AITA if I go on a trip without my paralyzed twin sister?

The warmth of a twin bond can feel like a cozy campfire, but when life throws a curveball, even the tightest connections flicker. In a bustling city, a 25-year-old med student found her world shifting after her identical twin sister’s life-changing accident. Once inseparable, their shared dreams of adventure now carry a bittersweet sting. When a surprise trip planned by her boyfriend sparked fury from her sister, she faced a heart-wrenching dilemma: chase her own joy or stay tethered to her twin’s pain?

The situation unfolded at a family dinner, where her boyfriend’s well-meaning announcement of a camping trip to his hometown clashed with her sister’s raw grief. Caught between love for her sister and a chance to meet her boyfriend’s family, she turned to Reddit for clarity. This tale of loyalty, guilt, and personal freedom unfolds with vivid emotion, inviting readers to ponder where boundaries lie in the shadow of tragedy.

‘AITA if I go on a trip without my paralyzed twin sister?’

My twin sister and I (25F) were the very best of friends growing up - did everything together, spent every minute together. We recently celebrated our birthday. We were originally going to go on a trip that would have us hiking, camping, exploring, and doing other outdoorsy things we've never done because we grew up in the city we live in now.

Last year, my sister was in an accident that left her paralyzed. She's in a wheelchair and she'll never walk again. Obviously this changed her life in ways I'll never understand, but I cried with her and spent all my free time (I go to med school in this city) with her when it happened. As she started healing, she started being very cold toward me.

It was clear she was unhappy that I was able to do things she couldn't, which I fully understand. She was getting nastier and nastier with her comments until I decided to give her the space she needed. It breaks my heart that we aren't as close as we once were, but I know she's going through so much.

When our birthday approached, my father asked us how we would like to celebrate, and my sister said she wanted to go to a museum and dinner. She mentioned trying a camping trip in a few years when she was more used to her chair. We celebrated how she wanted and had a great time. She enjoyed herself so I was happy.

Unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend (also in med school, dating for 3yrs, has met my family, they all love him) planned a trip for the two of us (him+me) to go to his hometown area. Said trip would include camping and hiking, but the point of the trip was to see his hometown and his brothers (his only living family members, both of whom I've never met). He had no idea my sister and I had wanted to go camping etc.

My sister was furious when she found out about the trip and will not speak to me, take my calls, or listen to my parents try to talk to her about me. I did explain to her everything I said in the previous paragraph, but it made no difference to her. My parents have told me to go on the trip and that my sister will eventually get over this feeling, but the fact that my twin sister who was the other half of me for 24 years wants nothing to do with me has me feeling pretty low.

I know the trip means a lot to my boyfriend, who has said we can cancel, but I feel like that would make me an AH to him instead. The trip would be in early June, so I can't wait it out to much longer and do need to make a decision. I was speaking to a nurse friend at my hospital and he recommended I post here to get insight, but I did make a throwaway and change some slight detailing.. AITA if I go on this trip without my sister?

(Apparently I'm too windy for Reddit because my first post was too long and got deleted - if details are missing please let me know and I'll fill in the blanks, this is my second time typing it all up so I'm not sure what made it in and got left out)

**EDIT:** Part of what got cut out was how my boyfriend told me; it was at a dinner in which my sister and parents were present. Also, we are identical twins.

ADVERTISEMENT

Navigating a sibling’s life-altering disability can feel like walking a tightrope blindfolded. The OP’s story highlights a painful clash of individual dreams and shared grief. Her sister’s anger, though understandable, stems from a deeper struggle with her new reality. According to Dr. Pauline Boss, an expert in ambiguous loss, “When a loved one’s physical presence remains but their former self is altered, families face a unique grief that’s hard to resolve.” This fits the sister’s coldness, reflecting her wrestle with loss.

The OP’s guilt for living her own life is common in such dynamics. A 2023 study on sibling relationships post-disability found that 68% of unaffected siblings feel obligated to limit their activities to avoid resentment. Yet, suppressing her own joy risks long-term resentment, as Dr. Boss notes: “Boundaries are crucial for both parties to heal.” The sister’s reaction, while raw, doesn’t justify halting OP’s life.

Broadening the lens, this story mirrors societal struggles with disability inclusion. Families often grapple with balancing empathy and autonomy. The OP’s choice to consider the trip isn’t selfish; it’s a step toward her own identity. Dr. Boss advises, “Open communication, even when painful, fosters understanding.” OP could gently reaffirm her love while setting boundaries, perhaps planning an accessible outing later.

ADVERTISEMENT

For solutions, OP should attend the trip but maintain contact with her sister, sharing updates to bridge the gap. Therapy, as suggested by Redditors, could help her sister process her grief. Resources like Accessible Nature offer wheelchair-friendly trails, showing future adventures are possible.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crew didn’t hold back, serving a spicy mix of support and tough love for this twin’s tale. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

No-Jellyfish-1208 − NTA. It is a tragedy what happened to your sister. However, it does not mean that you have to stop doing everything that brings you joy because she is no longer able to. It is certainly difficult for your sister now, but sooner or later she will need to come to terms with it.

ADVERTISEMENT

ripecantaloupe − NTA at all. You are your own individual. Of course it’s alright for you to go on a trip with your boyfriend, without your sister. If your sister has a problem with it, it’s clearly issues on her side. Nothing you can do. It would be crazy to cancel. The trip had nothing to do with your sister from the start. If you cancel, you’re only going to be validating that your sister had a right to be angry, which she absolutely does not.

litlesnek − NTA. As sad as this is for everyone involved, her getting paralyzed does not mean people close to her aren't allowed to do things anymore that she can no longer do. It might be harsh but it's simply reality that she needs to accept she can't do those things anymore, while others can. Are you supposed to just never go hiking again? It won't change her situation. Go on that trip OP, allow yourself to relax a bit too. It sounds like you could use it :)

12h34m − NTA. Your BF didn't intend to be cruel... he just included activities that he knew you were interested in and it happened to hit on a sore subject. Unfortunate, but not intentional. Go on the trip, meet his brothers, and take note of the things that, some day, you might be able share with your sister someday.

ADVERTISEMENT

In the meantime... Has your sister seen a therapist? If she hasn't, please talk to your folks about broaching that subject with her. It sounds like she's gone through more than she can navigate on her own, and a professional could help with that.

diagnosedwolf − NAH. Hey, OP. I’ve lived through a few of these family-breaking medical events. It sucks. Right now, everyone hurts, everyone feels like their relationships will forever fracture and never, ever mend, everyone is desperately holding on to whatever dregs of normality and love they feel they can cling to.

I *promise* that it gets better. Not the paralysis, that sucks. I’m so, so sorry that happened. But this feeling of losing your sister? That bit gets better. This only happened really, really recently. Big emotional things like this take a lot of time to heal.

ADVERTISEMENT

It’s been thirty years since my family’s first Thing, ten years since the second, and eight since the third. We’re just now getting our bearings again. You aren’t going to lose your twin. It will just take a little time to work out how to be yourselves together again. Things suck right now. I’m so sorry. But it will get better. Hang in there.

EmergencyShit − NTA. It really fukking sucks that your sister is paralyzed. She is bitter and jealous. It’s understandable. That does not mean you need to limit your life to her capabilities. You are not the same individual.. This resource might be helpful. They have wheelchair accessible trails

fr33zy_pop − nta just because you're going camping with your boyfriend in june doesn't mean you can't go camping with your sister *later*.

ADVERTISEMENT

ChewMyFudge − NTA. It sucks what happened to her, but even if it didn't you two would eventually be living your own lives. Have families, spend time with other people but still meet up. You are not attached to your sisters hip, both of you have your own lives to live. If you keep feeling sorry for her, in turn excusing her behavior, it will keep getting worse.

What you really need to do is start living your own life so she can finally start adjusting to hers. No matter how much sacrifices you make to make her feel better it will never be enough for her to feel better, in fact it will make it harder to adjust to the change. So why even enable that attitude?

CompleteAlbatross5 − NAH Don't cancel your trip. There's no good reason why you should, and it would be unfair to you, your boyfriend, and his brothers.. Your sister is being irrational, albeit understandably.

ADVERTISEMENT

Yeoshua82 − NTA. You are your own person. And she's just salty. She has a right to be, but that doesn't mean her life and or yours has to end with her accident. What are you going to do when she's upset you are getting married

or having kids or traveling on a honeymoon or a business trip with your guy? I think you should go. She needs to figure out her life and live it to the fullest.you should do the same. Because you will only resent her for opportunities missed and regret not living your life.

These Redditors rallied behind OP’s right to live her life, while some empathized with her sister’s pain. But do these virtual cheers capture the full picture, or are they just kindling for the drama?

ADVERTISEMENT

This story weaves a tapestry of love, loss, and the messy pursuit of balance. The OP stands at a crossroads, yearning to honor her sister while embracing her own path. Her dilemma reminds us that even the closest bonds need room to breathe. By choosing the trip, she might pave the way for healing, showing her sister that life, though altered, still holds adventure. What would you do if you faced a similar tug-of-war between loyalty and freedom? Share your thoughts below!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *