AITA: I splurged and bought me something after my wife told me no?

In a twist that blends modern hobbies with traditional family dynamics, a long-haul truck driver surprises his household by secretly upgrading his truck with a custom sim racing rig. His decision comes after a firm refusal from his wife, setting the stage for a clash between personal indulgence and collective family time. The unexpected move not only highlights the struggle to balance work, play, and domestic obligations but also reflects the evolving nature of leisure in a high-pressure lifestyle.

Although the rig is designed to fold away and even be used during family moments, its installation without mutual agreement has sparked more than a few heated reactions. The story unfolds with humor, tension, and a touch of modern rebellion—a narrative that invites us to examine what it means to prioritize personal passion in a shared life.

‘AITA: I splurged and bought me something after my wife told me no?’

I (38M) and my wife (35M, I'll just call her Kelly) have been together 9 years married for 5 and we have 2 kids. Recently I've been getting into sim racing (mainly Assetto Corsa). For some context I am a long distance trucker working 50+ hour weeks making around $170k a year, I'm usually home on Sundays but thats not always the case.

When I am home I usually try to do something with the family but since I've found this new hobby I've been spending more time there. Kelly hasn't liked it as I am not home much so when I am she wants family time, perfectly understandable. Yet since I can't race while working, I really don't have any time except for when I'm home.

Within the last year she has wanted a hot tub and a new car, I've bought her both since moneys not an issue and they would be nice. So about 2 weeks ago I brought up the idea that since no one ever rides with me in my truck, I could install a sim rig in the passenger seat.

I've seen it done before and thought it would be the best of both worlds as I could race when not driving and when home we could have family time.  She immediately shot down the idea saying its

After everything was done and bought (rig, pc, wheel, shifter, monitors, ect) it came to be around $3700, nothing compared to what went into her $5000 hot tub and $39000 car. Everything is collapsible so I can see while driving so it is not a driving hazard and doesn't affect her at all.

When I came home this Sunday and she saw it, she went ballistic, cussing me out and left me to walk home (I park my truck at my shop, Kelly comes to pick me up and drives me home) so after a 40 minute walk I made it home to see she took the kids to her mothers and wanted to talk about making smart financial decisions.

This made me mad as we have a large savings account and emergency fund, so whats wrong with me spending my hard earned money to splurge a bit on myself? She is a stay-at-home mom and it has been that way since we've met. I do all I can to make sure she has everything she needs and is happy, but I cant have a sim rig to relax and have some fun with the boys? Am I the A**hole?

EDIT: I didn't think this would be needed but seeing all the people saying that I take 2 days off for a hobby but not for family, I take days/weeks off all the time, we go on family vacations every quarter.. I make time for my family this purchase is so I can enjoy my hobby on my down time ON THE ROAD.

I see so many people saying

For everyone saying I should have had a conversation, I tried.. She shot me down immediately, wouldn't allow the conversation. The kids are back home and everything seems to be fine, and I do call her and the kids every night. So many people think I don't care about my family its ridiculous.

The situation highlights the classic challenge of balancing individual passion and family obligations. In this case, the OP’s decision to install a sim rig without reaching mutual agreement illustrates how personal hobbies can inadvertently cause friction in a long-term relationship. Such unilateral choices often raise concerns about respect and teamwork in managing shared finances and household priorities.

Examining the decision more closely, the OP aimed to carve out some personal time during infrequent home visits without affecting family routines. While the intent was to blend leisure with limited quality time, bypassing a joint discussion led to feelings of exclusion and disregard for mutual decision-making. This misstep underscores that even well-intended actions require clear communication for them to be successful within a partnership.

Broadening the discussion, relationship experts emphasize that healthy communication is crucial for reconciling personal desires with family needs. As noted by renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, “It’s the quality of the moments you share, not the quantity of time spent, that builds a resilient bond.”

This perspective, highlighted on resources like the Gottman Institute website (https://www.gottman.com), reminds us that integrating individual interests into a couple’s shared life is key to avoiding miscommunication.

Finally, considering both perspectives, a balanced solution may lie in setting aside dedicated time for personal pursuits alongside regularly scheduled discussions about major decisions. Couples can benefit from aligning on budget priorities and leisure activities to ensure each partner feels valued. Establishing these open channels of communication can help prevent future conflicts and reinforce the trust necessary to maintain a healthy, long-term relationship.

See what others had to share with OP:

Overall, the general sentiment from the community reflects a split view on the matter. Many acknowledge that pursuing a hobby—especially one that offers relaxation and personal fulfillment—can be necessary given the demanding nature of the OP’s career.

On the other hand, a significant number of commenters stress that major decisions impacting shared family dynamics ideally should be mutually agreed upon. While some see the unilateral installation of the sim rig as a harmless personal indulgence, others warn that bypassing joint discussion could strain the trust and balance in a long-term relationship.

Usrname52 − ESH, leaning towards YTA. It definitely sounds like I make the money, while she's only a SAHM.....so

If you didn't think the hotel tub was a good idea or that a cheaper car allowed more savings, that's a discussion to have. A car isn't a hobby, a car is a necessity in most places in the US. And you have two kids, so she needs a safe vehicle to take them places.. Are you not going to use the hot tub at all?

You had less than 1 day a week home, and then started doing a hobby that often took that away, now you are presenting this new purchase as

When does she ever have time for

bionicfeetgrl − YTA. Buying a vehicle for your wife who uses it to drive herself and your children around isn’t the same as dumping 4k into a hobby only **you** enjoy. Also you seem to think because you make the money you should get to enjoy stuff because your wife stays home and spends the money you make.

You’re forgetting she enables you to be on the road making that money. You don’t have to worry about childcare. You don’t have to wonder if your kids are getting to school or their activities. She’s doing all of that.

You leave and magically everything gets taken care of. That’s her part of the deal. So your income is your part of the deal. Men act like cuz it’s their name on the paycheck they’re booking their wife up.

scranston − When you're racing on the road, is that during the legally mandated rest time? My main question is

wesmorgan1 − INFO: You wrote:. Recently I've been getting into sim racing (mainly Assetto Corsa). . 1) How long have you been sim racing?. 2) Do you already have a rig at home?  If anyone in my family said

clay-teeth − You can afford to work at a job that gives you 170k per year because of your wife. The way you talk about her, and the money you both have, is gross.

QueenHelloKitty − Info: Why did you discuss it with her if you were just going to do what you wanted anyways? There are a lot of things my husband does that I really don't care about. But, if he discussed something with me and we decided on a way to move forward, and then he ignores that decision and does whatever he wanted to begin with, that would p**s me off.

ArleneTheMad − YTA for being sneaky and weird about it Adults talk issues out with their partners, they don't compile reasons why it's justified to go behind your partner's back after they said they were against it.. If this is how you two act, then you aren't in a relationship... you made a mess

Qtipsarenice147 − Nta- I think some commenters here are confused. You did this so you could play on your off hours while you're over the road, right? So this is in no way affecting her, in fact it's helping so you can have your fun but it won't be during the day you're at home. Sounds like a win win to me.

I'm also a sahm and my husband drives, he's home daily but still really long hours. My mom's partner was also an OTR driver for like 10 years, she had a video game she loves playing and would do that the entire weekend when she was home. They almost got divorced over it. Now she's home daily so the problem fixed itself but I'm just saying.

I understand where you're coming from and your wife. This seems like a great solution and if money isn't an issue, I see no problem. Edit- all of you that have a problem with this, I guarantee if the wife was on here posting saying she wants a hot tub and is with the kids all the time but husband said no.

You'd be saying

manorTee − If you are married, the money is

brokensyntax − ESH -- You discussed it with her first, and while her response to your fun money seems short sighted, she expressed disaproval, and you did it anyway.. Essentially showing her, that her opinion or input doesn't matter.

Now on a purely logical tangent, I agree, in the case of your hobby, your office space, your discretionary expenditure, her opinion doesn't actually matter. Until you involved her in it during the decision making phase. After getting it, her reaction is to strand you, take the kids, and run to mothers?

That's ridiculous and extreme. You could be like so many others in long haul; drinking and visiting rippers to blow their money. You instead wanted to be able to spend a few hours of your mandatory rest time hitting the virtual pavement..

It seems like a perfectly reasonable approach to having both your hobby and your family time otherwise. And it's not like the sim-pit set-up can only* be used for that one game, or even only racing. It wasn't that expensive in the scheme of simpits.

Your mental health and happiness are important too, and part of that for humans includes pleasurable stimuli.. I hope y'all talk this out and come to understand each other.. You deserve and should have your toy.. She feels disrespected.

In conclusion, the story of a truck driver’s covert sim rig installation encapsulates the challenges of balancing a demanding career, a personal hobby, and a family’s collective needs. It raises essential questions about communication, trust, and compromise in modern relationships.

What steps can couples take to ensure that individual pursuits enhance rather than detract from family unity? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

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