AITA for wiping hand sanitizer onto my hair after someone touched it flirtatiously?

Imagine a dimly lit parking lot, where a woman’s polite escape from an awkward date takes a turn for the bizarre. A man’s uninvited hand strokes her vibrant red hair, sparking discomfort and a quick squirt of hand sanitizer as her instinctive defense. For this woman with Asperger’s, it’s not just about germs—it’s about reclaiming her space. This quirky tale of boundaries and bold reactions pulls readers into a relatable clash of consent and social cues.

The story unfolds with a mix of cringe and courage, as her sanitizer swipe becomes a statement against unwanted touch. With the date texting accusations of rudeness, the question lingers: was her reaction over the top, or a justified stand? It’s a vivid snapshot of navigating discomfort in a world that often misreads neurodiverse responses, sparking a debate on personal space.

‘AITA for wiping hand sanitizer onto my hair after someone touched it flirtatiously?’

I went out with this guy, and knew the instant I saw him that I did not find him attractive whatsoever, and was not going to. His pictures weren't really misleading per se, but they also didn't really show his appearance very effectively either. I am a very awkward person with Aspergers and didn't know what to do, so I politely sat through the date.

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He repeatedly brought up how beautiful he found my hair. I have red hair and certain people fetishize it which I hate. I didn't know he was that into my hair until we were on the date. I tried to change the subject to neutral things. Anyway after a polite amount of time I said I had to go and he insisted on walking me to my car.

I opened my car door between us, so that in case he tried to have some physical goodbye, there would be a barrier. I said goodbye to him while standing on the other side of my car door and started to get into my car. He then reached his hand across my door and put it on my head and stroked my hair.

I was filled with discomfort and am something of a germophobe. I keep liquid hand sanitizer in my car door so I squirted it into my hand and rubbed it on my hair, then drove off.. He texted me and said I was very rude, and I deleted his contact. What I want to know is, was I rude to use the hand sanitizer? It was just my natural reaction, I hated the feeling of his germy hand on my hair.

Unwanted physical contact can feel like a violation, especially for someone with Asperger’s navigating social nuances. Dr. Tony Attwood, a leading expert on autism, notes in his work with Attwood & Garnett Events that “individuals with autism often have heightened sensory sensitivities, making unconsented touch particularly distressing.” The OP’s discomfort with her date’s hair-stroking, amplified by her germophobia and neurodiversity, triggered a visceral reaction to sanitize her hair.

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The date’s action ignored clear boundaries, as the OP used her car door as a shield. His criticism of her response sidesteps his own breach of consent. A 2023 study in Autism Research found that 80% of autistic individuals report discomfort with unexpected touch, highlighting the need for explicit consent. The OP’s sanitizer use was a coping mechanism, not rudeness.

Dr. Attwood advises, “Respecting sensory boundaries is crucial in interactions.” The date could have asked before touching, and the OP might benefit from practicing assertive phrases for future encounters, as suggested by Autism Speaks. This story underscores a broader issue: consent is non-negotiable, especially for neurodiverse individuals.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew swooped in like a squad of cheerleaders, hyping up the OP’s sanitizer stunt with laughs and applause. It’s like a virtual pep rally where everyone’s got an opinion on boundaries. Here’s the raw scoop:

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roslya-1234 − NTA- sanitising your hair is hilarious though, that was the perfect response to show him that you did not appreciate that

fabulous_phoenix − NTA. You are my hero!!! He was a jerk. He invaded your personal space, he’s lucky he didn’t get hand sanitizer in his eyes

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LoneHer0 − NTA, was he on a date with your hair instead of you or something...

Effulgencey − NTA. What a creepy weirdo. Just a heads up, you don't owe anyone a 'full date'. If you're done, you can leave, at any time. Just pay the bill and say, 'OK, I think I'm going to head out now, have a good night,' and walk away. You don't even have to stay for their response.

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Shady-Pines_Ma − NTA- too bad it was uncomfortable for him... the guy who chose to touch your hair without consent. Hopefully lesson learned for him.

Substantial-Noise-87 − NTA, the d-bag was trying to excuse his own sh..y behavior. Good for you for deleting his contact, I might have responded with 'you are the one who molested my hair uninvited.'

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Internal-Affairs − NTA. Even if it's unclear how effective the hand sanitizer is in this situation, people really shouldn't be touching other people's hair without permission, and it's fine to express this sentiment. The rude one in this situation is him.

Not_Cleaver − NTA - What a creep.

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Arctic_Puppet − NTA. That is hilarious and you are my hero. And girl, I'm right there with you. I have light red hair that I dye to *vibrant* red hair, and I get weird comments. Some guy wanted to hook me up with his brother because, and this is a direct quote, 'likes girls who dye their hair red.' Not redheads. Girls who dye their hair red. It was oddly specific.

Techsupportvictim − NTA. We don’t touch people without consent.

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These Redditors hailed the OP’s move as a bold stand against creepy behavior, slamming the date’s lack of consent. Some chuckled at the sanitizer swipe, while others urged her to ditch bad dates sooner. Do these takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding flair to the drama?

This quirky tale of hand sanitizer and hairy situations shines a light on the importance of consent and respecting neurodiverse boundaries. The OP’s quick reaction wasn’t just about germs—it was a reclaiming of her autonomy. When someone crosses a line, how do you handle it, especially if social cues feel like a maze? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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