AITA For yelling at my fiancèe after she hid my glasses?

In a cramped apartment, tension crackled like static as a 31-year-old man scrambled to find his glasses, his only means to drive to his dying father’s hospital bedside. His fiancée, dressed for her cousin’s wedding, had other plans, sparking a clash that turned a routine day into a raw betrayal. With his father battling lung cancer, the man’s loyalty was tested, and what he uncovered about his partner’s actions left him reeling.

The discovery of her deception wasn’t just a personal slight—it was a deliberate move to prioritize a party over a family crisis. His frustration boiled over into a heated confrontation, shaking their engagement to its core. The Reddit community dove into the fray, dissecting the couple’s clash and questioning where love ends and manipulation begins.

‘AITA For yelling at my fiancèe after she hid my glasses?’

Me M31 and my fiancee F26 have been together for 2.5 years. Engaged for 4 months. We currently live together in an apartment an hour away from the hospital where my dad is staying. He has Lung Cancer, his condition hasn't been improving and I been visiting him and my family whenever I can to see if they need anything from me.

My fiancee's cousin's wedding was yesterday. I don't like attending weddings and large ocassions especially now that my dad is struggling so I'm not really in the mood. But I decided to go anyway since my fiancee insisted.But I got a call from my mom wanting my help at the hospital.

My fiancee heard me while I was talking on the phone and threw a fit when I told her that I can't go with her to the wedding because my mom needed me. She argued with me but I told her to have some empathy and realize how much pressure she was putting me under.

I noticed my glasses were missing and without them it was impossible for me to drive. I looked everywhere and I couldn't find them. Although I was certain I left them on the coffee table. I spent nearly an hour looking and I was getting so frustrated.

I didn't have a choice but call my mom back and explain the issue I was dealing and apologize for not coming. Thankfully she said she'd call my sister and the call ended. In exactly 10 minutes after the call ended. My fiancee walked out the bedroom wearing her dress and holding my glasses in her hands telling me to get ready to go to her cousin's wedding.

I was stunned. I knew she hid them because when I asked where she found them she said they were on the nightstand but I looked there and I couldn't find them. I literally yelled at her for pulling this nonsense so that I won't go to the hospital and go with her to the wedding instead.

I told her I won't go after this. And she yelled back and said that my family are treating me like a doormat by constantly asking me to come and taking advantage of me. She said that I should let 'someone' else deal with their never-ending problems and focus on us.

She tried to convince me but i still refused because I was so pissed. I took my glasses and I left immediately. I didn't find her home and I started getting texts from her mom wanting to know what was wrong but I haven't replied to her thinking she'll instantly take her side.

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This apartment showdown reveals how desperation can drive destructive choices. The man’s fiancée, by hiding his glasses, didn’t just inconvenience him—she endangered his ability to support his dying father. Her actions, rooted in wanting his presence at a wedding, crossed into manipulation, undermining trust in their relationship.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in small moments, but betrayal can shatter it instantly” (The Science of Trust). The fiancée’s tactic, per a 2024 study on relational dynamics, aligns with coercive control, seen in 30% of high-conflict partnerships. Her dismissal of his family’s needs prioritized her agenda, a red flag for emotional manipulation.

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The broader issue taps into societal pressures around family obligations versus personal desires. Weddings often carry heavy expectations, but dismissing a partner’s grief over a parent’s illness reflects a lack of empathy. The man’s outburst, while intense, stemmed from betrayal, not malice, as Gottman’s research suggests emotional escalation often follows trust violations.

Moving forward, the couple needs open dialogue to rebuild trust, if possible. The man could calmly set boundaries, emphasizing his family’s priority. Couples counseling, as recommended by experts, might help navigate such conflicts.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users strongly backed the man, condemning his fiancée’s manipulative act of hiding his glasses as immature and selfish. They viewed her prioritization of a wedding over his father’s critical condition as a profound lack of empathy, with many urging him to reconsider the relationship.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Your dad is dying of cancer and she did this when your mother needed you? Dump her. She has some SERIOUS issues. Don’t let this slide or something worse will happen. Edit: Wow thank you for the awards! I just made a Reddit account today so this is a nice surprise!

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ahrithritis - NTA. She *stole* your glasses from you for attention for an event while your father is struggling and your family is asking for your help. Even IF your family was treating you like a doormat (which it doesn't from how you described it), she should've taken your glasses to prevent you from leaving.

IChooseYouSnorlax - NTA, and you are nuts if you marry this woman.

revanchisto - NTA.. Also, you mean ex-fiancee. Let's make something clear, YOUR DAD IS DYING. He is literally fighting for his life and she prioritizes a wedding over you possibly losing your dad. She clearly has empathy issues and you gotta drop her.

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She literally withheld your glasses to prevent you from helping your family, she used your disability to trap and you manipulate you to do what she wanted.. I'm sorry, but there is no coming back from something like that. Drop her.

[Reddit User] - NTA - hiding your glasses instead of just talking to you is so immature and strange. I know people say this all the time on this sub, but do you really want to marry this girl? She’s actively trying to keep you away from your gravely ill father because it’s inconvenient for her.

PurpleGoatInATutu - Glasses are medical equipment. Taking them and hiding them was abusive. NTA and please leave her.

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terracottatilefish - ESH.. Your fiancée is a total AH for hiding your glasses, no doubt. That was petty and poor communication. On the other hand, it kind of sounds like you didn’t really want to go to this wedding, which was clearly important to your fiancée,

and seized the opportunity to back out when your mother called. Your mother found a backup very quickly when you told her you couldn’t help. My dad died of lung cancer last year and of course I wanted to spend time with him and with my family,

but there are few emergencies in the hospital that family needs to rush over for. You don’t say what your mom needed you for, but if it was “come sit with your father while I go home and nap” or “hey, can you bring me a new charger” then yeah,

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you’re kind of an AH for insisting on putting that ahead of spending a couple of hours at a wedding that’s important to your fiancée. If you guys are going to get married, which seems increasingly in doubt, you’re going to have to communicate better.

Thraner - Info: do you frequently bail on things with her? Had you previously told her you’d attend/RSVP’ed?

AlexOwla2000 - NTA - she should have talked to you instead of playing stupid games, very immature to act like that and very selfish. Firstly, your dad takes priority over a wedding for you and that’s fine,

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she shouldn’t be controlling that especially as she could still attend. And second, who takes someone’s glasses? It feels like a massive i**asion of your rights, I’d be so upset if someone did that to me.

Ryan_Icey - NTA. So I also wear glasses (as a recommendation, if you DO decide to stay with her, do yourself a favor and get yourself a second pair and hide them in your vehicle), and these are medically prescribed. I have my own doctor for my eyes and everything..

So to me, my glasses are to a degree similar to someone taking medicine to function. Without my glasses, it's incredibly hard to function, to the point where death isn't really that far of a stretch if I lost them.

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So is the same with heart medicine or something (stretching it a bit, I know intake medicine works literally to keep you alive, whereas glasses work literally to allow me to function, but it's a similar enough concept.)

So imagine if she stole your medicine you needed to take daily to keep you alive in order to get you to do what she wants. Don't view your glasses as just something that lets you see, these are things that literally help keep you alive!

She literally stole something from you that helps keep you alive JUST so you'd do what she wanted.. Again, I know I'm stretching a few things, but the jump STILL isn't that far. Protect yourself from her.

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A minority suggested both could have communicated better, noting his reluctance to attend the wedding may have fueled her desperation. However, the consensus was clear: her actions were unjustifiable, especially given the gravity of his father’s illness.

This glasses-hiding fiasco steers us into the murky waters of trust and loyalty. The man’s outburst was a raw response to a calculated betrayal, highlighting the fragility of relationships under pressure. His fiancée’s choice cost more than a missed wedding—it risked their future together. How would you react if a partner sabotaged your priorities? Share your thoughts below.

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