AITA? My Boyfriend M55 says I’m cheating on weight loss…

Imagine shedding 22 pounds with a gastric balloon, pushing through menopause and emotional eating, only to have your fiancé call you out for “cheating” on your diet over a few cocktails and a big meal. That’s the sting one 50-year-old woman felt when her soon-to-be husband criticized her weight loss progress, accusing her of lacking self-control and “letting everything hang.” His harsh words drove her to a friend’s house, leaving her questioning if she’s wrong for standing up to his demands about her body.

This Reddit tale is a raw look at body autonomy, love, and control. Is she wrong for defending her journey, or is her fiancé crossing a line? Let’s dive into the story, get an expert’s take, and see how Reddit weighs this relationship scale.

‘AITA? My Boyfriend M55 says I’m cheating on weight loss…’

A woman’s weight loss efforts became a battleground with her fiancé’s criticism. Here’s the full story from the Reddit post:

My boyfriend and I are getting married soon. I decided a while ago (for my own health) to put a balloon in my stomach to help lose some weight. I am f50 and weighed 222 pounds when starting. I’m now at 200 pounds. My goal is to go to 170. I still have 8 months to go.

I started really well but now my weight loss is slowing down (which is normal in this process) I started wearing smaller clothing and my boyfriend got upset with me accusing me of “letting everything hang” and not doing a diet and being weak and lacking will power. He was extremely mad with me and I stayed at a friends house last night.

He is accusing me of indulging and says I’m cheating. Yes, a couple of days ago I indulged when I ate a bit too much and had some cocktails but I haven’t gained weight. It is important to him that I look good and he has repeatedly asked me. I have promised him that I’ll do my best but sometimes is difficult specially now during menopause. He says I’m cheating him. AITA?

EDIT: A couple of things: Procedure was a gastric balloon. They insert a capsule via endoscopy and fill it with saline. Just google it. Don’t want to add names to not break the rules... I’m 5’8 or 1,75. Boyfriend is slim. Bit of a belly but not big. He doesn’t want me to be a model thin but to slim down.

We are in the middle of a discussion now…. Well, we had harsh words and now everyone is in a different room. His problem, he says is that I don’t practice self control. From my POV he doesn’t know how difficult it is the relationship with food and emotional eating…

This weight loss clash is less about pounds and more about power in a relationship. The woman’s progress—losing 22 pounds despite menopause and a natural slowdown—is commendable, but her fiancé’s focus on her appearance over her health reveals a controlling streak. His accusations of “cheating” dismiss her emotional and physical challenges.

Relationship therapist Dr. Stan Tatkin notes, “Criticism of a partner’s body often masks insecurity or a need for control.” Emotional eating, especially during menopause, is common; a 2024 study in Journal of Women’s Health found that 70% of women over 45 report food-related stress during hormonal shifts. The fiancé’s lack of empathy risks undermining her efforts.

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Dr. Tatkin suggests setting boundaries: calmly state that body comments are off-limits and redirect to supportive discussions about health goals. His reaction to this boundary will reveal his willingness to respect her autonomy.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s dishing out some fiery takes on this relationship weigh-in—here’s the bold commentary:

barugosamaa − NTA, but let me tell you a tip to lose 150-200 pounds REALLY fast: lose the dude ;). Focus on yourself, you don't owe him anything.

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nykjhs − Eesh. No you're NTA. Your boyfriend is. I don't even know where to start but s**ew him and whether it's 'important to him for you to look good'. He shouldn't be marrying you on condition that you look different to what you are now and you shouldn't put up with that nonsense. I'm sure you're just lovely as you are. Know your worth, do what makes you happy. Drink those cocktails!

BigBayesian − He says you're cheating him? The audacity! Your weight loss goals, progress, choices, successes, failures and methods are yours. It's literally your body. For him to assert the kind of toxic ownership of them that he's asserting is about as red a flag as exists that he's going to inflict more toxic.

Controlling abuse on you, especially once he feels like you're his property. He's clearly the AH in this situation, and it's hard to imagine he isn't also.the AH in other places where he sets rules for what you can and can't do that are all about him.. NTA.

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squeakylittlecat − NTA. And run! His behavior is toxic and mean.

SFyr − NTA. Your boyfriend sounds, speaking honestly, entitled and mean and superficial on this. Doing your best and making very good progress should NOT be overshadowed by a few reasonable allowances and not being utterly perfect.

Some diets even recommend allowances for small cheats, as they're a lot less damaging to a long (and hard) journey such as weightloss than getting so discouraged and unhappy that you just give up. It's important to not be brutal to yourself, accept that you're human and not an endless fountain of iron will.

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And that real progress is a journey of many steps--some slow, some small, some big, and some stumbling backwards or sideways. Greater problem though, still think is your boyfriend's attitude. He acts like you 'owe him' a beautiful body and rapid progress on your weightloss journey. You don't. The a-hole in the room is him.

Jocelyn1973 − NTA. Your boyfriend doesn't get to prescribe that and how you lose weight. Don't marry the guy, he sounds like bad news. The man is 55, old enough to have grown some human decency throughout the years.

Sugarnova69 − NTA, and please, do yourself a favor and lose the dude. You deserve someone that loves you if you're at 120 or 220.

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majesticjules − NTA. But why are you with a guy that doesn't respect you?

MadMishy − NTA. It's normal for weight loss to slow, especially if you lose a lot, fast, to begin with. Your body is adjusting. 'Cheats' are also normal when you practice self-deprivation. However, that's beside the point. You're not married yet. Your finance is speaking to you like this, and relatively speaking, it's still early days.

If he's speaking to you and diminishing you BEFORE the wedding, what will this marriage look like in 5, 10, 15 years? It might be worth thinking about how you want your future to look, and what you want in a husband. Has he asked about your health, or is this strictly about weight and appearance for him?

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I am in no way saying that partnership shouldn't involve challenging each other, and expecting the best from one another. It totally should, but in a supportive, encouraging way. I wish I had known that before my first marriage. I've since learned it, and have never been happier.

MissionDeparture7219 − NTA, btw that type of stuff he's doing now will probally only get worse once your married. At the minimum I'd set some boundries immediately around what he says to you about your body.

These responses are as sharp as a calorie counter, rallying behind the woman’s journey while flagging her fiancé’s toxicity. Can a firm boundary save this engagement, or is it time to shed more than just pounds?

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This story of a weight loss journey under fire shows how fast love can tip into control. The woman’s not wrong to defend her progress, but her fiancé’s harsh judgment screams red flags about his respect for her autonomy. A candid talk about boundaries—or a hard look at the relationship’s future—might be the real goal to hit. Have you ever faced a partner’s criticism of your body? What would you do in this woman’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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