AITA if I stop attending functions with my husband’s family because I get ignored?

Seven years into marriage, a woman in her 30s is done chasing approval from her husband’s sister, who’s ignored her since day one—dodging hellos, sitting far away, and treating her like a maid. Despite babysitting, lending cars, and playing nice, she’s met with silence, leaving her drained at every family gathering. Now, she wants to skip most events, sparking tension with her husband, who craves time with his family. This Reddit drama has everyone debating boundaries and belonging.

It’s a stingingly familiar tale for anyone who’s felt invisible in a family they’ve tried to join. Was she wrong to pull back, or is her sister-in-law’s coldness too much to bear? Readers are hooked on this clash of loyalty, self-respect, and the ache of exclusion.

‘AITA if I stop attending functions with my husband’s family because I get ignored?’

I have been with my husband for 7 years. We are in our early 30s. When I first met him, he lived in his sister’s guest house (she’s 2 years older than him) and he invited me over. Right away, I could tell she didn’t like me. She didn’t say hello, went out of her way to avoid me, didn’t answer me or look at me, etc.

I was kind of stumped because I knew I couldn’t have done something to her that quickly, even by mistake, but he later said that she really liked his ex and she would “get over it.” He also told me that other girlfriends have had an issue with her unless they really suck up and make her like them.

Now, I’ve definitely tried to do that. We have watched her cat constantly, babysat for her and her husband 15+ times, let them borrow our car, invited them on vacation with us, etc. I do my best to ask her about her work, her life, her daughters, when we’re around them.

The thing is it has never worked. I feel like I’m taken advantage of (I’m literally treated like a maid at her house by other relatives which she just avoids me) and I’m tired to going to functions. Even if it’s a small group, she will take her dinner and sit elsewhere, sit at the furthest spot away from me at a restaurant, or run off and find something to be busy with if she’s near me.

She now says hello and sometimes goodbye and that’s it. I know that it’s not technically hurting me, but I’m tired of being treated like I don’t exist. We see them maybe 6 times a year (when it’s not a pandemic) and 2 of those times are with other family members.

I told my husband I’m fine with going to 1-2 functions a year when his out of state family comes, even if it’s at their house, so that we can visit with them, but I don’t want to go to anything else where it’s just us, even if it’s for their kid’s dance recital or something.

I want him to see the kids but I just can’t do the emotional turmoil of hoping it goes differently then being ignored the whole time. I leave feeling like I don’t exist. My husband was upset because they won’t come to our house so that’s the only way he can see them.

He said he does a lot with my family (and we do see them very often but they all get along great and are polite to him). He asked me to reconsider. I just feel like I’m actively getting hurt every time I’m so blatantly ignored for 6+ hours. Literally only my husband speaks to me. AITA for refusing to go unless it’s a big family gathering?

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Edited to add: my husband did talk to her many years ago and asked her why she ignored me. She said she was just shy (though she’s fine talking to other people, even friends who family members bring) and said she would try harder but never did. He distanced himself from her since then too (he used to see them a few times a month) but still would like to see them every few months or so.

Feeling like a ghost at family gatherings isn’t just awkward—it’s a wound that festers. This woman’s sister-in-law has stonewalled her for seven years, offering only bare-minimum greetings while exploiting her kindness with favors. Her decision to skip most events protects her emotional health, but it strains her husband’s ties to his family, who won’t visit their home. The husband’s past attempt to address his sister’s behavior fell flat, and his plea for her to keep attending overlooks her pain.

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In-law dynamics often test marriages. A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 65% of couples face stress from in-law exclusion, with persistent rejection harming mental health. The sister-in-law’s “shyness” excuse doesn’t hold up against her warmth toward others, suggesting personal bias, possibly tied to her husband’s ex.

Relationship expert Dr. Susan Forward advises, “Spouses must prioritize their partner’s well-being over family loyalty.” The husband could set firmer boundaries, like attending alone or insisting on mutual respect. The woman might attend select events with low expectations, focusing on other relatives. Solutions include a joint discussion with the sister-in-law or limiting contact to neutral settings.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s takes are as chilly as the sister-in-law’s vibe—let’s dive in!

Fleegle2212 - NTA. After 7 years, it's reasonable to assume that your in-laws' behaviour, while extremely insensitive, is not going to change.

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RollingKatamari - NTA this has gone on long enough. Either your husband demands some change from his family or you stay away. You do not deserve this treatment.

pauli9912 - NTA. Your husband can go visit his sister alone if he wants to see them. I really don’t see a problem there. From experience I can tell that there are some people who just don’t like you and if you already tried and nothing helped than it’s time to let go and avoid the situations that make you uncomfortable.

greenbean999 - NTA but why isn’t a conversation an option? Why isn’t your husband sorting out his family and how they treat you?

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the-mirrors-truth - NTA. Though you don't have a SIL problem, you have a husband issue. He's apparently fine with letting you be treated like a maid and expects you to suck it up. Visiting with your family isn't comparable because they include him.

geekygirl81 - NTA but your husband is, its awful to be ignored at functions as its happened to me with my hubby's family so now I don't go. They have never bothered with our son and don't come round our house and the dad lives 3 minutes walk away 🙄.

Now my husband stood by me and told them if I'm not welcomed then he's not they tried to say I was lying but he watched them the last time we were out for my fil bday. Stay away from toxic people.

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Thediciplematt - NTA.. Why hasn’t your husband stepped in and addressed this directly with your sister? My wife has gone to bat for me when my SIL is acting up. That’s what married people do for each other...

Wikidess - NTA but maybe, for your husband who I'm sure you love, you can try but with some changes. He also told me that other girlfriends have had an issue with her unless they really suck up and make her like them.

Now, I’ve definitely tried to do that. We have watched her cat constantly, babysat for her and her husband 15+ times, let them borrow our car, invited them on vacation with us, etc. I do my best to ask her about her work, her life, her daughters, when we’re around them.

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First order of business would be to STOP this s**t. Stop trying to suck up to her, stop trying to curry favor. You complain about being treated like the maid - I feel like that's partially on you, in your attempts to make this woman like you.

Second - there's a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, now I know this doesn't involve your parent, but there's a whole section about how to deal with emotionally immature people. And a big take away is that you need to manage your expectations, which is something I think might help you here.

I just can’t do the emotional turmoil of hoping it goes differently then being ignored the whole time. Stop expecting it to go differently, you know his sister is rude af to you, and you know it has nothing to do with you personally, which means there's nothing you could do to change her mind.

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So just stop trying. Go to family functions, be yourself and be warm and friendly to the family, and let HER make an ass of herself with this behavior. The only reason I suggest this route is because if you stop attending family events, A) its like you're letting this woman win, and f**k that.

Don't give her the satisfaction! And B) if you come around less and so your husband comes around less, I bet your SIL will try to spin it as YOU being the problem. YOU will be the one trying to keep this family apart (not really, but you get what I'm saying).

Of course you're free to just choose to not be around this woman, and you still wouldn't be the a**hole. But I think the better course would be to manage your expectations, accept that this woman just doesn't like you for no damn reason, and let it go. Stop trying to suck up or change your behavior to win her over. Just do you and let her rude behavior be water off a duck's back.

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patitoq - NTA. Relationships don’t work like that. If she doesn’t want a relationship with you then stop doing things for her, or at least talk it out with her. If she never explains why or she just gets mad then stop going and tell your husband.

holypooitsame - NTA. Drop the rope. This is your husband's family, let him see and deal with them. Stay home and do some selfcare or spend time with friends, or any number of other things that will bring you enjoyment.

From backing the woman’s exit to calling out the husband’s inaction, these comments stir a lively debate. But do they unravel the core issue, or just fan the frost?

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This family drama shows how silence can cut deeper than words. The woman’s choice to skip events is a shield against rejection, but it leaves her husband caught between loyalties. Was she right to draw the line, or should she endure for his sake? It’s a reminder that family ties need respect to thrive. Ever felt invisible at a family event? What would you do in this woman’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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