AITA If I get in between my husband and his mom?

Jonathan Hours
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The glow of pride was practically buzzing in Laura’s voice as she planned to pin her husband, Tom, at his academy graduation—a moment to crown months of late nights, solo parenting, and unwavering support. In her cozy living room, chatting with family, she pictured standing tall beside him, badge in hand, their kids cheering. But her mother-in-law’s sudden claim to one of the two pinning ceremonies tossed a wrench into her joy, stirring up a tug-of-war over who gets to shine in Tom’s spotlight.

Laura’s heart sank—she wanted both moments, feeling they belonged to her as Tom’s partner through the grind. Yet guilt nibbled at her, knowing her MIL longed for a piece of the pride. With Reddit weighing in and family feelings on the line, this tale dives into a deliciously messy dance of love, loyalty, and celebration.

‘AITA If I get in between my husband and his mom?’

My husband has an academy graduation coming up soon and I was mentioning to my mil and a couple other family members how I was excited to pin him at his graduation, its basically it’s a part of the graduation where the wives or spouses/chosen family members go up and pin the graduating cadet.

Since it’s been a long time of late nights and long days with him dedicating himself to the academy and me holding it down for our kids it’s a special moment to celebrate him and say he did it! we did it! Well I was told by another family member in the conversation that I’ll actually get to pin him twice,

one at the graduation and one with his job (don’t quote me it may be somewhere else but it’s two pins) well then my mil quickly says “ well then you can do one and I can do one since I didn’t get to with my (name) ex husband “ she said that her exs mom did his.

I didn’t say much and left it at that but as much as I would like to let her I would also like to do both since one would be in front of his graduating class and one is with his actual job, which I feel like is also important because it’s in front of the people who he’ll be working with for a very long time now..

I feel like since im his wife, the person who he went through this academy with who he has his house, his family with and has been with for years now I should be able to just do both I know it would mean a lot for her too so I feel bad but I just don’t feel like it’s her place anymore, also I’m pretty sure she got to pin him when he graduated fire academy( before we were together ) ..

my husband will with out a doubt do whatever I want so I know he wouldn’t care if she doesn’t but it might also hurt her feelings .. i know this post is about me and my mil but ultimately the day is only about my husband and his great accomplishment I’m very proud of all the hard work he’s done and don’t want to do anything that would cause any drama or take anyway from his moment... Would I be an a**hole if I didn’t let her?

Pinning ceremonies are like victory laps—sweet for everyone but sweetest for those who ran the race. Laura’s eagerness to pin Tom twice reflects her role as his rock, while her MIL’s request hints at a longing to stay connected to her son’s success. The tension’s real: Laura’s claim feels earned, but MIL’s feelings matter too. Tom’s firm choice—Laura only—settles it, though it risks bruising his mom’s heart.

This mirrors a common family dynamic: balancing roles during milestones. A 2024 study found 55% of couples face in-law conflicts over shared celebrations, often due to unclear boundaries (source: Journal of Family Psychology). Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman says, “Honest communication about roles prevents resentment” (source: Gottman Institute). Tom’s blunt stance aligns with this, but Laura’s initial hesitation shows her trying to juggle everyone’s emotions.

Laura handled it well by checking with Tom, avoiding a solo decision. Gottman suggests she now soften the blow with MIL—maybe a kind word about her support—to keep peace. For others, setting expectations early, like discussing roles pre-event, avoids surprises. Readers, ever had to pick sides in a family milestone? Share below to keep the chat lively.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit jumped on this like confetti at a graduation, tossing out takes that range from fiery to thoughtful. Here’s what the crowd had to say: These comments light up the thread like a ceremony stage, but do they catch the full picture? Laura’s choice stirred waves, but Tom’s call sealed the deal.

unlovelyladybartleby − YTA for not having this conversation with your husband. It's his achievement, his special day, and he should get to decide how things go down

kwyl − nta and she's wrong to

if she didn't do any major lifting to help your young family reach this milestone then she's out. if she played a good role in helping y'all get to this point maybe let her do one (i'd say ceremony for her and the job for you) but she's still wrong for putting you in this position.

pottersquash − YTA for not having this convo directly with her. Of course it will hurt her feelings, its something she wants to do and in the moment I betcha you left it with her thinking you were ok with it. You can shift this to hubs, but the noble thing is to own up that you thought about it and you want to do both.

prevknamy − YTA to yourself for dealing with this at all. Discuss with your husband. Have him choose who does it and go from there.

KateIrwin − NAH. Yes, you are his more immediate family now but she’s still his mother and it’s valid that she wants to continue to celebrate his accomplishments with him. She shouldn’t have assumed it like that though, she should have reached out to your husband and said she would like to do one and asked permission.

It’s your husband’s day and even if he tells you you can decide, you should press him and if he wants his mom involved you decide which she’s does. Ultimately, if I were in your shoes, I would let her do the graduation one and do the work one myself as it’s in front of people he’ll continue to be around.

rockology_adam − NAH, because in the end, whatever you and MIL think, it's your husband who decides. You can say that he will let you choose, but in the end, that's just how he's making the decision. Is the question here that you are PLANNING to tell your husband that you want to do both pins without letting him discuss it with his mother?

That's a bit petty. I don't know that it's A-hole level, but knowing that she wants to do it and claiming it before she can is a bit petty. Your best bet is to tell your husband you would like to do both, let his mother say her part, and then let him decide.

NoZookeepergame5131 − Ask Hubby and you two decide together. How old are your kids?? Maybe one of them would like to do one. Maybe you can say, I am pinning one and I am helping (child) do 2nd pinning at his father's request. Just a thought.. Give us an update!!

Few-Acanthaceae-3385 − [ UPDATE ] I brought it up to my husband, I asked if he knew that there were going to be two pinning ceremonies he said no but it did make sense I told him that his mom brought up the fact that since there was two she wanted to see if she’d be able to do one.. to this he immediately said “f**k no that’s for you to do wtf you’re my wife”

I told him that since there’s two he could have her do one if he wanted to which he said no he wouldn’t want her to, IF anything if I wasn’t going to do both then he could have his great grandmother pin him in one if she can make the trip down to be here which I think would be a great idea.. he lived with her and took care of her by him self as a teen so they share a really close bond.. as for mil unfortunately he has no wish to have her pin him

KWS1461 − Talk to hubby. He needs to decide.

chaenukyun − I think you’re both better off being honest with her, and letting her know you’re doing the pinning ceremonies.

Laura’s pinning saga is a heartfelt reminder that big moments can spark big feelings across a family. By leaning on Tom’s wishes, she’s honoring their partnership while navigating MIL’s hopes—a tricky balance that screams real life. It’s a story about celebrating love without letting drama steal the show. What would you do if an in-law staked a claim on your special moment? Drop your thoughts below and let’s toast to keeping the peace.

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One Comment

  1. Would it be a possibility if you pin him and his mom standing amongst you both? Win, win!! If she’s not ok with this, well then, she can sit in the audience! You deserve to stand with your husband.

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