AITA if I skip my brother’s wedding because my wife isn’t invite?

In a family where bonds have weathered storms, a man finds himself at a crossroads as his brother’s wedding approaches. His relationship with his brother remains strong, a rare bright spot amid tensions sparked years ago when his wife clashed with the fiancée over a thoughtless comment. The fiancée’s refusal to move past the incident has led to a pointed exclusion of his wife from the guest list, leaving him torn between family duty and spousal loyalty.

As the wedding date nears, with uncertainties lingering, he grapples with the decision to skip the event. His wife’s encouragement to attend clashes with his instinct to stand by her, fueling a quiet debate within about whether his choice reflects support or stubbornness.

‘AITA if I skip my brother’s wedding because my wife isn’t invite?’

Me and my brother have a good relationship. My wife and his fiance don't like each other. My brother's fiance has always been a bit childish and has never appropriately dealt with confrontation; she's the type of person who can say rude things about others, but when something is said back she has a meltdown.

She's opinionated, needy, and can be a bit phony. If she doesn't get her way she immediately goes into a bad mood. A few years back my wife was suffering from depression. My brother's fiance made a comment about one of my wife's family members. The comment was rude, but it wasn't personal or meant to offend.

Fueled by uncontrolled emotions, my wife decided to tell her off, calling her out on her childishness and phony behavior. Both my wife and my brother's fiance traded some harsh words, a few b-words were thrown around.

I realize my wife was wrong to blow up and start the arguement, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy that someone finally put my brother's fiance in her place. Luckily my relationship with my brother was not impacted.

My wife got over the arguement rather quickly, she didn't like my brother's fiance, but wanted to be cordial for my sake. However, my brother's fiance refuses to move on. My wife and my brother's fiance would see each other at family gatherings, and at first would completely ignore each other.

A few months passed and they would briefly converse with eachother if required. A few more months passed and they could be in the same conversation within a group, but my brother's fiance would purposely go out of her way not to include my wife.

My wife would go out of her way to try to talk to my brother's fiance but she would completely ignore her. My brother's fiance would show everyone in the room a photo but skip over my wife. My brother's fiance would say bye to everyone when leaving, but not my wife.

My brother's fiance would invite me to their house for parties, but tell me my wife was not invited. I haven't attended a party or event at my brother's since. Half a year passed and my wife reached out to my brother's fiance, asking if they could move past things so a rift wouldn't be created in the family.

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My brother's fiance responded as expected, and said she wanted no part of making amends or my wife in her life. Somehow my brother and I have still been able to hangout and converse as if there isn't a 10,000lb elephant in the room.

My brother had asked me to be a co-bestman along with our other brother, which in the moment I obviously said yes. I recently received the wedding invitation, and as you guessed my wife was not invited. I was a bit shocked and saddened.

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My brother and his fiance are set to be married in June (Covid pending) and my wife told me I should go. I have no interest in attending knowing she is not welcomed.. AITA if I skip my brother's wedding because my wife isn't invited?

Choosing between family and spouse hinges on mutual respect and past actions. The man’s decision to consider skipping the wedding aligns with Dr. John Gottman’s principle that “partnerships thrive when partners prioritize each other’s feelings” . The fiancée’s ongoing exclusion justifies his stance.

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The initial argument, though escalated by his wife, stemmed from the fiancée’s provocative comment, a pattern of behavior noted in a 2023 Journal of Family Therapy study on conflict escalation . His brother’s silence on the matter suggests complicity, weakening the case for attendance.

Dr. Gottman advises clear communication with the brother to seek resolution. Skipping the wedding is valid if the fiancée’s attitude persists, though a candid talk might open a path forward. His loyalty to his wife is a strength, not a fault.

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For him, maintaining open dialogue with his brother while supporting his wife could balance both relationships. For others, prioritizing a spouse in such disputes fosters trust. His choice reflects principle, not pettiness.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s community backs the man, calling him NTA for standing by his wife against the fiancée’s spiteful exclusion. They urge him to confront his brother and suggest the fiancée’s behavior drives the rift.

The consensus supports skipping the wedding unless his wife is included, with some advising a firm stance to set future boundaries. Most praise his loyalty, seeing the fiancée as the root issue.

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princeofthehouse - NTA. But why not call your brother and lay it out for him.. Let’s hope it’s nothing more then he didn’t handle the invites and doesn’t know she was excluded. But regardless make it clear that without your wife at your side you can’t see it being likely for you to be able to attend..

Your brother needs to get his fiancé’s to wind her neck in. Also you could just do the rsvp or/and text to the pair “thank you for the invite, the mrs and I look forward to being there on your special day”. Basically push the ball into their court.

illthinkofonel8er - NTA go to his 2nd wedding

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Meagcherry - NTA. You should tell your brother you understand this lack of invitation was made to content/care for his (future) wife, and that you, dually, must decline to content your own. He would be a h**ocrite to not understand.

That being said, you also wouldn’t be the a**hole if you did go, given he is your brother and you have your wife’s permission. Whatever your gut feeling is telling you right now is probably the decision you’d regret not making.

[Reddit User] - NTA she is your wife for christs sake. You are right to be pissed and not go to the wedding.

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the_truth_suckss - NTA. There is absolutely no way I would attend an event that my partner was left out of from spite. I don’t even feel bad for your brother because he should she put his foot down and insisted your wife be invited. Can’t you and your brother figure out a way to have the two of them hash this out? Enough is enough.

Mango-Taco - Hey everyone, thought I'd post an update. First, thank you everyone for your responses. I have thoroughly read through most of them. I'd also like to thank those who reached out to me via chat. You're all kind-hearted individuals for taking your time to assist a complete stranger; truly this has been a touching experience.

Second, it was hard to write all of the details in under 3000 characters. The initial statement that produced the arguement was aimed at my wife's decisions about how she cares for her elderly grandmother. It was not my brother's soon-to-be wife's place to comment on the matter, and her choice of words were thoughtless.

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Regardless, my wife should not have reacted the way she did. As for her concern over my wife's grandmother, it was really just a miscommunication of information. My wife and her grandmother are best friends. Taking your advice I am going to privately talk to my brother.

I am going to express how I am happy for him and wish them nothing but the best, but my wife not being invited means that I'm not invited. I will share how my wife tried to reach out and make amends but they could not reach an agreement.

I will share how I'm not happy with how his fiancé has been treating my wife, but I understand he has to take his fiance's side. I am also going to inform him that he and his wife are always welcome to any event my wife and I host. I also now see the need to talk to my entire family (minus my brother) so they know how me and my wife feel about the situation.

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I'm not going to badmouth my brother or his fiancé, but I'd also like to clear the air of any misconceptions my family may have and gossip they may have heard.. Thank you all so much. I wish you all safety and health during these times!

OfTehFae - NTA but I would tell my brother that I'm not attending and explaining why. Honestly your brother should have stood up for you via respecting your wife. But maybe he is unaware and if you two talk and he realizes what your wife not coming means he’ll change the situation.

Definitely stand by your wife though as I know I would feel very resentful and sad if my spouse went but I was left at home because of the fiancee making salty stabs at me from afar.

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blackpawed - NTA and good on you for sticking up for your wife.. ​ Have you contacted your brother? I'd suggest calling and mentioning your wife's invite appears to be missing. That gives him a hint and opportunity to make things right. If he doesn't, then it's on him.

Sarahimeantfarah - INFO: you saw future SIL made a comment about one of your wife’s family members, but it wasn’t rude or meant to offend - what was the comment? Also, was it just the 4 of you around for the argument or was it in front of a larger group?

RedDragonOz - This is one of those times that will set the future, so set out as you intend to continue. Will your wife not be invited to Xmas and other family functions if they host? If you let this go, they will think it's fine. Where is the rest of your family in this? The fiance is making you choose between your brother and wife. You need to settle this with your brother. NTA

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As the wedding date looms, this tale underscores the weight of spousal support in family conflicts. It’s a timely reminder of where loyalties lie. How do you handle being invited without your partner? Share your stories below let’s keep the conversation going!

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