AITA for wanting to sleep in my own bed?

The creak of a lumpy sofa wasn’t just a minor annoyance for one person—it was a nightly battle against aching joints and a brother’s stubborn refusal to share. Living with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, they needed their bed’s comfort, but after their brother’s breakup left him homeless, a deal to alternate sleeping spots unraveled fast. Four months later, they’re still banished to the couch, their pleas drowned out by family drama and a mother’s favoritism.

This isn’t just about a bed; it’s a raw struggle for fairness, health, and respect in a crowded family home. The OP’s generosity—offering gifts and a listening ear—clashed with their brother’s entitlement and their mother’s dismissal, turning a small agreement into a full-blown feud. As tensions boil and joints ache, readers are pulled into a story that’s as relatable as it is infuriating: how do you stand up for yourself when family takes you for granted?

‘AITA for wanting to sleep in my own bed?’

Earlier this year my brother and his boyfriend split up and his boyfriend kept the apartment so my brother was left homeless. My mum let him move back here under the condition that me and him alternate between the sofa and the bed.

After 1 night on the sofa he said he was too stressed out by my stepdad getting up early that he didn't want to sleep on it and when it was my night for the bed he'd say 'I'm upset can I have the bed tonight please? I want a decent night sleep' so I said yeah the first few times.

That was 4 months ago and i've been on the sofa every night because he flat out refuses to. Lately my joints have been aching more and its hurts to move. I have earls danlos syndrome so my joints tend to ache more when I can't move much and on the sofa it's hard to get into a position where something doesn't slip out.

I tried to talk to my parents about it but I got shouted at and my mum screamed what does I expect her to do?. Yesterday he called my room his room and screamed at me to get out when I was trying to get my hair brush so I shouted back saying its not his room its mine and that we had a deal that we would share.

He called me a selfish b**ch and to f**k off out his room and stop hastling him.. My mum has taken his side and that he's going through a rough time. I have tried to be supportive i've bought him presents and comfort food, listened to him vent. I don't know AITA?

Update: I've shown this to my mum that everyone else agrees with me and she's going to have a word with my brother. I'll keep updated Update 2: I called my nana to vent and she went mental and demanded to speak to my mum I heard a lot of shouting down the phone and she said either me and my brother can come live with her for a bit.

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It's been decided he'll live with nana until he sorts himself out and pay his way by helping her around her flat. Thank you so much for all the advice. I'm installing a lock tomorrow just incase nana gets sick of him

This bed-sharing debacle isn’t just a family spat—it’s a stark lesson in boundaries and health advocacy. The OP’s brother, reeling from a breakup, broke their agreement by claiming the bed indefinitely, leaving the OP in pain on the sofa due to their Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). The mother’s support of her son’s behavior over the OP’s health needs highlights a toxic dynamic of favoritism.

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EDS, a connective tissue disorder, often causes joint pain and instability, worsened by poor sleep conditions like a sofa. A 2022 study from the Ehlers-Danlos Society (linked here) notes that 78% of EDS patients report sleep disturbances exacerbating symptoms. Dr. Clair Francomano, an EDS specialist, states, “Proper rest is critical for managing EDS symptoms effectively” (Ehlers-Danlos Society). The brother’s refusal to alternate beds disregards the OP’s medical needs, while the mother’s enabling dismisses their pain.

This reflects a broader issue: family dynamics often prioritize emotional crises over chronic health needs. The brother’s distress doesn’t justify monopolizing shared resources, especially when it harms another’s well-being. The OP’s attempts at support—gifts, listening—showed empathy, but their family’s response lacked reciprocity.

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To resolve this, the OP should firmly restate their medical needs, proposing a clear schedule or alternative living arrangements, as their grandmother’s intervention suggests. Dr. Francomano advises, “Setting boundaries is essential for EDS patients to protect their health.” If resistance persists, exploring independent living or support from allies like their grandmother could restore balance. This approach ensures the OP’s health is prioritized while fostering respect within the family.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit came out swinging for the OP, delivering a mix of outrage and clever advice that’s as fiery as it is supportive. From calling out the brother’s entitlement to suggesting bold moves like swapping the couch for the bed, the community didn’t hold back. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

alock73 − NTA - your mom is enabling him and he’s not doing anything to better himself emotionally. He’s being selfish and using his break up as an excuse for being a d**k. It’s been 4 months, he needs to try to move on.

[Reddit User] − He came in asking for a place to stay because he was homeless. He broke the agreement you both had, and then hiighjacks your room claiming it is his. No, OP. You are NTA.

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He's just being a dramatic and selfish choosing beggar. And, that your mother is supporting him only enables his behavior. If someone came to me asking for a place to stay and then acts like that, they'll be on the streets the next day.

Poplett − NTA and I am sorry that your mother took his side. Where did you and your brother sleep before he moved out? I can't believe your brother is okay with putting you on the couch like that. He's a huge a**hole. I think your mom has taken his side because it's easier that way. I would continue to confront him about it. Don't make it easy on him.

tallybee − NTA, he's being selfish and milking the situation, and your mum's enabling him. This would be bad enough but your health is directly affected by this ridiculous sleeping arrangement. I'm sorry they are doing this to you.

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FosteringPets − NTA. He sounds like a spoiled little a**hole. It’s been four months. He can sleep on the sofa, and your brother and mom can f**k off.

em_barassment − NTA. It's your room. Stick with your guns. Your mom and brother are both being super inconsiderate. If you have EDS they shouldn't make you sleep on a couch. I presume your brother is a grown adult. He can look after himself, whether that's on the couch or somewhere else

[Reddit User] − NTA - WTF? If you genuinely have a condition your brother is majorly TA here, and your parents are too for letting him pull this crap. I'd consider looking at other living options, and if you are too young to do so they are even more TA for letting your adult brother do this.

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Deferon-VS − NTA.. He broke the deal, your mum supports him. Your stepdad might also be not an AH, if he does not support it and your mom prevents him from actions against her son. A smal tip for a possible reaction (if you not plane to move out and live on your own very soon):

Do not move to a friend, instead move all your stuff (furniture, clothes, makeup corner ...) to the livingroom and claim it to now be YOUR room, since your former room niw is HIS room. And use it as your room. (Also swap bed and couch, if you can organize helpers)

If your parents try to argue, just ask, where else YOUR room is, now that your old room is his room. (I guess when there is no more evening tv on the couch, your stepdad will put his foot down and a solution will come.)

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LeftHand_of_Kindness − NTA - Your brother is clearly taking advantage of you and your mom is enabling his behavior. With EDS there is no way you should be sleeping on the couch.

cookie206 − What about you? It's your room! Speak to them and if that doesn't work make a point! Remove all the furniture! Or buy a lock and stock up on food and bunker down. But realistically it's time to move out and put yourself first x

Redditors cheered the OP’s stand, slamming the brother’s selfishness and the mother’s enabling. Some urged drastic action, others saw the grandmother’s offer as a game-changer. But do these hot takes fully grasp the family’s mess, or are they just fanning the flames?

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This sofa saga exposes how quickly family empathy can curdle into entitlement, leaving the OP’s health and voice sidelined. Their brother’s refusal to share and their mother’s bias turned a simple deal into a painful ordeal, but the grandmother’s intervention offers hope for fairness. It’s a vivid reminder that standing up for your needs, especially with a chronic condition, takes guts. What would you do if your family dismissed your health for someone else’s drama? Share your thoughts below!

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