AITA: my daughter complained behind my back to my son that I “refused” to take her to therapy for 2 years?

In a quiet suburban home, a mother’s heart sank as her son revealed a painful family secret. His sister, now 30, had confided in him about a lingering resentment: for two years, their parents dismissed her pleas for therapy, believing her cries for help were mere lies. The air grows heavy with unspoken regrets, as a childhood marked by anxious rituals resurfaces. Readers can’t help but wonder—how does a parent’s doubt shape a child’s struggle? This tale of family tension invites us to explore trust, mental health, and the weight of past decisions.

The story unfolds with a mother grappling with her daughter’s accusations, shared behind her back. As the Reddit community weighs in, the debate ignites: was the mother negligent, or was her skepticism justified? With vivid emotions and a touch of family drama, this narrative pulls readers into a world where good intentions clash with painful misunderstandings, setting the stage for a deeper look at a daughter’s hidden pain.

‘AITA: my daughter complained behind my back to my son that I “refused” to take her to therapy for 2 years?’

My (f57) son (m28) recently approached me upset about something his sister (f30) told him about the past that she is apparently still resentful of (although she has never spoken to me about it). My daughter has always been anxious and from a young age (5ish) did a lot of weird rituals to make herself feel better.

These rituals often required my husband and I to participate and we generally went along with it to make her happy. In middle school she stopped this habit but developed a new one where she would lie frequently to me and my husband.

At one point she was almost a month behind in school and when her teacher reached out we were blindsided because she’d been deceiving us that everything was fine (she would also lie about things like who she was with or having a bf and was very secretive).

When she was in grade 7 I saw on our computer browser that she’d been googling ocd. I questioned her about it and she said she thought she had it and wanted to go to the doctor, using her childhood habits as proof. I felt that she was lying again to excuse her school performance and we told her ‘no.

She intermittently argued about it with us for 2 years. At that point I discovered by reading her journal she’d also gone behind our backs to the guidance counsellor at school and told the woman we wouldn’t help her. I grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor.

She has more or lesss been in treatment since then. My son recently asked me if I really “denied her medical treatment”. To me she is making it sound like I was negligent when really she was a liar and that’s why we didn’t take her initiallly. We have paid for specialists and supported her for years and I think she is putting all the blame on me/making me look bad to my son nand not taking responsibility.

I am upset with her sneaky behaviour and want to confront her but my husband said to leave it. My daughter had a wonderful childhood and I hate that she is complaining about the past behind my back— we did our best and we did help her. She has never mentioned anything to me about still being resentful.

Navigating a child’s mental health concerns can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when trust wavers. The mother’s hesitation to believe her daughter’s OCD concerns reflects a common parental struggle: distinguishing typical behavior from a cry for help. Her decision to ground her daughter for seeking a counselor’s support, however, raises red flags. The daughter’s rituals and secretive behavior were classic signs of anxiety, yet the mother’s lens of distrust delayed critical intervention.

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This situation mirrors a broader issue: mental health stigma within families. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 1 in 5 adults experience mental illness annually, yet many face barriers to care, including family skepticism (nami.org). The mother’s eventual decision to seek treatment was a step forward, but the two-year delay likely deepened her daughter’s distress.

Dr. John Walkup, a child psychiatrist, notes, “Early intervention in OCD is critical to prevent long-term emotional and functional impairment” (psychiatrictimes.com). Here, the daughter’s persistence in seeking help, despite punishment, underscores her need. Dr. Walkup’s insight suggests that validating her concerns early could have eased her suffering and fostered trust.

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For parents in similar situations, experts recommend open communication and professional evaluation over dismissal. If a child raises mental health concerns, consulting a therapist or doctor can clarify the situation without judgment. Building trust, rather than assuming deception, creates a safer space for kids to share.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, and their hot takes are as candid as a family reunion gone wrong. Here’s what the community had to say:

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[Reddit User] − YTA. The guidance counselor bit sold me in particular—you literally did refuse to take her to the doctor, like she said, and then grounded her for lying? She told the truth. Until a few months later, by your account, you did refuse to take her.

And by the fact that she stayed in treatment after that, it sounds like she was right—not that that matters to whether or not you’re an ass hole. She was sneaky because you refused to help. You failed your daughter and yes, you’re an ass hole.

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0biterdicta − YTA. She's been showing anxious behavior and lying since she was 5 and you never thought to get her medical care until she was in the 9th grade. How is she supposed to be open and talk to you when you accuse her of lying, read her personal diary and punish her for what you read when YOU snooped. You failed as a parent and you're blaming your daughter because you don't want to admit it.

stannenb − At that point I discovered by reading her journal. There are many reasons YTA, this is but one.. I am upset with her sneaky behaviour. And this is another. Talking to her brother is not 'sneaky behavior.' Reading her journal ,however, is.

Winter_Performer_392 − YTA. She told you what was up and you decided to disregard her. Did you do any research? Her behaviors are textbook examples of these diagnoses. She was a kid, and you didn't get her the treatment she needed. As someone with anxiety, do you know how uncomfortable it is?

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Do you think she wanted to do all those self soothing rituals? You look bad because you decided your anger was more valid than your daughter's mental health. If you look bad then oh well, you look bad. Instead of once again starting a fight that you will be in the wrong about, how about trying to do better?

Transquisitor − She asked for mental health help because she believed she had OCD, had been DOING RESEARCH, and you punished her. She went to other resources and when you found out you punished her and lied about refusing to take her you quite literally DID. Living with untreated anxiety for years is a literal hell, coming from experience. She had literal signs as a child that something was up (the rituals) and considering she stayed in treatment?. Yeah, YTA.

czechtheboxes − I grounded her for lying again but a few months later we did take her to the doctor. She has more or lesss been in treatment since then. She asked for help and you said no. She reached out to someone who would actually listen to her and help her and you grounded her for lying.

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Lying about what exactly? She reached out for someone, anyone because mom and dad think that if their daughter would just sit quietly and not speak, things would be fine. You always looked at anything she said with distrust, so why should she trust you. For 2 years she talked about it. She never lied about that, you just wouldn't listen.

She was 13, reaching out for help and you said no, you're just a dirty liar and we aren't gonna help you. You gave up on your child instead of being a parent. The fact she has seen many specialists and gotten treatments over the years means your daughter was right all along. YTA and you're the liar here trying to rewrite history. You look bad because you were bad.

Puzzleheaded-Ad-1027 − YTA. Can someone explain it to me like I’m 5 now talking to her brother made her sneaky I’m just so confused, can’t wrap my head around it at all, OP you seem far sneakier than your daughter.

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MauiValleyGirl − “A few months later we did take her to the doctor for treatment.” She has been attending this treatment since then. You still think she was lying about needing help? You need therapy as well - for being in denial about why you had to let it get to the point of her seeking help through a guidance counselor.

Jason_Wolfe − YTA and frankly, if it wasn't for the rule about being civil, i'd have ***several*** very colorful things to say to you. your daughter made an effort to get herself help and you denied her that for TWO YEARS.

frankensteinleftme − she is apparently still resentful of (although she has never spoken to me about it).. She intermittently argued about it with us for 2 years.. Which is it, OP.

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These fiery Reddit opinions highlight a divide: some see the mother’s actions as neglectful, while others might argue she acted on her best judgment at the time. But do these virtual verdicts capture the full complexity of family dynamics?

This story leaves us pondering the delicate balance of trust and doubt in parenting. The mother’s intentions may have been rooted in love, but her delay in addressing her daughter’s needs left lasting scars. It’s a reminder that listening—truly listening—can change a child’s path. What would you do if faced with a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—have you ever struggled to bridge a gap like this in your family?

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