AITA for yelling at my BIL when I caught him with my phone?

The living room felt like a minefield, every step threatening to detonate family tensions. For a 17-year-old girl, the simple act of making coffee turned into a battle for privacy when she caught her brother-in-law, a 37-year-old guest in her home, scrolling through her phone. His audacity—ignoring her protests and questioning her Reddit posts—lit a fuse, sparking a confrontation that left her reeling with fear of family judgment.

This isn’t just about a phone; it’s about a young woman fighting to protect her personal space from an overbearing relative who’s already crossed lines by rummaging through her room. The silence from her family the next morning only amplifies her anxiety: will her brother-in-law twist the narrative to paint her as the villain? Readers can feel the sting of her dilemma, caught between defending her boundaries and dreading the fallout.

‘AITA for yelling at my BIL when I caught him with my phone?’

My F17 Brother in law M37 (sister's husband) has been staying with us for a while now, and has been a total jerk the whole time. Makes n**ty comments, picks up on me whenever he gets the chance, invades my privacy :

for instance he once walked into my room and started searching for a charger and he basically went through every drawer, I got pissed and told him it was not okay to just walk in to my room and snoop around, he acted like nothing happened, told me i was overreacting, took the charger WITHOUT ASKING and casually walked out.

Yesterday, I was in the kitchen making myself a cup of coffee, I left my phone on the couch, he was watching tv, and when I came back I saw my phone in his hand, I said 'what are you doing with my phone' and he ignored me and kept looking at it.

I lost it, I walked over to him and snatched it outta his hand, i told him this is personal stuff, don't ever touch my phone again.. He stared at me for a few seconds, and asked me 'are you posting s**t about me online?'.

I was stunned, my reddit app was open so he must've read the posts.. I was speechless, Then i told him he has no right to look at me phone, that's personal stuff. He told me he was gonna tell my sister, I ran to my room, thinking I'm doomed, he saw the stuff i posted about him online now he's gonna tell everyone and they'll see me as the bad guy here for what i did..

I have a password lock now so this won't happen again. This morning, everything seemed normal no one said anything, it's like he hasn't told them yet, But I know he will.. I tried to avoid as much as I could.. Aita for being angry with him using my phone?. Edit: you guys, he does this to everyone else, he walks in any room snooping around.. He is not a creep nor a predator, he's just an a**hole.

This story crackles with the tension of violated boundaries. The teen’s outrage at her brother-in-law’s phone snooping is justified—his actions scream disrespect, especially after he already rummaged through her room. While she fears family backlash, his threat to “tell her sister” suggests a power play to silence her. His behavior, paired with her clarification that he’s “not a creep, just an a**hole,” points to a pattern of overstepping rather than predatory intent, but it’s no less invasive.

Privacy violations erode trust, especially in family settings. A 2023 Pew Research study (Pew Research) found that 82% of teens view digital privacy as a top concern, often clashing with adults who dismiss their boundaries. Here, the age and power gap between a 17-year-old and a 37-year-old amplifies the issue.

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Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist and author of Untangled (available at Random House), states, “Teens need safe spaces to express themselves, online and off, without fear of judgment.” The brother-in-law’s snooping violates this, undermining the teen’s autonomy. His reading her Reddit posts—likely venting about his behavior—feels like a double betrayal.

The teen should proactively tell her sister and parents, framing it as discomfort with his repeated boundary violations, not just the phone incident. Documenting his actions, as Reddit suggests, can strengthen her case. Resources like Common Sense Media (Common Sense) offer tips on digital privacy for teens.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit posse didn’t mince words, dishing out a fiery mix of support and strategic shade for this teen’s privacy battle. From urging her to spill the tea to her family to warning about potential creep vibes, the comments are a wild ride of righteous indignation. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

UrHumbleNarr8or − NTA that is pretty wild. Just tell your sister and get it over with do he has nothing to hold over your head. Unless you are doxxing him, you are allowed to write whatever you want about him. Just complaining about your BIL online is not a crime.

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idiotcentral − NTA. Dude sounds like a creep, especially given the age gap, and your anger is definitely justified. I'm assuming he said that he'd tell your sister so that you won't say tell the rest of your family about how he's violating your privacy.

I would call him out, let your parents know and let your sis know that you are uncomfortable because he snooped on your phone. You should also being up the fact that he barged into your room,

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and that he took your stuff without permission. You could've been changing for Pete's sake. Maybe mention that you aren't comfortable that a guy 20 years your senior is barging into your private space too.

Demonslugg − NTA it almost sounds like hes a predator. You need to document everything. Worst case you get cps involved. Explain to your parents whats going on. This is not ok on any level. Money says he was looking for nudes on your phone. Also you should make sure nothing is missing from your drawers or room.

Snowball-in-heck − NTA. How nuclear are you willing to go? A 'fun' question at dinnertime would be 'sis, why was your husband snooping in my underwear drawer?'

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JudgementalSyrup − NTA um I might get flamed for saying this but if you are underage and he’s looking through your dresser, I assume you keep your underwear in there you should tell an adult, he might be a creep.

sparkie1987 − NTA the charger story sounds like a prologue for a really shifty porn tbh and predatory. This almost sounds like extreme negging. Definitely call his behavior out. You could go nuclear and apologize to your sister at dinner and when she doesn't get why you're apologizing, feign ignorance and tell her you thought BIL told her.

Go on to say you were apologizing for writing about him online and then look him in the eye and say that you thought she knew about the phone incident. And then f**k s**t up and spill the tea.

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Or ask him for your phone charger back and say it's been missing and you wonder if he took it because of that one time he let himself in your room. No matter what, look him in the eye when you are throwing him under the bus. Don't let him continue to behave this way towards you.

TheTokenBon − NTA. Being angry is a reasonable reaction in that circumstance. Even if you don't have anything to hide in the phone, as you said it is YOUR personal belongings. Nobody has the right to go through or take your things without permission.. I would like to think your sister would understand and side with you if it did come up.

kapadravya − NTA; this is a complete violation of privacy and personal space. this man clearly has no respect for you and it makes me furious.

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SourNotesRockHardAbs − NTA. Of course he isn't going to tell anybody. What would he say? 'I'm such an a**hole to my underage SIL that she's forced to vent about it online'? There's no way he looks good in this.

izaboop − NTA, and he sounds like an actual creep. As in if this type of man was in my house my dad wouldn’t hesitate to boot him out of the family home and never allow him back in. Besides the severe i**asion of privacy, going through a 17 year old girls room, especially as an older male relative (brother in law makes it worse imo) is creepy and worrying.

You seriously need to talk to your sister about his behaviour, I suspect she’ll be disgusted by his creepy behaviour towards her young sister... Also inform your parent(s) immediately.

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Make sure you express how uncomfortable it’s made you feel, avoid being in the same room as him and lock your room whenever you’re in it or not in it.. Sorry you have to deal with this disgusting behaviour from a brother in law.

These Redditors cheered the teen’s bold stand, slamming her brother-in-law’s nerve and brainstorming ways to outmaneuver him. Some saw red flags in his drawer-digging, while others advised a preemptive strike to neutralize his threat. But do these fiery takes fully grasp the family dynamics at play, or are they just tossing gasoline on the drama?

This tale lays bare the raw struggle of a teen fighting for her personal space in a house turned hostile. Her brother-in-law’s snooping wasn’t just a violation—it was a power grab that left her scrambling to protect her voice. Her story sparks a bigger question about how young people can carve out safe spaces when adults overstep. Have you ever had to defend your privacy against someone who just didn’t get it? Drop your thoughts below.

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