AITA: I am refusing to babysit my sisters kids even for a few hours which is causing conflict in the family?

The living room was a battlefield of toys and toddler tantrums, with a 16-year-old caught in the crossfire of family expectations. His sister, freshly divorced and back home with three young kids, leaned on him to step up as an impromptu babysitter. But he pushed back, unwilling to trade his teenage freedom for diaper duty. As his sister’s pleas turned to pressure and their parents joined the chorus, the tension boiled over, leaving him wondering if he’s the villain in this family saga.

This Reddit post dives into the messy clash of family loyalty and personal boundaries. Readers can’t help but feel the teen’s frustration, caught between love for his niece and nephews and a fierce desire to keep his own life intact. Was he wrong to draw a line in the sand?

‘AITA: I am refusing to babysit my sisters kids even for a few hours which is causing conflict in the family?’

My sister is 24 years old and moved back home a few months ago after a divorce with her husband. She has 3 kids, the oldest is 4 and the other two are twins and both turn 2 in 3 months. Now eversince she has moved back there has been the expectation that I 16M will watch them from time to time, which I have quite bluntly declined to do.

My sister kept trying though, like getting up, putting her coat on, grabbing her handbag and opening the door saying she is leaving, to which I would reply something like 'When does the babysitter arrive?' Which would then spark an argument about me watching them, you get the picture, my go to answer is No.

Well eversince something that we can not mention happened this has gotten even worse. She can't go out and she can't bring them to their dad in the weekends and as such needs to watch them all the time. At first our parents were playing a more active role in taking care of them since they are working from home,

but they have gotten used to not having to look after kids anymore(I mean I don't exactly require much looking after anymore) and well they work from home so lack the time unless they work less. So now my parents are also telling me I need to be 'A better brother and uncle' and pretty much look after them now and again, no doubt due to my sister stressing everyone out.

Now, I get it, I love my niece and nephews, my sister is stressed and she is stressing my parents out, so the logical relief here is me. However, I have no clue how to take care of the twins and I don't want this to be a regular thing either, I am not their parent after all and I want to do whatever I want.

So I told her as a compromise, that if she asked me well in advance I would be willing to watch my niece who is the 4 year old, for a few hours now and again. This did not go over well as apparantly I should be willing to spend time with all of them and sometimes she need someone to look after them straight away as there are no babysitters right now.

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I shot back by pointing out that is her problem and she chose to have kids, I did not choose to be an unpaid babysitter and that led to another fight so now I am refusing it alltogether. So am I being an a**hole here?

Edit: For those who repeat this. I have online school and I work a lot more due to working part time at a grocery store, so it is not like I got a load of free time or something.

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Edit 2: Since this keeps coming up, obviously I interract with them, play with them, read to them and do forth in general, I mean I figured that eould speak for itself. My post is about me not wanting to be left to watch my niece and the twins for several hours while my sister goes and does god knows what.

This family feud underscores the tricky balance between helping loved ones and protecting personal boundaries. The teen’s refusal to babysit his sister’s three young children—especially the demanding twins—stems from a valid concern: he’s not equipped for the role and didn’t sign up for it.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family dynamics expert, emphasizes that “family roles must be negotiated with respect, not assumed” (The Gottman Institute, link). The sister’s tactic of nearly walking out to force babysitting shows a lack of respect for the teen’s autonomy, escalating conflict. His offer to occasionally watch the 4-year-old was a reasonable compromise, but her dismissal of it suggests entitlement, not collaboration.

This situation reflects broader issues of family expectations. A 2022 Pew Research study found that 40% of teens feel pressured to take on adult responsibilities at home, often clashing with their own goals (Pew Research Center, link). The teen’s part-time job and online school further limit his capacity, making his stance practical, not selfish.

For solutions, experts recommend clear communication. Dr. Gottman advises setting boundaries early, like agreeing on specific times or payment for babysitting. The teen could propose a family meeting to outline responsibilities, ensuring his sister seeks external childcare options. This approach fosters mutual respect while supporting the family unit.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, dishing out support and shade with equal gusto. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd, packed with cheers and reality checks:

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QueenyVicky − NTA. She sounds manipulative af. If she wants you to babysit, she should pay you like a babysitter and yes she should tell you days before when she needs you to watch them. Like you said, she chose to have kids, not you.

vball0111 − NTA. Who tries to force someone to babysit by LEAVING THEIR CHILDREN?

srslyeffedmind − NTA. Babysitters get paid. Check the fair market value where you live, present your rates and the need for training. Let her decide then.

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hmg07 − NTA. I understand your sister's point of view in needing some time without the kids, my husband has deployed while our kids were small and no family around. But that being said, forcing people to look after kids they don't want to look after is miserable for everyone.

And her having children did not involve input from you, so you are under no obligation to watch them. I think she's seriously underestimating the kindness of you taking the 4 year old. When our 3 were small, even having one gone made the workload feel instantly more manageable (not that we didn't miss the one gone)

teresajs − NTA From the sounds of it, your sister isn't working. So there's no reason she can't take care of her own kids. And if her Ex is self-isolating well and y'all are self-isolating, there isn't any compelling reason that the kids' Dad couldn't have some custody or visitation.

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[Reddit User] − Ask her how much she is planning on paying you. If she isn’t, she in entitled af.

witchesbeslytherin − NTA As a mother if someone told me they don’t want to watch my offspring that’s the line, you do not try to run out and just leave them. Plus three kids that aren’t your own is a lot to handle even for an experienced adult. If she wanted time to herself having three kids was not the way to get it.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I moved 3 states away from my family due to similar circumstances. They still ask when I'm moving back home so I can 'help everyone out again'.

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piximelon − ESH and I already know this is a controversial opinion here but my judgment is mainly based on the fact that we're in the middle of an unprecedented global event. Meaning that she most likely really can't find another sitter. Any other time I would say she sucks for expecting you to watch her kids. She still sucks for the whole packing up to leave and mentioning on the way out that she doesn't have a babysitter, that's b**lshit.

[Reddit User] − NTA, though it would be the nice thing to do, babysitting three kids, especially young ones, isn't easy and if you don't feel comfortable doing it you shouldn't be pressured by your family. You're family, not a free babysitter who's available for anyone at anytime anywhere, especially if you're not experienced.

These Redditors backed the teen’s right to say no, slamming the sister’s manipulative moves. Some saw her demands as entitled; others urged payment or training for babysitting. But do these spicy takes capture the full family dynamic, or are they just fanning the flames?

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This tale of a teen holding his ground against family pressure hits home for anyone juggling love and limits. It’s a reminder that family support shouldn’t mean sacrificing personal freedom. The teen’s refusal to be an unpaid, untrained babysitter sparks a bigger question about where duty ends and choice begins. What would you do if you were in his shoes? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s get the conversation rolling!

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