AITA for yelling at at my parents because they let me go I do debt?

In a sleek Silicon Valley dining room, tension crackles like static electricity. A young grad, fresh from UT Austin’s computer science program, sits across from their high-earning parents, whose sharp words cut deeper than any student loan bill. They’ve just lost their job, and with $65,000 in debt looming, the dinner table becomes a battleground. Why? Their parents, flush with cash, never paid a cent for college, deeming their child “unworthy” while praising a friend’s Ivy League success.

This clash isn’t just about money—it’s about unmet expectations and bruised pride. Readers, you might feel the sting of being measured against an impossible standard. How does a young adult navigate parental judgment when the stakes are this high? Let’s dive into this Reddit saga and unpack the drama.

‘AITA for yelling at at my parents because they let me go I do debt?’

My parents are both senior level software engineers at a 'fruit' company. They have a combined income of over $650k per year and own multiple investment properties, but they never spent a dime on my college, as I wasn't 'deserving of their hard earned money.'

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As is the case with many Asian parents, they love to compare me to my best friend from high school who got into 6/7 of the Ivies he applied to and is currently attending Stanford medical school. Meanwhile, I'm a failure and an embarrassment for 'only' getting into UT Austin..

I graduated in spring 2020 and moved back in with my parents. I managed to land a SWE job with a small company after 4 months of stressful job hunting. Unfortunately, my company was bought by a larger company 2 months ago, and I was let go since I was one of the newer hires at my company..

During dinner I said that I was really stressed because I've so far sent 200+ job applications with no responses and still have over $65k in loans to pay off. Mom made a snarky comment about how I must've done something wrong if I was fired after less than a year on the job.

Dad chimed in saying that I would've gotten responses if my GPA was higher (for reference it's a 3.4). Then he said 'Look at \[best friend's name\]. He will make so much money once he graduates. I wish he was my son.'.

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​I then blew up at them, saying that normal parents would feel proud of their son for getting into UT Austin, graduating on time with a 3.4 GPA in CS doesn't mean that I'm a failure, I would've gotten a higher GPA if I didn't have to work 30-40 hours a week to afford rent and food, \[best friend's name\] graduated magna c** laude because he could focus only on schoolwork as his parents paid for everything (food, rent, and tuition),

and I could've graduated with honors too if I received the same kind of the support he did, and that they were scumbags because they had the ability to support me but chose not to.. ​I then grabbed some stuff and asked a different friend if I could crash at his place for a while. I'm there right now, and I told him what went down. He says that he sympathizes with me but he thinks that calling my parents scumbags was a little too much.

This family dinner turned into a pressure cooker, with the original poster (OP) caught between financial strain and parental disdain. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Criticism is a wish disguised as a complaint” (Gottman Institute). Here, the parents’ harsh comparisons mask their desire for their child’s success—but their delivery is a masterclass in miscommunication.

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The OP’s outburst reflects a deeper issue: conditional parental support. While they’re not entitled to financial aid, the parents’ wealth and refusal to help amplify the sting of their criticism. Cultural expectations, especially in some Asian families, often tie worth to academic prestige, leaving the OP feeling like a second-class citizen in their own home.

This scenario mirrors a broader issue—parental pressure in the face of rising education costs. In 2023, U.S. student debt hit $1.7 trillion (Federal Reserve). The OP’s $65,000 debt, coupled with job loss, is a heavy load without emotional support. Counseling, as suggested by commenters, could help the OP set boundaries and process this dynamic.

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For solutions, the OP might consider job placement agencies specializing in tech, like Robert Half, to rebound quickly. Open communication—calmly addressing their parents’ expectations—could also pave the way for mutual understanding, though it’s a tough road.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s hot takes are as spicy as that dinner table showdown! Here’s what the community had to say:

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verminousbow − NTA. Your college aid was based off their income. You had to pay more because of them. Especially if they could've afford it it's so wrong to not at least help.

DaisyInc − NTA with the understanding that you meant it as they are unreasonable to complain about something they could easily change had they supported you more, and not that you think you're entitled to being funded through college (you aren't).

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Parents like that will never change. You'll never be good enough for them. Any chance you can make your moving out permanent? It sounds like you'll be happier and healthier away from them.

capmanor1755 − NTA. There are plenty of parents who can't or don't pay for kids college, and there are parents who are emotionally abusive assholes. Your parents happen to be both. The college debt is just the pointy tip of a bigger problem.

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You can pay off that debt- you had some bad luck in that first job but with a CSE degree from UT you're going to do great. Shaking off the lifetime of dismissive comments, belittling insults and emotionally twisted s**t? That's gonna take some counseling. Focus on getting your next job (see askamanager.com for spectacular advice.) After you're settled in, use your EAP to find a family counselor.

LadyLightTravel − “In another family you would be greatly cherished.” I had a friend say this to me once, and knew it to be true. It is the same for you. Your parents are blind and can’t see the truth. They only see one small scenario of success when there are thousands! Finishing at UT Austin is an accomplishment.

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It hurts badly when all they see are defects instead of accomplishments. BTW, I worked my way through school (EE) and my GPA wasn’t near yours. I had a great career of over 30 years in aerospace. From one STEM to another - you’ll do well. Really.. NTA

GuyverIV − So, you basically had to fund your own education through a solid State University.. You did this with loans and working nearly full-time, as well as dealing with a medical emergency without insurance? With all that stress you graduated on time with a solid GPA in the middle of a pandemic,

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and still found a position during the downturn, am I reading this right?. All the while, your family was adding to the situation. I'm sorry your parents don't understand, that they only seem to think being 'tough' on you relentlessly is the only way to 'parent,' my S.O. has the exact same thing with their parents,

not a single 'you did good,' always a comparison to others who did 'better' in some way, I'm amazed at what they put up with. For what it's worth, this random Internet dad would be proud of what you've done, what you have persevered through.. Good job, and keep it up, you can do it.. NTA

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MiguelSanchezEsq − How did you end up with $65k in loans with a full time job at a state school?. ​. 'I wish he was my son'. wtf man NTA x 1000

Top-Noise5959 − NTA. Just FYI, as an Asian who's living in Asia, atleast now you don't have the obligation to take care of them in old age, as they only cared for you during the obligated term.

Goateed_Chocolate − Ugh, that's horrible. When I was 15/16, my mum tried to 'motivate' me by telling me that one of my friends at the time (who got higher grades than me) was an all-round better person than me. Just made me miserable for weeks. A lot of time has passed since then and when she comments on my life nowadays I just reply 'Well, if I'd had better parenting I'd be a brain surgeon right now.'. Life's tough enough without your parents piling in. NTA

CultOfTheHelixFossil − NTA. Respect certainly needs to be earned, not given freely to someone just for being a parent, and it sounds like your parents do not respect you, your accomplishments, and the difficulties you face that they may or may not have had.

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They are certainly not required to fund your college education so they're not assholes for that necessarily, but by judging you against opportunities others have received that they could've given you, they are certainly being assholes and disrespecting you.

After time has past it would definitely be smart to talk to your parents more levelheadedly about their comments, their misunderstanding of the current job market and how unhelpful they are being. If they choose not to listen and continue to mock you, it is not your job to make them feel good about themselves.

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lovebeinganasshole − NTA. Your parents are dicks. You aren’t entitled to their money but they aren’t entitled to berate you.. Also get yourself to a placement agency that specializes in tech.

These opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture? The internet loves a good roast, yet real-world family dynamics are rarely so black-and-white.

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This tale of debt and family friction hits home for anyone who’s felt dwarfed by parental expectations. The OP’s journey—from grinding through college to facing unemployment—deserves applause, not shade. What would you do if your family’s criticism overshadowed your achievements? Share your thoughts below—have you ever clashed over money or expectations? Let’s keep the conversation going!

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