AITA for wearing my wedding ring to my sister’s wedding against her wishes and “hijacking” her night?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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In a glowing wedding venue, a 27-year-old man’s quiet return to family life stirs a storm. After eight months of marriage, he casually emailed his family the news just weeks before his sister’s wedding, hoping to avoid stealing her spotlight. But at the rehearsal dinner, his mother’s gushing tales of his whirlwind romance dominate, prompting his sister to beg him to ditch his wedding ring for her big day. He refuses, and the fallout leaves her silent and him slipping out early.

This isn’t just about a ring—it’s about timing, tact, and family feelings. Was his refusal a stand for his marriage, or a thoughtless grab for attention? As Reddit roasts his choices, this tale of wedding etiquette gone awry will have you choosing sides—dive in and decide who’s in the wrong.

‘AITA for wearing my wedding ring to my sister’s wedding against her wishes and “hijacking” her night?’

My sister (29f) got married last Saturday. The ceremony was beautiful and I enjoyed myself as much as someone who is famously not a wedding guy could. The dramatics were not quite as enjoyable. I (27m) hadn't seen my family in a few months, and we've only had a handful of phone calls over the course of those months.

It's never on purpose that I pull one of these disappearing acts, it's mostly out of habit. I've been fiercely independent for most of my life and I get easily caught up in whatever I'm doing at the time that makes it hard for me to remember to keep those not in my direct line of sight in the loop.

My mother is the same way. (It's also nice visiting around times when big events like this are going on as my mom is prone to hovering whenever I'm home, and this takes some of the spotlight off me.) I had been in Ireland around 8 months prior to flying in last Thursday.

I was originally there to spend two weeks with my best friend who, thanks to the aforementioned one track mindness I possess, I had unfortunately grown apart from within recent years. Ours was a friendship that had started since we were 14

and was one of the most important relationships in my life for over a decade, and I wanted to put more effort into it so I didn't lose it. He was spending time overseas as to reconnect with his heritage since his father's passing, I was already traveling, and my stay obviously turned out to be a lot longer than two weeks..

It also turned into us getting married. Funny how life works out. About two weeks before our trip the states for my sister's wedding, I sent out a mass email to close family letting them know that me and my husband were married. I wanted to assuage any possibility of us 'stealing any thunder' right from the get go.

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My mom replied that she was hurt that she wasn't told sooner or allowed to be there, which I understood. It seemed her mood flipped by the time we met in person, however. Rehearsal dinner was on Friday, and that was where we all met up for the first time.

My mom was overjoyed to see me and my partner and spent a large part of the night telling stories about she had always predicted there was something different about my friendship with him compared to others I was close with in high school. It was a very sweet moment.

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But at the end of the night, my sister pulled me aside and asked if we would not wear our wedding rings to her ceremony. I was confused, so I asked why. She said I was taking the attention off her and she was already bitter than I was 'hijacked' her rehearsal dinner.

More family might take notice if I wore my ring tomorrow and cause a similar incident. I refused. Like I mentioned before, the ceremony was beautiful but she didn't speak to me for the rest of the weekend and we ended up leaving the reception early.. AITA?

Weddings are emotional minefields, and this man’s last-minute marriage reveal set off a predictable explosion. Announcing an eight-month-old marriage via email two weeks before his sister’s wedding, then expecting it to fade into the background, was naive at best. His sister’s request to skip the ring, while unusual, stemmed from her fear of losing her moment—already overshadowed at the rehearsal dinner. His refusal, though principled, ignored her emotional stake, escalating the tension.

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This reflects a broader issue: 68% of weddings face family-related conflicts over attention, per a 2023 The Knot survey. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Empathy and timing are key to navigating family milestones without hurt”. The man’s “one-track mind” doesn’t excuse his lack of foresight, especially when his family’s focus on his news was inevitable.

Advice: He should apologize to his sister, acknowledging her hurt: “I didn’t mean to overshadow your day; let’s make this right.” A gesture, like hosting a family dinner to celebrate her marriage, could mend ties. In future, personal calls for big news trump emails.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s dropping takes spicier than wedding cake frosting. Here’s what the community had to say, with some sharp jabs at timing and tact:

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Eris-Ares - .., at that point wearing your rings or not wouldn't have made a difference, everyone already knew you were married, maybe it would've been worse because people would wonder and ask why you were not wearing rings.

Your sister, tho, is not completely at fault either. She must've been pretty hurt that her rehearsal dinner was all about you getting married. You should've thought that sending an email wouldn't stop any conversation about your surprise wedding right before your sister's...

I understand you're a carefree guy, but maybe you could've found a better way/time to let everyone know about your neo-marriage. Edit: After reading your comments, YTA. Married for 4 months and let's a few know just before the wedding of his sister and still doesn't see any problem with his actions.

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Mother_Tradition_774 - YTA. You were married for three months and you chose to announce your marriage just two weeks before your sister’s wedding. Then her rehearsal dinner became you and your spouse’s debut not only as a couple but a married couple.

I don’t think people’s lives should be on hold but I do think that when it comes to milestones events like a wedding, the guests of honor should have the entire spotlight to themselves and people shouldn’t take away from that. You had to know that handling things this way was going to take attention away from your sister’s big day.

[Reddit User] - YTA - Normally asking someone not to wear their wedding ring would be a batshit crazy request but I actually get where your sister is coming from. You seem remarkably self-centred and thoughtless of the impact of your actions and behaviour on others.

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How can you not think that running off to Ireland, getting married to someone you haven’t seen for 14 years and then telling everyone 2 weeks beforehand (despite being married for 4 months!) wouldn’t steal her thunder?

Of course they are all going to be more interested in you because what you did was insane and so people will be wanting to talk about that. I think you know it would and that’s why you waited.. The ring request wasn’t really the big problem but your overall behaviour is.

wtfaidhfr - INFO - am I correct in my understanding that you were married for 8 MONTHS and only told people 2 weeks before your sister's wedding?

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Constellation-88 - YTA for deciding that your 'one track mind' is just how you are and that you're not responsible for communicating with your family or planning things that include them. Emailing them to tell them you were married is so exclusionary and impersonal.

I get that not everyone wants a big wedding, but you could've had a small party or at least made a phone call to your parents. From what you say, it's not that they were abusive. You were just lazy. That said, I don't think you need to not wear your wedding ring to your sister's wedding.

Your family's first time meeting your husband is going to naturally have a bit of focus on him regardless of your jewelry or lack thereof. Should've thought about this weeks ago and had a party to intro him then, but it's too late now.

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Huge_Researcher7679 - I don’t know if you’re TA, but I don’t understand a lot of this. You seem more like you don’t understand the consequences of your actions than a purposeful a**hole. 

I don’t really understand why you thought sending everyone an email that you had gotten married two weeks before getting there would have put an end to the “stealing the thunder” concerns. If anything, my mind immediately goes to the opposite.

You may have “informed” everyone beforehand but this is their first chance to ask you all the questions about it. And as it was unexpected and also seemingly fast, people are going to want details and often not care that there’s another event/wedding going on.

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You even say that your mum spent a large part of the rehearsal dinner talking about your relationship and your marriage because she was so surprised and excited to be presented with this information. Are you confused about why your sister is upset?

I don’t think you needed to remove your rings necessarily because the damage was already done by the time of the wedding, if there was any. But I’m a little bit confused by your actions here and can completely understand why your sister was upset even if she asked for the wrong thing.

[Reddit User] - There’s a lot of purely thoughtless people on Reddit lately, and you seem like one of them. You’d been married MONTHS and told your family two weeks before your sister’s wedding in the most impersonal way (mass email).

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Then you go to the wedding, which would be everyone’s FIRST CHANCE to ask you questions about your wedding in person. Of course they’re going to focus on you. You really can’t be bothered to think of others, can you? YTA.

fabledangie - YTA, you waited until two weeks before your sister's wedding to tell your family you secretly married your childhood friend in an international trip whirlwind romance four months ago? The least you can do is redirect anyone who starts making her wedding about your new marriage. Plan your own reception.

pottedplantfairy - Reading your responses, yeah, YTA. And you don't even seem to actually care that you are. You deliberately stole the show, and you know it. You were married for 4 months before the ceremony, and your mom was right to be hurt that you didn't message her before, because you SHOULD have. The moment you got married.. Huge AH.

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Glum-Dress-8538 - YTA. You had 8 months to inform your family you got married, you could have informed your family once you received the wedding invitation, instead you waited 2 weeks before your sister's wedding. And that's what makes you the AH

These Redditors are calling foul, but do their verdicts capture the sister’s perspective, or oversimplify the brother’s intent?

This wedding ring saga leaves us pondering: when does personal pride trump family harmony? The man’s refusal to ditch his ring stood up for his marriage but left his sister’s special day in the shadows. Was he wrong for his late reveal and defiance, or was his sister’s request out of line? Share your thoughts—what would you do in this wedding spotlight tug-of-war? Let’s unravel this family drama and sort it out!

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