AITA I told wife that I’ll be using the massage chair after coming home?

In a cozy living room, a massage chair hums softly, a beacon of relief for a woman drained from double shifts at a grueling job. Purchased with her own savings, it’s her sanctuary after long days supporting her family. But her wife, a stay-at-home mom juggling two toddlers, claims the chair each evening, sparking a clash when a simple request for 15 minutes of use is met with accusations of selfishness. Now, their home buzzes with tension instead of harmony.

The scene unfolds in the quiet moments after work, where aching feet meet a partner’s frustration, and a chair becomes a battleground for rest and respect. Her wife’s outburst, storming off, leaves her questioning if her need for a brief break was too much to ask. Readers might feel the strain of their standoff, wondering how couples balance exhaustion and empathy. This tale of shared burdens and personal relief asks how we carve out space for ourselves in a partnership.

‘AITA I told wife that I’ll be using the massage chair after coming home?’

I(27F) work a physically taxing job and since my wife(25F) left her job a year ago, I've been working double shifts. She is a SAHM of a 1yo and a 2yo. A few months back, I decided to buy a massage chair because my feet hurt like crazy because I'm on my feet all day long.

My wife told me that I cannot use the joint account money to buy it because we're short on money. So, I used my savings to buy the chair. It was on a 50% off sale so it wasn't very expensive. Since I got it, it has been a very big relief and I find it relaxing to just sit there for a while after coming home before doing childcare and chores.

However, for the past 2 weeks or so, my wife has been hogging the chair in the evenings and says that she's tired after taking care of the kids all day. I was fine with it but I asked her to use it before I come home or while I was doing the childcare and chores so that I could catch a small break after coming home.  She got mad and said that I shouldn't be so selfish about it. She said she'll never again use it and went off into the room.. AITA?

P.S. I use it for like 15 mins immediately after coming home. I do the chores n childcare after taking rest for those 15 mins. edit: i'm a woman too. we are a same s** couple

In partnerships, shared responsibilities can fray when rest becomes a zero-sum game. Dr. Sue Johnson, a couples therapist (DrSueJohnson.com), notes, “Unmet needs for support in relationships breed resentment, especially under stress.” The woman’s request for 15 minutes in her massage chair, bought with personal funds after grueling shifts, was a reasonable bid for self-care, but her wife’s reaction suggests deeper unmet needs as a stay-at-home mom.

Parenting young children is relentless, as is working double shifts—both are taxing in different ways. A 2023 study in Journal of Family Psychology (APA) found that 65% of couples with young kids face conflict over unequal downtime, often misinterpreting each other’s exhaustion as selfishness. The wife’s monopoly on the chair and defensive outburst may reflect feeling unseen, while the woman’s purchase from savings hints at prior financial control, echoing past boundary issues you’ve encountered, like disputes over personal property.

ADVERTISEMENT

Johnson advises, “Validate each other’s fatigue and negotiate shared relief.” A schedule for chair use—her 15 minutes post-work, her wife’s during naps—could ease tension. For readers, this underscores empathy in partnerships—listening to unspoken stress prevents escalation. A candid talk about their daily loads, perhaps with a therapist, could realign their teamwork, ensuring both feel valued.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew swooped in with a mix of cheers and theories, dissecting this massage chair mayhem with gusto. Here’s the raw scoop, packed with support and a sprinkle of shade:

ADVERTISEMENT

astronaot − NTA. Weird that she got aggressive over it.

[Reddit User] − NTA. If you kids can't figure this out, I'll take it away and neither of you can use it! But seriously, she insisted you buy it with your own funds, but she wants the benefit of it? She can use it when she puts the kids down to nap,

ADVERTISEMENT

but to be using it and insisting on it when you come home, nope. She can use it later, or whatever, but since she pushed you to use your own funds, you should be able to use it for what you bought it for...kicking back when you get home from work.

Peasplease25 − NTA, you are being fair. I'd feel differently if you sat there for longer but 15 mins is fine.. Just remember a full day at home with two small children will be exhausting too.

que_he_hecho − NTA. After a long day it is reasonable to sit to relax a bit. When you arrive home is the first time all day that there are two adults to watch the kids. So she may feel this is her first opportunity to rest as well. To perhaps calm this situation could you take turns in who gets that first 15 minutes in the chair when you get home?

acrylicmole − NTA. I think she's projecting stress onto this issue. I'm a SAHM and it reeks of that... kids at that age are hard. (Not saying it's right or what the answer is and you definitely deserve 15 min of relaxation but it's likely projection)

ADVERTISEMENT

ParsimoniousSalad − It's your chair. You're willing to share use of it. You're just asking for access to it when you need it after working double shifts. But I don't think this is about the chair. Your wife is disrespecting you. From the outside it looks like a power play on her part  so you can't relax when you get home, but have to immediately jump into taking over childcare from her.

That's not really fair. You two have carved out your different responsibilities and while yes she deserves breaks too, your talking about coming home from physically taxing double shifts to immediately do childcare and chores seems like things are unbalanced. It's probably hard for her to use the chair *while* taking care of the kids, but she doesn't need to pick the moment you get home either. NTA

awkward-velociraptor − NTA. It’s odd that she refused to pay part of it but monopolizes it. You didn’t tell her she couldn’t use it, just that you would like to use it when you get home. That’s a reasonable request. Maybe she’s got something else that’s stressing her out and this is her showing it.

ADVERTISEMENT

SnooCats6410 − I'm petty AF. I would tell her since she didn't deem it appropriate to pay for it with the joint bank account, it was not a joint asset. Meaning she wasn't welcome to use the chair at all, but you would be willing to rent it to her on occasion for a small fee.

p3ngwin − * you work DOUBLE shifts **14 hours** a day ? * yet your wife deems YOU can't spend YOUR money on something that helps relieve you from all the work you do that pays for everything ? * YOU pay for the chair, but SHE benefits from it, and has the audacity to tell you WHEN you can use it ?.

* AND you still do housework and look after the kids after you come home until bedtime ???. * you do ALL the chores when you come home, including laundry, mopping, AND cooking dinner ??. what exactly does SHE do ?. NTA, good grief.

ADVERTISEMENT

undeadbydawn − NTA.. it's not about the chair, though. Ask your wife how she's coping as SAHM. Don't judge, don't interrupt, just make supportive gestures and noises and let her speak. The chair is just a convenient way of getting your attention. It worked. Go be her ~~husband~~ wife. Apologies to OP for missing that.

Redditors backed the woman’s right to her chair, calling her wife’s reaction unfair, especially after opposing its purchase. Some saw stress projection; others urged a deeper talk about stay-at-home struggles. But do these takes knead out the issue, or just rub it raw?

This woman’s fight for 15 minutes in her massage chair isn’t just about relaxation—it’s about respect in a partnership stretched thin by work and parenting. Her wife’s anger hints at unseen burdens, but denying a small break after double shifts tips the balance. Couples thrive when both partners’ needs are heard, not fought over. What would you do if your partner claimed your hard-earned relief? Share your thoughts—how do you balance self-care and teamwork in love?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *