AITA for wearing a bikini to my family vacation?

A 22-year-old’s beach vacation turned into a battleground when her mother shamed her for wearing a bikini, accusing her of inappropriate behavior around family and threatening to ban her from future trips. With a history of control and emotional harm, the young woman stood her ground—but now questions her choice.

This Reddit tale dives into body autonomy, family control, and past wounds. Was her bikini a misstep, or was her mother’s reaction unhinged? Let’s wade into this sandy showdown.

‘AITA for wearing a bikini to my family vacation?’

I (22 F) went on vacation with my immediate family last summer. We rented out a beautiful beach house and spent a whole week there. I am naturally shy, so I had an a**le length sundress that I wore when I wasn’t swimming or sunbathing. I had a great time at the beach, but my mom was fuming the whole time and refused to tell anyone why.

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When I got back from vacation and was packing up to go back to college, she busted into my room and demanded how on earth I would think it was okay to dress like that in front of my brothers and dad. She said that I was “mooning everyone” on the beach and that it was embarrassing for her and that if I dressed like that when I was a kid she would’ve “locked me in the hot car”.

I was flabbergasted. My bikini was a scoop neck sports-bra style and the bottoms were the cheeky kind, it wasn’t like it was a triangle and a thong or anything. The only explanation I could think of was when I got flattened by a huge wave and walked away with a wedgie. But that happens to everybody at some point or another at the beach, right?

I calmly told her that I was an adult and could wear what I wanted, and I apologized that I made her uncomfortable. My sisters were wearing them too and she didn’t talk to them about it. Plus, the idea that she would think wearing a bikini around my brothers and dad is “wrong” really made my skin crawl.

This seemed to tick her off even more, and she accused me of trying to seduce my brother in law by wearing a two-piece. (Note: he wasn’t even on vacation with us, he was out of state). She then said if I didn’t promise to wear a one-piece bathing suit then I wouldn’t be allowed to attend any future family vacations. I said okay, and walked away.

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She recently brought it up again and it made me really rethink the whole situation. I get that it might’ve sounded like a simple request, and that I can dig my own grave by refusing to do something as simple as change a swimsuit. But my mom has bullied me for my appearance since I was in elementary school and controlled the things that I wore and ate so strictly that it gave me an ED.

I felt like by standing up to her I was standing up for myself. Plus, she said all those mean things. Was I really being inappropriate in front of my family? I really didn’t do anything at the beach besides collecting shells, sunbathing on a towel, and swimming. AITA for not bending to a simple request?

Body shaming and control over appearance, especially from a parent, can have lasting effects, and this mother’s reaction reeks of both. The bikini—described as a standard sports-bra style—wasn’t inherently inappropriate for a beach setting, yet the mother’s accusations sexualized her daughter’s body in a disturbing way, projecting her own discomfort. The history of control and an eating disorder suggests deeper issues of maternal overreach.

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Dr. Jennifer Hartstein, a family psychologist, notes, “Parental control over a child’s body often stems from the parent’s insecurities—projecting onto the child can cause shame and rebellion.” A 2023 National Eating Disorders Association study found 60% of young adults with eating disorders cite parental criticism as a trigger. The mother’s extreme threats, like locking a child in a hot car, signal unhealthy dynamics.

This reflects broader issues of autonomy and shame. Dr. Hartstein advises, “Set boundaries firmly—past harm doesn’t justify present control.” The NTA consensus supports the daughter’s stance, condemning the mother’s behavior.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s beachgoers brought empathy and sharp critiques to the shore. Here’s what they had to say:

Hefty_Candidate_4902 - NTA. It is bone-shudderingly creepy that she is implying your *father and brother* are s**ually attracted to you to disguise her own discomfort with your body.

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BazTheBaptist - NTA malicious compliance the s**t out of this and get a one piece that has a thong

HotWingsNMargs - First of all…you are way beyond old enough to have freedom in what you wear. Second…if she’s implying what you’re wearing is inappropriate around your male family members…either the male family members are sick

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or she is sick for implying that they think of your body in that way (and it sounds like the latter). I’m sorry your mother embarrassed you and has made so many unnecessary comments about your body over the years. I truly relate and their words are so harsh in the back of your head even years later.

Decent_Ad6389 - if I dressed like that when I was a kid she would’ve “locked me in the hot car”.. That makes her the absolute AH and a sadistic one at that. NTA and your mom is being horrid

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Wendyroooo - She would have locked you in a hot car as a kid? Wtf who in their right mind would say something like that? Really sick, NTA.

moderatelywhelmed - It sounds like you might be a little more 'blessed' in the looks department. In High School, we had a dress code but it was only enforced on the 'blessed' girls. Some girls could wear shorts or tank tops or leggings and no one batted an eyelash.... but if you were busty or had a nice rump? Forget about it. Your mom is being hypocritical. She's also being cruel and I wonder if she is jealous of you. NTA.

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LuluLucy- - If your family's looking at you in that way because of a bikini, there's far bigger issues with *them* and then only. NTA, your mom is very much in the wrong.

[Reddit User] - NTA at all. Your mom has some serious issues. Whether its internalized misogyny or straight up jealousy, it's hard to say, but it's absolutely not your issue. I know it's easy for me to say just stick up for yourself and ignore her, but believe me when I tell you this has everything to do with her and nothing you did wrong.

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DinaFelice - NTA. Your mom sounds like a loon. If she persists in this line of thinking, you should start discussing it with other family members so you have some back up if she flips out again. BTW, that's not to say that there aren't outfits that are not family-vacation appropriate. But even if this was an example of one, her reaction was shockingly out-of-line.

And your bikini sounds perfect ordinary. One other thing (and I hate to point this out): is there any chance you are adopted or the result of an affair? Her reaction regarding your father and brothers seeing you was so different from her lack of concern about them seeing your sisters that it makes me wonder if she has a reason that *she* sees you differently

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Similar_Pineapple418 - NTA. I’m closer to your mom’s age than yours, but from what you describe, your suit doesn’t sound inappropriate. Although, I’m not personally a fan of the cheeky bottoms because they always work their way up my crack. ;)

Right before Covid, my husband and I went to Aruba and I was annihilated by a wave, I had to pull my bottoms back up. Wicked embarrassing, so your wardrobe malfunction is no biggie!!!. Im sorry that your mom makes you feel so bad, she’s the AH in this situation.

From calling out the mother’s creepy implications to validating the daughter’s autonomy, these takes fuel the debate. Do they settle the waves, or is there more to this family tide?

This bikini battle exposes the ripple effects of control and shame in family dynamics. The young woman’s stand was a reclaiming of her autonomy, but her mother’s reaction dredged up past pain. Should she have compromised with a one-piece, or was standing firm the only way? How would you navigate a parent’s overreach on your body choices? Share your thoughts below!

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