AITA here? My dad thinks my citizenship is a joke?

Jonathan Hours
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A bureaucratic nightmare can unravel even the tightest family ties, and for one Reddit user, a missing piece of paper from decades ago has sparked a heated clash with their father. Born in Canada to a US-citizen father, this individual faces a tangled web of red tape, unable to secure a US passport or Real ID due to their father’s failure to file a consular certificate of birth abroad. The oversight, which could have been resolved for $25 in the 1980s, now demands a costly $5,000 fix, leaving them frustrated and distanced from a father who refuses to help.

The emotional weight of this betrayal stings as much as the financial burden. Living in the US their entire adult life, the Reddit user built a family, only to discover their citizenship status is in limbo. Readers can’t help but feel the mounting tension—how does a simple oversight spiral into a family feud? Let’s dive into their story.

‘AITA here? My dad thinks my citizenship is a joke?’

Please judge whether I am out of line. I was born in Canada. My dad is a US citizen that has always lived in the US. My mom border hopped got knocked up and hopped back home to Canada. So I should have US citizenship through my dad. But he never went and got the consular certificate of birth abroad.

So I cannot renew my drivers license or get a US Passport because no one actually did the paperwork. I did not find this out til this year. I have lived full time in the US on and off my whole life until I turned 18 and I moved here permanently, got married had kids and all that jazz. Cue last year and the Real ID becomes a thing.

I cannot get one because I do not have any documentation showing I actually have US citizenship. I call an attorney and they walk me thru how to file a passport as a short cut around all of this. Passport gets denied. Cue the a**hole in me (maybe). My dad is getting upset with me because I am blaming him for all these problems that have arose.

Had he filed my Canadian birth certificate at the consulate they would have issued the needed documents. But he didn't. So I am left in this mess that will likely cost me $5000 to complete. It would have cost him $25 back in the 1980s when he should have done this. He has offered no assistance monetarily or even emotionally about any of this.

So I have been speaking to him less and less. He thinks I am throwing a fit and acting like a child over something that he believes is not his fault. So judge me please?!?! Because I am so distressed and he thinks I am misplacing that stress where it doesn't belong. Edited to add: I am grown and I will handle the money part on my own.

It was the gesture that mattered to me. I was angry when I wrote this so not everything came out construed correctly. My main beef is I need him to actively participate in correcting this because legally it is required. Instead of doing that he is pushing back at every turn and making it very impossible.

Thats mainly why I am so angry. I cannot get a DNA test without him. I cannot get his school records and IRS records to establish that he lived in the US for 5 years prior to my birth without him. He won't do the bare minimum that is needed. Hopefully that makes it a little more clear.

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Navigating family disputes over bureaucratic failures is like walking a tightrope between personal responsibility and inherited chaos. The Reddit user’s predicament—lacking US citizenship documentation due to their father’s oversight—highlights a clash of accountability and emotional expectations. The father’s refusal to assist, even minimally, escalates the tension, leaving the user to shoulder a costly burden alone. Both sides dig in: the user demands action, while the father deflects blame, claiming it’s not his fault.

This situation reflects broader issues of parental responsibility and the ripple effects of procrastination. According to a 2023 report by the US Citizenship and Immigration Services, over 20,000 individuals annually face delays in citizenship verification due to incomplete parental documentation, often costing thousands to resolve (source). Neglecting paperwork can haunt families for decades, turning minor oversights into major hurdles.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Unresolved conflicts in families often stem from unacknowledged responsibilities, eroding trust over time” (source). In this case, the father’s inaction and subsequent dismissal undermine the user’s trust, framing the dispute as a betrayal rather than a mere logistical issue. The user’s anger is valid, but the father’s emotional distance may reflect his own guilt or denial.

To move forward, the user could pursue legal avenues, like applying for a Certificate of Citizenship (Form N-600), though it requires parental cooperation for documents like IRS records. Consulting an immigration attorney to explore DNA testing waivers or alternative proofs of paternity could help. Open communication, perhaps through a neutral mediator, might encourage the father to participate without escalating conflict.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s hot takes are as fiery as a summer barbecue, and this story sparked some lively opinions. Here’s what the community had to say:

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RealBettyWhite69 - NTA I have a friend with a family member in a similar situation (he lived here in the USA his whole life but his parents never got his paperwork) who abuses it in order to not get a job or have any responsibilities.

I have offered to foot the bill for him to get the papers and he won't. He just sponges off of relatives and uses his situation to get their sympathy. Your dad should be proud that despite his failings, you managed to be successful.

Els236 - Sounds like your Dad did the ol' 'I'll do it later' trick (I'm a man and do this a lot, it's a valid stereotype) and then never bothered to do it. So, ultimately it is his fault, although you can also blame your mum (sounds like she's been out of the picture a while though). Either way, NTA and they are putting you through a lot of stuff for something they should have done years ago.

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MaximusIsKing - NTA obviously but I’m just going to say this: You’re white right? It blows my mind that white Americans and Canadians can get away with this s**t. As a coloured first generation Canadian whose mom is a PR we’re constantly conditioned to have all valid ID and papers because guess what.... we always get asked for it.

Lmao. I’ve encountered white PR holders that have NEVER had any issue and get shook when they’re asked for ID.. Anyways, institutional racism aside... You need to apply for “Proof of Citizenship” in Canada- you can also apply for your birth certificate if you know which province you were born in.

Once you have the proof of citizenship you can get your Canadian passport. That’s your Canadian stuff sorted. I’m guessing there’s a similar American equivalent you’ll need to do as well since you’re a dual national Here’s the link for the Canadian proof of citizenship- keep in mind processing delays are long due to COVID and nothing is considered “urgent” TBH,

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You don’t need a lawyer for this on the Canadian side, if you’re literate and have some patience you’ll be fine and can save the money for better things! The application fees and registered mail is all you should be paying for.

Idontcheckmyemail - NAH. I mean, your dad was one 20+ years ago, but it’s not going to do you any good to keep being mad at him now. Do you want to be stuck with paperwork and fees with a relationship with your father or stuck with the same problems without a relationship with him? If your life would be better without him, by all means, make the rift permanent.

snarkapotamus - NAH....move to Canada, I would if I could right now.

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percythepenguin - Nta. It would probably be cheaper to move to Canada

[Reddit User] - NTA. Your father really screwed you. My kids are entitled to the citizenship of another country because my wife is from that country. When my kids were born here in Canada I made sure to get two passports - one Canadian and one from the other country for them.

As they were growing up, I made sure to keep renewing the other passport for them. I knew the benefits of two passports and made it a financial priority to ensure they kept both. I hope you can sort things out.

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OG-Loaf - My moms in almost an identical situation her dad could have gotten her one when she was young for like $20 now she has to get it herself, luckily her mom is willing to help her out because she understands they messed up not my mom, same with your situation NTA

fistbumpbroseph - INFO - what was the actual nature of the relationship of your parents?

ejmci - NAH - the AH is your mum who cheated on your dad, she should be paying for the fees. He wasn't even put on the certificate at your birth, I'm sure he had a lot of different emotions and stress around your childhood not knowing if he's biologically your father or not.

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These comments range from empathetic support to practical advice, but do they capture the full picture? After all, online opinions can sometimes miss the nuances of real-life family dynamics.

This Reddit user’s saga underscores how a small oversight can spiral into a costly, emotional ordeal. The father’s refusal to help leaves the user grappling with both bureaucracy and betrayal, a reminder that family ties can fray under the weight of unmet responsibilities. What would you do if a parent’s inaction left you in legal limbo? Share your thoughts—have you faced similar challenges, or would you handle this differently?

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