AITA for wanting to walk away from my wedding without telling anyone?

A cozy weekend chat meant to clear the air before a wedding turned into a heartbreak bombshell for a Reddit user. After eight years together, the OP learned his fiancée cheated during a two-month college fallout, shattering his trust and love. Now, with their Scandinavian wedding looming, he’s tempted to ghost the ceremony, his fiancée, and their shared circle, avoiding any messy confrontation.

This AITA post unravels a tangle of betrayal, trust, and the urge to flee. Reddit’s pushing back hard against the ghosting plan, urging him to face the music, but is his pain a valid excuse? Let’s step into this wedding-day dilemma, where love, lies, and cold feet collide.

‘AITA for wanting to walk away from my wedding without telling anyone?’

A pre-wedding confession flipped a dream engagement into a nightmare of doubt. Here’s the Reddit user’s story in their own words:

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I've been with my fiancee for 8 years, we were each other's firsts for everything and have never dated other people. We always knew were going to get married and last year I proposed and the wedding was sent for January 2020.

I've never been happier and whilst she wanted a big glitzy wedding I managed to convince her to have a small affair in Scandinavia with family and close friends, then the money we saved can either go to a house deposit or our honeymoon.

We were having a talk this weekend and she wanted us to get all our secrets and issues out of the way so we could start the new decade and marriage with a clean slate. I found this odd but decided to do it anyway as I didn't have much to confess.

When we were at university we had a period of about a month where we weren't speaking, we had a massive argument and whilst I remember clearly that we hadn't broken up or 'go on a break' we weren't speaking to each other. The argument started because she was getting close to some guy and she wanted to open our relationship.

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I was totally against it and she finally agreed with me but wouldn't speak to me. She confessed to me that during this 2 month period she went ahead with it anyway and in her words 'It was a mistake and made me realise how much I loved you'. I could understand if it had been one night, but for 2 months? No.

I didn't know what to say so I just said 'It's all in the past' and pretended everything was ok, but in reality I am very upset that she lied and hid this for too long and I have lost all love for her and any interest in marrying her. AITA if I tell my parents what happened and then just ghost her and our friends? I don't want to deal with her trying to convince me to stay, I just want to walks away from it all.

This wedding woe lays bare the raw pain of betrayal and the temptation to avoid hard truths. The fiancée’s confession about her college infidelity, though years old, shattered the OP’s trust, especially since it was hidden so long. His impulse to ghost reflects conflict avoidance, but it risks amplifying the hurt for all involved. The two-month no-contact period muddies the “cheating” label, as Reddit notes, since the relationship’s status was unclear.

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Dr. Shirley Glass, a relationship therapist, notes, “Hidden betrayals, even from years ago, can fracture trust when revealed, especially before major commitments like marriage” (Source). The OP’s reaction suggests unprocessed grief, while his fiancée’s confession might stem from guilt or a desire for honesty. A 2022 Journal of Marriage and Family study found that 30% of couples face trust issues from past infidelity, with avoidance worsening outcomes (Source).

This ties to broader issues of communication and closure in relationships. Ghosting would dodge accountability and leave wounds open. Advice: The OP should confront his fiancée directly, saying, “Your confession broke my trust; I can’t move forward.” He could inform close family privately to avoid public drama, then seek therapy to process his pain. Couples counseling might clarify if reconciliation is possible.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up fiery takes on this wedding ghosting plan. Here’s what the community had to say about the OP’s dilemma:

Glitter_Voldemort - ESH. She screwed up big time and I don’t blame you for wanting to end things, but YWBTA if you just ghosted her and disappeared. If you want to break things off, do it to her face.

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idkiguessthislldo - YTA, okay don't marry her but don't f**king ghost her??? Communicate you've been with her for 8 years you can have a conversation with her.

Momtotwocats - INFO. How long ago was college? How serious was the relationship then? Was it clear you were still together? If a boyfriend stopped speaking to me for a couple months in college, I'd assume we were over, so how clear was it that this was cheating?

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If someone 'cheated' during a maybe-they-were-maybe-they-werent together period, years ago, in college, and everything was good since then, but Party A ghosted Party B at the alter for cheating, without any discussion, I'd think party A was TA and was looking for an excuse to leave.

Dcamchow - YTA, You guys didn't speak at all for two months and you expect her to just save herself for someone like this? Wtf? TWO MONTHS? Com'on man, get real. I get being upset at the time but you aren't going to save your relationship by ignoring each other and going no contact, that is how you move on from a break up.

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It's no surprise she hooked up with someone during this time. After 1 week, hell maybe if you are patient 2 weeks of no contact no talking I would have considered the relationship dead and buried. Look, I get this sucks to hear, there really is no easy fix here but ghosting on her again isn't the answer.

That immature s**t is what got you into this mess! Be a god damn adult this time and talk about your feelings. You can either learn to get past this or you can call it off, either way you owe this much to the person you claim to love.

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putridgirl - ESH. Her for cheating and lying. You for being so g**damn avoidant that you can’t have an honest albeit difficult conversation, and for considering ending an 8 year relationship without a word to your partner.

sthetic - INFO - what is the relevance of her wanting 'a big glitzy wedding' and you wanting 'a small affair in Scandinavia with family and close friends'? Is it supposed to make her look like a bad person who only cares about frivolously spending money to get peoples' attention, while you are a reasonable and pragmatic person?

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Are we supposed to say, 'obviously her wanting a big fancy party means she doesn't love you anyway, and she wants a wedding not a marriage, so go ahead and ghost that terrible deceitful woman'?

alaskadotpink - YTA I don't understand how anyone could assume they're still in a relationship with someone if they haven't spoken in 2 months over an argument. It's not like one of you was working abroad with no internet access or something, so whatever the reason was the expectation of still being in a relationship during this time period is pretty silly.

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You don't need to specifically say 'we're broken up' to *be* broken up. Unless you both decided you were still in this relationship but just not talking for whatever reason, you're in the wrong here.

Not only that but since you're supposed to be getting married, I'm assuming everything has been good since, and yet you're completely willing to throw away an 8 year relationship over something she presumably did years ago by ghosting her.

LaCienegaBoulevard - YTA if you do it and don't tell anybody. If you want to call off your wedding, that's totally fine, you obviously don't have to marry somebody you don't want to. But to just not show up and not tell anyone? Just seems childish.

Citychic88 - YTA if you ghost. You absolutely don't have to marry anyone you don't want to but to just not show up is an a**hole move.

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[Reddit User] - ESH - she should’ve told you back then. YWBTA if you ghost her. Be an adult and have an adult conversation about it.

These Reddit roasts burn the ghosting idea, but do they fully grasp the OP’s pain? Is talking it out the only path, or does his hurt justify a clean break?

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This wedding tale weaves a thorny mix of love, betrayal, and the lure of escape. The OP’s shattered trust pushes him toward ghosting his fiancée and their wedding, but Reddit calls for courage over cowardice. Is vanishing without a word a fair response to her hidden past, or a childish dodge? Have you faced a trust-breaking moment in love? What would you do—talk, walk, or something else? Drop your thoughts below and keep the convo alive!

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