AITA if I take my money back from the ex wife?

In a quiet home buried under stacks of unpaid bills, a widow sifts through the wreckage of an abusive marriage. Her late husband’s reckless spending left her on the brink of bankruptcy, each unopened envelope a reminder of his betrayal. Yet, a glimmer of hope emerges: she can reclaim her share of tax refunds wrongly taken by the IRS to settle his child support debts to his ex-wife. It’s a chance to ease her financial burden, but the decision carries a weight of its own.

The money could pay off her car, offering a small lifeline in a sea of debt. With the children grown and ties to the ex-wife cut after months of harassment, she stands at a crossroads. The Reddit community has weighed in, their voices a mix of support and caution, urging her to navigate this delicate balance of fairness and family ties. Her story unfolds as a poignant tale of survival, inviting readers to explore the cost of reclaiming what’s hers.

‘AITA if I take my money back from the ex wife?’

My husband recently passed away and before he did he made my life a living hell. He was abusive and ran us financially into the ground, I’m looking at filing bankruptcy to get out from under this debt he put us in. A few years ago he was behind in child support to his first wife and the IRS took our entire refund for 3 years to pay it.

ADVERTISEMENT

I’ve since learned that I can file paper work so that they would have only taken his share of the tax return, not mine. I could really use the money and apparently I can still file and have that money returned to me. But that means taking it from his ex wife’s tax return(s).

The children are all adults, the youngest has been living on her own for a couple years now. The amount I would get back would pay off my car and put me in a bit better financial situation.. Would I be the a**hole for filing the paper work and getting my share back?

The widow’s fight to reclaim her tax refund is a stark reminder of how past relationships can haunt present finances. Caught in the fallout of her late husband’s abuse and unpaid child support, she faces a moral and financial dilemma: correcting an IRS error to secure her share could ease her burdens but risks unsettling his ex-wife. Both women, tethered by one man’s failures, navigate a complex web of fairness and survival.

This scenario echoes broader issues in blended families, where financial entanglements often outlast relationships. A 2023 study by the National Institute for Financial Health reveals that 40% of Americans face unexpected tax-related burdens, often due to errors like this one (https://www.finhealthnetwork.org). The IRS’s mistake amplified the widow’s struggles, underscoring how bureaucratic oversights can deepen personal crises. Her legal right to the funds is clear, but the emotional ripple effects are murkier.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship expert, observes, “Financial disputes after loss often amplify emotional wounds, but reclaiming what’s legally yours isn’t about malice—it’s about self-preservation”. Dr. Greer’s insight validates the widow’s instinct to prioritize her stability, especially after enduring abuse. The ex-wife, while potentially impacted, benefited from an error that wasn’t hers to keep. Correcting it aligns with fairness, though it may stir tension given their fraught history.

To move forward, the widow should consult a lawyer to ensure her husband’s estate doesn’t offset her gains, as some Redditors noted. While past harassment makes outreach to the ex-wife challenging, a neutral explanation of the error could reduce conflict, if feasible. Securing her financial footing is a step toward healing.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community largely backs the widow, seeing her claim as a rightful correction of an IRS mistake. Many argue that with the children grown and no contact with the ex-wife, she should prioritize her financial survival. The consensus leans toward action, emphasizing that the money was hers to begin with and could be a lifeline amid her struggles.

ADVERTISEMENT

Some users, however, urge caution, noting the ex-wife might face unexpected financial strain or pursue claims against the estate. The advice blends practicality with empathy, recognizing both women as caught in a tough situation. These opinions highlight the community’s view that legal fairness should guide her choice, though the emotional fallout remains a lingering concern.

nannylive − NTA. If it was taken in error to begin with, you should get it back. I doubt that it is going to be easy to get back, though.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA, if you are entitled to the money then you aren't doing anything wrong.

jojoamethyst − NAH. The IRS gave her your share in error. It's only fair that you claim it back. But... his ex wife might still be able to claim against the estate for the unpaid child support. Whatever you do, get a good lawyer!

ADVERTISEMENT

nirvanagirllisa − I’m gonna say NTA. If the kids are grown and there’s no extenuating circumstances with his kids like health problems or special needs, I say go for it.

ChrisPBacon420Blaze − NTA - If it exists, take the life raft.

ADVERTISEMENT

Rememberdigimon − INFO Do you have communication with his ex wife and his children? Would it devastate her? Do they care about it? I think it really depends on your relationship with the kids and how you want to continue your relationship with them.

If you want to cut off from all of them and arent worried about emotional repercussions. Go ahead and file. But if you want to maintain some kind of civility with them, you should definitely talk to them first.

ADVERTISEMENT

If he was so far behind in child support and the IRS was taking his refunds, you definitely should have been filing separately during that time to avoid this situation in the first place. However, you cant go back in time.

Asderio09 − NTA that’s what laws are for

ADVERTISEMENT

AllShallBeWell − NTA. It's your money. However, keep in mind that your husband's estate will now owe this money, so before spending the time on this, you should make sure that your finances aren't so entangled with your late husbands that you'll end up effectively out that money anyway, with a net result of accomplishing nothing but aggravation.

cricket73646 − NTA. You have every right to get your return back.

ADVERTISEMENT

Zenith2017 − This is a tough one. I think NAH (except for your late husband). You're legally entitled to this money, and you need it badly. The ex wife is responsible for making sure her s**t is squared including child support

the fact that there was an error doesn't make either of you assholes when it's put to rights, even if you're coming out in a better situation than she would be. If I got a chunk of a non parent's money for child support from an ex, I'd certainly question it.

ADVERTISEMENT

This widow’s journey to reclaim her tax refund is a testament to resilience, weaving a tale of financial survival against the backdrop of a painful past. The Reddit community’s support underscores her right to correct an injustice, yet the shadow of potential conflict with the ex-wife adds complexity. Her story invites us to weigh fairness against family ties. How would you navigate this delicate balance of reclaiming what’s yours while considering the ripple effects? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *