AITA for withdrawing the monetary support I was offering for my nephew’s medical bills to give it to my partner’s niece and nephew?

The sterile glow of a hospital waiting room haunts a family’s dreams, but for one person, it’s a call to action. With their partner’s sister lost to COVID-19 and her husband teetering on the edge, two teens face a future unmoored. Stepping up, they plan to take in the kids, but that means redirecting funds once sent to a sister’s sick son. A tough choice, born of necessity, not cruelty, now fractures family ties.

The sister’s screams of betrayal echo, branding them a “monster” for prioritizing “strangers” over her child’s life-saving care. Parents, too, have turned away, leaving them questioning their moral compass. Is this shift in support a heartless abandonment or a desperate bid to save two grieving teens? Let’s dive into this gut-wrenching saga of loyalty, loss, and impossible choices.

‘AITA for withdrawing the monetary support I was offering for my nephew’s medical bills to give it to my partner’s niece and nephew?’

A family’s financial lifeline unraveled when tragedy forced a painful decision. Here’s the story, straight from Reddit:

My sister has been dependent on financial help from our family for years. She got pregnant in college. The baby was born with severe issues. She dropped out and is drowning in very expensive medical bills in low-paying jobs, she’s a single mother with no child-support. We are not close. I send her a sort of monthly allowance to help out, but only to make my parents happy.

Until now I could afford it, I have an excellent job, I don’t pay rent/mortgage as I live with my partner and I have little expenses. But 2020 ended up hitting my p. as well: his older sister’s family (Sister, husband, and 16F and 15M) got infected with Covid. The kids got it easy, the adults didn’t, and last week my p.’s sister died.

The husband is in very critical conditions and the doctors said to “get prepared”. My p. told me that he won’t let 16F and 15M go into foster care. Fair. So yesterday I went to my parents’ house (where sister lives) to explain them this new situation, and I told them that in the very likely possibility the two end up with my p.

I will no longer be able to support my sister – my p. lives on a teacher paycheck and has his own medical bills, it is no brainer that I will need help a lot, considering that I make a lot more. She took it badly. She started screaming, saying how she knew I am monster without morality or humanity, that I am a horrible sister for choosing the comfort of two teens I don’t even know over the life of her son.

In her opinion it is better for them to go into foster care for 2 years and then 16F adopting 15M out because it will not be as damaging as her son not having my help. She also says that it is heartless that I plan on spending thousands on non-necessary things (therapists and other things I am keeping in consideration) when her son needs medications.

But paying only for clothes and food won’t work. I told them that for me therapy, for ex, is very necessary. Even in my best periods I keep paying the old b**tard to be my emotional trashcan, let alone now. I am diagnosed with ASPD and NPD for those who are wondering. I will need to intensify my own sessions, pay for those of the two, maybe for communal sessions. This won’t work without therapy.

We will also need to furnish the space the two will stay in (their parents rented in another city) and other necessities. I don’t even *know* how much it can all cost, only that my spare money may be massively cut for a while. My parents asked me to leave, and later sent me a long message telling me that they know what I am and that I don’t understand many things.

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But if chose to abandon my nephew and his needs in favor of the comfort of strangers they have to stick with my sister, and so to cut our relationship for a while. I said whatever.. Is my choice as wrong as they make it sound? A neutral opinion may be interesting to hear.

A sister’s scream and a parent’s rebuke mark this agonizing pivot from one child’s medical needs to two teens’ survival. The poster, balancing their own mental health challenges (ASPD, NPD), faces a sister reliant on their aid for her son’s care. But with their partner’s niece and nephew facing orphanhood, they prioritize therapy and stability for them, sparking accusations of cruelty.

Family financial support often breeds tension. A 2023 study from the Journal of Family Issues found 54% of families face conflicts over unequal aid distribution (Source). The sister’s dependence, while understandable, doesn’t obligate eternal support.

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Psychologist Dr. Pauline Boss says, “Ambiguous loss, like impending orphanhood, demands practical and emotional intervention” (Source). Therapy for the teens is critical, not a luxury, given their trauma. The poster could explore state aid options for their sister while setting firm boundaries. A mediated family discussion might clarify priorities.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s got a fiery mix on this family fallout, from cheers for prioritizing the teens to shade at the sister’s entitlement. Here’s the community’s pulse:

[Reddit User] − NTA. If your parents and sister think the kid needs your support that badly, perhaps they should be figuring out their own s**t and financing the kid themselves.

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Initial_Abies3906 − NTA you are not required to give money to family and the fact that your own parents are calling you a monster for not being able to continue to support your sister kinda shows that they only wanted your money. I'd cut contact with them and focus on your partner and those teenagers- who will appreciate and love you more than the leeches you've been supporting so far anyway.

ppppandapants − NTA. What a horrible situation you’re in. You need to do what YOU think is best, not what your sister thinks is best.. Info: what country are you in? Is there a way sister can apply for government assistance or SNAP benefits??

CandylandCanada − NTA. You helped when you could, and now your family converted that generosity into an obligation. Your sister and parents should have foreseen that your support might come to an end one day whether by choice or not. Now that day is here. Their response is appallingly ungrateful, but now you know who they are, which is people who have no pity for someone in a worse situation.

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Nebsy_Websy − NTA. It was nice that you helped when you could but now they’re just using you. Your under no obligation to keep helping your sister at the cost of your own well being (or at all after how they treat you). They had all this time to sort their own finances but they chose to abuse your kindness, thats on them.. These teens need you more now.

[Reddit User] − NTA although I think you really need r/advice or r/relationship_advice. Obviously you have to do what’s best for your family and circumstances change.

That said, Your sister is understandably upset and scared - even though she wasn’t entitled your money, you gave it to her for years and you’re taking away income she’s relied on for her sick child. The only reason I’m calling her an a**hole is for the complete lack of sympathy for your partner’s minor niece and nephew

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Flippn_Freddy − NTA. Your sister needs to step up and be a better parent. She is relying on everyone else to fund her life forever. She has to be cut off at someone point. She can file for child support and get state assistance but your wallet cannot be her go to for expenses.

Im terribly sorry about your partners family. You two are are doing the best you can to prepare to take on the two kids. They will need to come.first now if you become their guardians , and that is perfectly alright.

Shazaaym − Big NTA. And you're the one with ASPD and NPD?! Well if your diagnosis is correct, I don't think you have to look very far to see how they might have developed.

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Of course you're doing the right thing by those kids. Your nephew has his mother and grandparents, these children only have you and your partner. Best of luck to you both.

Ssshushpup23 − NTA you’re under no obligation to support your sister period. Especially at the cost of your own household doing without. Does it suck for Nephew? Absolutely. But it’s not your job and is definitely your choice.

Chef73 − NTA. Those kids may not be their family, but they are your family. This may get deleted, but I don't care, it has to be said. This is why our healthcare system is so bad. That you could have a child get sick and it destroys you financially for the foreseeable future is b**baric.

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These Reddit zingers are raw, but do they untangle the ethics of this impossible choice? Is it heartless or heroic to shift support?

This tale of redirected funds and fractured bonds lays bare the agony of choosing between a nephew’s health and two teens’ future. The poster’s decision, steeped in necessity, cost them their family’s trust, leaving them adrift. Should they stand firm or seek reconciliation? If you had to pick between loved ones in need, how would you decide? Share your thoughts and let’s wrestle with this heart-heavy dilemma!

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