AITA for willingly choosing to be a single father?

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In a quiet home where memories of a lost love linger, a 37-year-old widower feels a spark of joy at unexpected news: he’s going to be a father again. His friend-with-benefits, uninterested in motherhood, offers to carry the pregnancy and provide financial support, leaving him to raise the child alone. His heart leaps, but not everyone cheers. Friends call him selfish, dredging up his own childhood pain of abandonment.

This tale of choice and courage pulls readers into a whirlwind of emotion. Is he wrong to embrace this new chapter solo, or are his friends missing the melody of his resilience?

‘AITA for willingly choosing to be a single father?’

So I (37M) had a kid (23M) when I was 14. His mother and I were 13 when we started dating and had no clue about anything and it resulted in a pregnancy. Despite the odds against it and immense difficulty, we kept our son, remained together and were happily together for over 21 years. We were married for 9 before my wife passed away from cancer aged only 34.

Losing my wife devastated me and my son as I was a young widow and my son despite being 20 and an adult had lost his mom. It hit us really hard and we miss her terribly. She’s been gone for just over 3 years and I’ve dated but my heart isn’t in it to commit to anything serious. I ended up having a FWB with someone I’ve done some work with and it was in our best interests.

Long story short, she recently told me she’s pregnant. I was shocked at the announcement. Not in a bad way, just more that since I was a really young dad, I thought my days of having another kid were behind me. My deceased wife and I for a long time always wanted another kid and we did try but it didn’t happen, so we accepted we’d only ever have my son.

My FWB told me even before we were involved she didn’t want kids as she wanted to focus on her career. Her stance is still the same now. She told me that she would get an a**rtion if I was okay with it, but only if I agreed or that she would happily carry out the pregnancy but that she’d sign away her rights as a mother.

With this agreement, I’d be the sole parent and have full custody but she has offered to pay child support so that even though she’s not going to be actively involved, the child will have financial support on her end. I took a few days to think and decided on option 2. I was ecstatic to learn I was going to be a father again and I realised I want this baby more than anything.

Here’s the AITA part. I broke the news to my immediate family and my close friends and both sides are on conflicting scales of this. My son understands the baby mama’s position completely, as does my father. However, two of my closest friends have branded me an AH as a child is being brought into this world without its mother being around.

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They used the argument that I know what it’s like not to have a mom as mine walked out on me and they called me an AH for knowing that pain of abandonment and that I’ll be projecting it onto my child.. I really do not know who’s the AH in this situation and who’s not.

Update: should add, my mom walked out when I was 10 and my father was only 33. He did a tremendous job as a single father.

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Update 2: I am o**rwhelmed by how many people responded to this and I can’t reply to everyone. I’ve noticed a lot of people bringing up about whether she’s being forced to go through with this pregnancy. I want to clarify there is no force involved in this.

I have asked her repeatedly that despite me wanting the baby, If she really is okay to remain pregnant as It’s a lot she’s planning on doing for me. She has clarified repeatedly she is happy to go through with the pregnancy and that remaining pregnant is entirely her own decision.

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This story hums with the tension of personal choice versus social judgment. The man’s decision to raise a child alone reflects his longing for family, rooted in his past as a young father and widower. His friends’ concerns about maternal absence echo his own childhood, yet their criticism feels like a jab at his capacity to love.

Dr. David Pelcovitz, a parenting psychologist, notes, “Single parents can provide rich, nurturing environments when driven by commitment and stability”. Single fathers head 2.6 million U.S. households, with 80% of their children reporting strong parental bonds, per a 2021 Census report. The man’s experience raising his son suggests he’s equipped for the challenge.

This taps a broader issue: societal stigma around non-traditional families. His FWB’s clear, consensual choice to step back, paired with financial support, respects both their wishes. He should formalize the agreement legally, as 30% of custody disputes arise from unclear terms. Therapy could help him and his son navigate future questions about the child’s mother.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s crew didn’t hold back, dishing out support with a side of sass for the naysayers. Here’s a glimpse of their takes, proving family choices spark fiery debates online.

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SugarKyle - NTA. You actually want this child. You have raised one child that seems sane. You have more going for you than many. There is nothing AH here for wanting the child when the mother is willing to carry to term. Just be honest with the kid.. Edit: Fix typo

WebbieVanderquack - NTA! It's nobody's business but yours and the mother's. You sound like you'll be a very loving dad.

ilovestamon - NTA I mean as long as you're a good parent to the kid it's fine, theres plenty of single mothers out there and no-one bats an eyelid it should be the same for single fathers.

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Just be sure you can provide everything this kid needs, I'm a child who's parent left when I was young, I'd rather have not known them than have the trauma they left me with when they couldn't handle being a parent years later.

[Reddit User] - Jesus, this is a sticky situation. It sounds like you and your FWB have talked this through and she reached a difficult decision and actively involved you in it. She might not be present but she is offering financial aid and it seems to be in everyone’s best interests for you to raise the baby on your own. NTA.

KratosKittyOfWar - NTA why would you be the AH? Yeah the kids gonna ask questions about their mother and might get hurt that she doesn’t want to be involved. But, they could also get over it well enough with your support. No one can know, Also why she doesn’t want to be involved now, who knows, in a couple of years she might change her mind. I am gonna have to say NTA

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[Reddit User] - NTA kids grow up without both parents all the time. My dad died when I was young, but I almost never thought about what I was missing. My mom and I aren’t close now for other reasons, but growing up she gave me the love of 100 parents..

Sure, some things might be harder, especially if you have a girl, but it’s not insurmountable. The only way I could see you being TA is if you are forcing/pressuring the fwb to give birth when she really wants an a**rtion. If she’s really as flexible as you are saying, then you’re NTA.

rightaaandwrong - I just want to tell you that you are an incredible man and I bet you raised one heck of a son.

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DogsReadingBooks - In the end this is between you and your FWB. You are the ones making the decision. If you're both happy/okay with it, then it doesn't matter what your friends think. NTA. Your friends shouldn't b**t in.

Master-Manipulation - NTA. I don’t see how you are an AH. Plenty of kids are brought into the world by single parents (usually mom and dad walks away). Just because you happen to be in the opposite situation doesn’t make that much of a difference. My only advice is to make sure you are financially secure and get together with your FWB and a lawyer to write everything up and terminate her parental rights

WhipsandPetals - NTA. The mum is already nice enough for even considering another option other than a**rtion, and that option means you get to have another kid that you've always wanted and give him/her a good life. I hope you stand your ground. Also hoping she doesn't back out on her offer.

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These Reddit cheers are loud, but do they hit the heart of the matter, or just add fuel to the family fire?

This story weaves a tapestry of loss, love, and bold choices. The man’s decision to embrace single fatherhood isn’t just about filling a void—it’s about building a future with heart. His friends’ doubts reflect fear, but his resolve sings of hope. Have you ever faced judgment for a deeply personal choice? Share your stories—what would you do to chase a dream against the odds?

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