AITA for withdrawing my offer to supervise a student on her internship after realizing I knew her?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet office bathed in soft morning light, a young professional sifts through emails, her coffee steaming beside a neatly organized desk. Then, a name pops up—one that drags her back to the fluorescent-lit hallways of high school, where cruel taunts once echoed. This woman, now in her late twenties, faces a dilemma: supervise a former bully for a university internship or protect her peace. The decision stirs a whirlwind of emotions, blending past pain with present-day professionalism.

The choice isn’t simple. Old wounds clash with workplace ethics, and a flurry of angry texts from the student only muddies the waters. Readers can’t help but wonder: should she set aside her trauma to help someone who once made her life miserable, or is standing her ground the right call?

‘AITA for withdrawing my offer to supervise a student on her internship after realizing I knew her?’

I (female, late twenties) grew up in a small city, where I also went to uni and where I started working after graduation. I have been supervising students from the university on their clinical placements for a few years now, with no issues. A couple of months ago, I was once again contacted by the university to check if I'd be able to supervise a student this semester.

I said yes and, as usual, I was told we'd get each other's contact info closer to the start of the internship so we could work out the details. The issue was that, last week, when I got the student's info, I realized that I knew her and that she was my middle school/high school bully.

I'd heard through the grapevine that she had started on the same program I had been in (she had been working in some other field and done a career change), but I didn't anticipate, perhaps wrongly, that I might end up supervising her.

When I received her contact info, I emailed the school saying I knew this student personally and therefore thought it might not be the best idea for me to supervise them. Although I haven't spoken to her in years, I saw it as a potential liability if her internship didn't go well and, in all honesty, also didn't want to have to deal with her and relive the traumatic experiences from my teenage years.

The school wrote back to say that they understood and would try to place the student elsewhere. A couple of days later, I was told that, due to Covid, they were struggling to find another placement and that the student was okay with me supervising them if I was okay with it too. The issue is... I'm not, and I told them so, which was the end of it.

However, the student called me on my personal phone (which she has from back when) to beg me to take her in because she hasn't been able to get an internship anywhere else and without it she will not graduate on time (this is not her final internship, but it will still set her back one semester).

I told her I didn't think it was appropriate and she said that we hadn't spoken to each other for years and what I was doing to her wasn't fair. I stayed firm in my position and we hung up; afterwards, she sent me a bunch of really angry texts,

including one where she said 'this is why no one liked you in high school', but eventually she went back to pleading. I never responded, but now I'm starting to feel bad, wondering if maybe I'm an a**hole for not taking her in. Am I?

Navigating past trauma in a professional setting is like walking a tightrope over a pool of piranhas. The OP’s decision to decline supervising her former bully reflects a keen awareness of personal boundaries and workplace ethics. According to Dr. Amy Cooper, a clinical psychologist specializing in workplace dynamics, “Past trauma can significantly impact professional relationships, especially in supervisory roles where power dynamics are at play” (Psychology Today). The OP’s hesitation stems from a valid concern: supervising someone with a history of personal conflict could compromise objectivity, especially if the internship goes south.

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The broader issue here touches on workplace boundaries and the lingering effects of bullying. Studies show that 60% of adults report long-term emotional impacts from childhood bullying (National Bullying Prevention Center). The OP’s choice to prioritize her mental health over the student’s academic needs highlights a common struggle: balancing personal well-being with professional obligations. The student’s aggressive texts, including a jab about high school, only reinforce the OP’s instincts—she hasn’t changed much.

Dr. Cooper advises, “Setting boundaries doesn’t mean holding grudges; it’s about protecting your ability to function effectively.” For the OP, this means avoiding a role where past trauma could cloud judgment. A solution? The university should prioritize alternative placements, even if it delays the student’s graduation. If harassment persists, documenting and reporting it ensures accountability without escalating personal conflict. This approach keeps the focus on professionalism while inviting readers to reflect on similar experiences.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a spicy mix of support and shade for the OP’s dilemma. It’s like a virtual coffee shop debate, with opinions as bold as a double espresso. Here’s what the community had to say:

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bisforbnaynay − Nta. The unprofessional texts serve only to confirm it. Karma's a b**ch.

[Reddit User] − NTA. This girl clearly has the emotional intelligence of a stick of butter. In your place I *might* have at least considered supervising her if I'd gotten a sincere apology for what happened in high school, but that doesn't even seem to have occurred to her. Throwing it in your face and then going back to pleading is particularly baffling.

WinterLily86 − NTA, and show those messages to your supervisor or whoever so they can be fully appraised as to why you're not comfortable supervising her. If this is what she's willing to do when you *might* not help her, what would she do if you gave a less than glowing report of her progress? It's not worth it.

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CoolStuffSlickStuff − NTA - you're following best practices. and with her s**tty text she has shown that she has not grown beyond being a bully and can't even be nice to somebody even when the chips are down and she needs a favor.

Evil_Mel − she sent me a bunch of really angry texts, including one where she said 'this is why no one liked you in high school' This is exactly why you need to be firm in your 'No'. In fact, if she keeps harassing you, I'd call the University and let them know,

maybe even email them the messages. Her behavior is inappropriate and completely unprofessional. Your decision to not supervise her was the right one, as I can see if it doesn't go well, she'd try to ruin you.. Edit - forgot judgment NTA

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Own-Tradition6295 − NTA, you did everything professionally and above board. You do not need to sacrifice your past hurtful history to assist her in graduating. The University is correct she can be ok with you,

but you also have the right to not be ok with her in a supervisory role. Pass the texts along to your University so they have this on record just in case as her behaviour shows she will escalate this. Document everything and do not feel bad.

[Reddit User] − NTA - honesty, I'm pretty shocked she contacted you on your personal phone, and the fact she brought your school years into this means she knows exactly what the issue is. I'd also let her course know she contacted you btw...they'll should speak to her before she does an internship in the future.

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pixierambling − Shes still a bully and terribly unprofessional. Dont risk your position by having her as an intern. This is something that the school needs to deal with, not you. And honestly, I would let them know of the last texts she sent to you. You were a potential supervisor and yet she still acted like this.

This is a clinical placement. Im assuming that this is a mental health related field? I wouldnt want her anywhere near me or my clients!! NTA. Tell the school bout her behaviour. You need not go into detail about the high school bullying. This instance is enough to not want to be anywhere near her

Melissah246 − NTA it is totally understandable to not want to work with someone that made your life miserable. You are also correct it could be a conflict of interest. Finally based on those texts it doesn't seem like she has changed much.

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quiet0n3 − NTA. .you can tell from the texts you're making the right call.

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, praising her professionalism while roasting the student’s unprofessional texts. Some saw the student’s behavior as proof she hasn’t outgrown her bully days, while others urged reporting her to the university. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

The OP’s story is a stark reminder that the past can sneak into the present, forcing tough choices between empathy and self-preservation. By standing firm, she chose her mental health and professional integrity over a risky obligation. Yet, the student’s desperate pleas raise questions about second chances. What would you do if faced with a similar situation? Share your thoughts—have you ever had to confront a past bully in a professional setting, and how did you handle it?

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