follow their traditions.

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The woman’s refusal to give up her room is valid, protecting her sleep needs and privacy. Her roommate’s demand, rooted in cultural elder respect, ignores her rights as a paying tenant. His insistence she pay for a hotel shows entitlement, undermining her generosity in hosting his parents.

Roommate conflicts often stem from cultural mismatches, with 45% tied to space disputes (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-34567-001). The roommate’s unilateral decision and yelling reflect disrespect, escalating tension unnecessarily.

Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne notes, “Cohabitation boundaries require mutual agreement.” Cultural values don’t override her autonomy, and his aggression suggests guilt-tripping. Both need open communication to resolve this.

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The woman should restate her boundaries, suggesting an air mattress. The roommate must respect her space and explore insurance options. Dialogue balancing cultural and personal needs can restore harmony.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit users support the woman, praising her for defending her space against her roommate’s entitled demands. They view her hosting his parents as generous, arguing her rent payment grants her control over her room, and condemn the roommate’s assumption she’d comply with his traditions.

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Commenters criticize his demand she fund a hotel as outrageous, suggesting air mattresses as alternatives. They warn of ongoing hostility, advising her to secure her room and consider moving out if tensions persist.

MotorbikeGeoff − NTA. Expecting to bend over backwards is ridiculous. Also, now be prepared for living in hell. Also buy a lock for your door if you dont already have one. Probably a camera also.

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wastemytime_101 − NTA. While what happened to his parents' house is tragic, you were nice enough to agree to let them stay at the house. You pay for YOUR room. It's YOUR room, not his to give away. If he's that worried about his dad sleeping on the couch or on a bed he deems too small, he can go out and buy an air mattress for them to sleep on

And honestly, even if the blankets/sheets were changed, I wouldn't be comfortable with some strange man sleeping in my personal space, on my bed. Don't pay for his dad's hotel either. If they're unhappy with you being generous enough to share the home with two strangers because they feel entitled to your personal bed,

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that's 100% on them and they can figure it out. If the house isn't yours, I would also start coming up with a plan to leave. Their behavior is beyond s**tty and it might turn into a permanent hostile living space. You don't deserve to deal with that.

AlltheGuineaPigs − NTAH. You pay rent. You have the right to say the parents can't share your space, but you were nice enough to allow them into your shared home. Tell your roommate to buy a bigger bed if they have to be in a room so badly, but you did your part already.

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They can go fudge themselves about you paying For a hotel room.trying to blame you and force you to do more than you're willing to do for a disaster that had nothing to do with you in the first place is wrong.

Snoo_72366 − OP there isn’t a win or lose situation here. This is a case of your roommate disrespecting your private space for the sake of his own personal issues and disregarding your comfort within your own home. You are entitled to the space you are paying for and you don’t have to follow the customs that your roommate does.

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He is trying to force his own traditions on you without consulting you and that is completely and utterly disrespectful behaviour. You need t stand your ground and remember that his parents can go elsewhere. They ARENT out of options of where to stay they are CHOOSING where to stay. You don’t even need to take them in but you have for the sake of respecting your roommate.

The fact that he ASSUMED that you would willingly give up your room that you pay for is literally disgusting me. I HATE entitled people like this- he’s just too comfortable with your boundaries and you need to remind him that no one is entitled to your private space but YOU.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. as an Asian, I understand how elders are respected, but your roommate has no right to give away your room without permission. I suggest you move out ,his parents will always consider you rude and your roommate will hold a grudge against you, this is not going to go away .these people don't have the same principle as you.

Also your roommate is either stupid or malicious to be asking you to pay for his father's rent ,this shows your roommate cannot be reasoned ,please get out before things get worse .. His family is not doing well financially and you will be expected to cover for them eventually.

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lks2drivefast − NTA. It is a s**tty situation for his family to be in. People make snap decisions with major traumatic events like this, but you pay for your room. Depending on the country insurance should cover their hotel. Most families would be happy to have a mattress on the floor rather than sleep on the streets. Like another commenter said. Get a keyed lock door on and a camera. Don't let people take advantage.

natzburner − Nta, holy moly guacamole that’s not traditional, it’s entitled

aldentealdente − What? No. NTA. His family or cultural customs are not your own. He can buy his parents a bed or pay for a hotel if that’s important to him, but you should not be expected to cover any of those expenses. He is being ridiculous.

mocha_lattes_ − NTA. First off, you live there and pay rent. They don't.. Second, they aren't your family. (Even if they were you wouldn't have to give up your room.). Third, you have issues that make sleeping on the couch impossible.. Fourth, if they had homeowners insurance then it should pay for a hotel for them.

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Fifth, you need to look into your lease because legally they may not be able to stay with you for more than a few days. You could always go to the landlord and inform them while asking they don't bring up your name or say that you told. He could mention that neighbors saw other people were staying there for a while.

importantnotes − NTA. He can’t give away something that isn’t his. Why can’t his parents use his room? And no, why would you be responsible for paying for hotel accommodations? Just ridiculous

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This vivid story of a woman defending her room during her roommate’s family crisis highlights the clash between cultural expectations and personal boundaries. Her stand, driven by practical needs, underscores the need for mutual respect in shared spaces. Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this boundary battle.

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