AITA mom said I’m useless so I stopped helping?

What happens when a mother’s harsh words push her daughter to stop helping the family? A 20-year-old university student faced this exact situation. Living at home with her single mother and five siblings, she juggled chores, school runs, and cooking without support. One night, after a long day at university, her mother called her “useless” for missing chores. Frustrated, she stopped helping entirely. The house fell into chaos. Was she wrong to stand her ground? This story explores family dynamics and unappreciated efforts.

The young woman’s decision sparked tension. Her siblings missed school, and the house became a mess. Her mother and siblings grew angry, but she felt justified. Social media users weighed in, debating whether her response was fair or went too far. The situation raises questions about responsibility, gratitude, and fairness in families.

‘AITA mom said I’m useless so I stopped helping?’

Her daily routine was packed with household responsibilities alongside university.

I (F20) live at home with my single mother and 5 siblings while I finish university. I’ll call them A (M23), B (M22), C (M17), D (F15) and E (M12).

Almost everyday, I wash the dishes, load and unload the dishwasher, vacuum the common areas, drive my younger siblings to and back from school, and cook dinner while also attending...

A confrontation with her mother changed everything.

Last week on Wednesday, I came home late (around 9PM) from uni as I was talking to my teacher after the lecture (my class ended at 7:30PM).

Once I got home my mom started yelling at me because I wasn’t able to cook dinner, there was dirty dishes in the sink, and my brother A had to...

I was upset by this but she then said “you’re useless. You don’t help out at all” And I got pissed. I replied back, “sorry for being useless” and went...

She decided to stop helping, leading to chaos at home.

The following day I didn’t drop my siblings off to school which forced my mom to have to do it. I didn’t make dinner either and I stayed at uni...

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I continued to do this and the house is now a mess and my younger siblings have missed a few days of school. My mom and my other siblings are...

Additional context clarified her family’s dynamics and her contributions.

Edit: I had to leave some stuff out due to character limits. Apologies for weird formatting, on mobile. -My family is from a foreign background so my mom’s beliefs are...

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Rent is due fortnightly so I wouldn’t be able to afford moving out. -I don’t have a job but due to a small allowance I get from government (for studies)...

I didn’t include every single chore I do but laundry is one chore everyone does themselves because they all wash their own clothes (F15 helps M12 out with his). I...

I clean the bathrooms sporadically (my brothers literally pee on the floor and don’t wipe it up). I encourage my little siblings to clean their room but ultimately I end...

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My older brothers are both employed but don’t help around the house at all. They play video games when they’re not working.. -My mother does not help me with my...

The young woman carried a heavy load for her family. She managed chores and school runs while studying at university. Her mother’s harsh words, calling her “useless,” triggered a breaking point. Stopping her help was a reaction to feeling unappreciated. This situation highlights the strain of unequal family responsibilities.

Her mother’s traditional beliefs may explain her expectations. In many cultures, daughters often face pressure to handle domestic tasks. This can create unfair burdens, especially for young women pursuing education. The woman’s older brothers, despite being employed, contribute little. This imbalance fuels resentment.

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Family dynamics often rely on unspoken roles. “Family is a system, and when one person changes their role, the whole system feels it,” says Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert, The Gottman Institute, 2019. Her withdrawal disrupted the household. Her mother and siblings noticed her absence acutely.

The siblings’ anger shows their reliance on her. Yet, their lack of help reveals entitlement. The mother’s outburst may stem from stress as a single parent. Still, dismissing her daughter’s efforts was unfair. Open communication could have prevented escalation.

To move forward, the family needs clear expectations. The woman could propose a chore schedule, involving all siblings. This shares the load fairly. She should also prioritize her studies, setting boundaries to protect her time. This situation raises questions about fairness in families. How do we balance personal goals with family duties? The answer lies in mutual respect and shared responsibility.

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Check out how the community responded:

Social media users had strong reactions to the woman’s story. Many supported her decision to stop helping, while others shared similar experiences. The community largely felt her family took her for granted.

Most users backed her, criticizing her family’s lack of support.

[Reddit User] − NTA at all. You’re doing exactly what you should be doing. What, do they just expect you to never move out and live your own life? Heaven...

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Edit-apparently she’s got a single mom that I overlooked but OP is not the dad and has to focus on school and becoming her own adult and didn’t choose to...

Sebscreen − NTA. Your mother has failed you in every way. How about she actually parent HER children? At least 4 of your siblings are also capable of doing household...

jeepmandanSC − Hahahaha, LOL! !! Perfect! You are NTA. Your mother is the AH, and a huge one at that. Let her teach your sib’s to do the housework.

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Keep up your studies and keep staying at the library until 2100 daily. Finish school, get a great job and get the hell out of there and live your best...

diminishingpatience − NTA. You need to get out of there if you can.

Odd_Yogurtcloset2891 − NTA - Sometimes you have to show people how much you do by not doing it anymore. Now they can see just how much you do to help...

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Traditional-Trade795 − NTA - your ungreatful mom fucked around and is now in the process of finding out. tell her you think about resuming work once she apologizes and realizes...

Some users highlighted gender dynamics and warned about future burdens.

BluebirdAny3077 − NTA and what, because you're female YOU have to do everything because your older brothers don't have boobs telling them how to be useful? !?

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Tell the rest of them to get off their butts and hopefully they don't expect the 15 year old to do it because she's the next one with boobs. Insanely...

OrangeCrush813 − NTA get out as soon as possible and warn D as the only other female they will try this crap with her too

One user shared a relatable story, emphasizing parental expectations.

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paristorc − NTA, I went through something similar except I wasn’t gonna take it, I have divorced parents and one older brother who lives at fathers house, I go between,...

My dad’s reasonings behind only asking me to do things was A. “You do it properly/your brother doesn’t know how” and/or B. “He works full time”, which keep in mind...

but I was at school 9-3:30, had a part time job, was on a dance competition team and had to do homework… Just hoping you find something to relate to...

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This story shows the weight of unappreciated family responsibilities. The young woman’s efforts went unnoticed until she stopped helping. Her mother’s harsh words revealed a lack of gratitude. The family’s reaction shows how much they relied on her. It also highlights unfair gender expectations, especially with her brothers’ lack of contribution.

The lesson is clear: families must share responsibilities fairly. Have you ever felt taken for granted at home? How would you handle a family that expects too much?

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One Comment

  1. You have my sympathy and you have been carrying an unfair load of responsibility. Your Mom sounds overwhelmed and she can’t see that has forced you into a “co-parenting” role. Your siblings enjoy their leisure time and will fight against any change, but I suspect change is coming. Unfortunately, it’s up to your parent to assign your older siblings more tasks. Perhaps your refusal to cooperate will be a ‘wake-up call’ for change. In families, things aren’t equal, but they should be made equatable.

    Take heart! You have gained skills, knowledge and know how to work hard! So much in your future will be settling goals and working hard for what you want. The education will help you get there, so don’t give that up for anything.

    When I was raising my kids, we had a job list, that changed every few weeks. All the tasks were signed up for, with the youngest choosing first, and continuing around until all the jobs were taken. The hardest jobs were taken by the adults, of course, but everyone had to help keep the household going. And everyone knew they had contributed. We did a similar list for weekly house cleaning, but as Mom, I assigned the tasks. Everyone hated to house clean on the weekend.

    Soon you will be out on your own, happily single, hopefully building a career for yourself. You have had a “crash course’ on how hard it is to raise children, how some guys refuse to help out, and how important it is to budget the money you bring in. Your childhood may have been tougher than typical, but I guarantee that when you graduate and move out you will be an awesome achiever. And when someone tries to take advantage, you’ll listen to your gut and say,”No, I’m not doing that.”