AITA for wanting to go somewhere while my wife is almost due?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The air feels thick with unspoken tension as a young couple prepares for their baby girl’s arrival, their home buzzing with anticipation. Yet, for one man, joy collides with grief. His beloved 92-year-old grandfather, the wise soul who shaped his childhood, lies on the brink of passing. With his wife’s due date looming, he faces a heart-wrenching choice: say a final goodbye or stay for the birth of his daughter. It’s a tug-of-war between love and duty, pulling at every heartstring.

Reddit’s buzzing AITA community dives into this raw, emotional dilemma, offering fiery takes and heartfelt advice. Can he honor his grandfather without leaving his wife in her most vulnerable moment? The story unfolds with a compromise that might just bridge both worlds, but not without sparking debate. Readers can’t help but wonder: what’s the right call when life and death demand your presence at once?

 

‘AITA for wanting to go somewhere while my wife is almost due?’

My wife is really close to giving birth, and we are both super excited to welcome our baby girl into this world! However, the issue is the fact that my 92 year old grandfather is sick and will most likely pass on in the next week or so. He has been one of the kindest, best , and coolest people I’ve known,

and he had a huge hand in raising me, so I want to fly over there in a couple of days to say goodbye and attend his funeral.My wife feels that this isn’t as important than seeing the birth of my daughter should she go into labor while I’m gone, and while I know that the birth is extremely important , but I really want to say goodbye, and this can’t wait, so AITA?.

Edit: Some of you asked when she is due, and that isn’t for around 2 weeks. What I’m thinking of doing now is to take the car this evening (its a 5 hour drive), say goodbye tomorrow and come home in the afternoon. I will zoom for the funeral. You are all right, my wife is the most important person.

Edit 2: Hi guys! Thanks for the support on this post. I took today off and started driving to my grandfathers town around 2 and a half hours ago. My wife is at home with my SIL and MIL, and my BIL and her best friend live 5 minutes away from her, so she’s fine.

She was really happy about this compromise and gave me her go ahead since she knows how close I was to my grandpa. I’m at a rest stop for lunch right now and the plan is to get there around 5 in the evening, talk to my grandfather,

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and say goodbye to him, then drive back home and be there around 12 AM! I was actually speaking to my wife and MIL and they said it would be really nice if my grandfather picked out my daughters name, as a sort of connection to him for her after he passes on. Thanks!

Edit 3: I talked to my grandfather. It was super emotional to say the least, but it seemed like he really enjoyed it, as did I. I asked him about naming my daughter, and though he refused and said it wasn’t his place at first, he eventually gave us our baby girls name. Madeline Rose, after my grandma and great grandma respectfully. I’m going back home now, but it seems like my grandpa is going to go pretty soon. I’m glad I got to say goodbye at least. Thanks.

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Navigating family obligations during life’s pivotal moments is never easy. This man’s dilemma—choosing between a dying grandfather and a wife nearing childbirth—highlights the emotional tightrope of prioritizing loved ones. On one side, his grandfather, a lifelong mentor, deserves a final farewell. On the other, his wife faces the unpredictable intensity of labor, needing his support.

The conflict reflects a broader issue: how do we weigh personal grief against partnership duties? According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, 68% of expectant fathers feel torn between family roles during major life events, often grappling with guilt. This man’s quick compromise to drive, visit, and return shows proactive problem-solving, but the stakes remain high.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “In moments of crisis, partners need presence over promises” (source: Gottman Institute blog, 2021). Applied here, his wife’s need for emotional and medical support during childbirth outweighs the symbolic act of attending a funeral. Gottman’s research emphasizes that trust in relationships hinges on being there when it counts most, especially during vulnerable moments like labor.

Still, the husband’s effort to honor his grandfather isn’t selfish—it’s human. A practical solution is clear: a brief visit, as he planned, followed by a swift return. Video calls for the funeral can maintain connection without risking his wife’s well-being. Open communication with his wife, as seen in their naming discussion, strengthens their bond. Ultimately, balancing both requires empathy, quick action, and trust in the family’s support network.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s AITA crowd didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of empathy and tough love that’s as candid as a late-night chat with friends. Here’s what they had to say:

SamSpayedPI − NAH Don't wait a couple of days. Fly there now, visit with him while he's still well enough to recognize you, and fly right home. Don't stay for the funeral. Life is more important than death. You've got a baby coming; people will understand (and those that won't aren't worth your time).

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9okm − NAH. ***Neither*** can wait. I'd (personally) stay and Zoom grandfather. I don't think anyone's an AH here, but I agree with u/Fainora \- I think your impression of childbirth is faulty. It's not the lighthearted affair movies/tv have made it out to be. Your wife needs you there. Your grandfather doesn't.

fauxrain − Sorry, but YTA. I empathize with your situation. I just lost my grandmother. I have also given birth. Your wife needs you for support. It’s not about watching the baby being born, it’s about being there for your wife during a potentially deadly medical event. Given how wonderful your grandfather is, I’m sure he would understand.

Fainora − Your thinking is well yes I'll miss the birth and that will be sad but its really nor as serious of an issue. And that's where you're wrong, your wife is upset you'll miss the birth but also she scared and won't have you for support. birth isn't a magical mystical experience its a medical procedure a painful one,

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and some of the complication include permanent disability requiring major surgery at a moments notice and death( a possibility for both the mother and child) Sure it could be a perfect birth and nothing could go wrong, but also a lot could go wrong and how would you feel if you weren't there to support her in that moment.

rbrancher2 − NAH IIWY, I would go see my grandfather \*immediately\*, not in a few days, like soonest, spend some time with him and say my goodbyes and then go back home to be with my wife. Unless travel time is excessive, you should be able to do that fairly quickly and not risk missing the birth too much. I would forego the funeral. Funerals are for the living and everyone who really matters will understand you not being there.

bigfatchair − Yta. You wife and child are more important. Birth can go wrong so fast. If your wife goes through a traumatic birth and your not there she will never forgive you. If the worst happens and it does still happen even with all tech we have. Mums still do die in childbirth, you baby wouldn't have anyone there to make medical decisions for them or bub dies and your not there.

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CrystalQueen3000 − Going against the grain, YTA. I get that this is a tough spot to be in but this isn’t just about seeing your child born. This is about your wife needing support, giving birth is one of the scariest

and most painful things she will ever have to go through and you should be there with her.. ETA As her husband you are also her next of kin and if there are complications or a medical emergency then you need to be the one to make the decisions.

peithecelt − NAH, but call your grandpa, spend some time on the phone with him... You have a lifetime of memories with your Grandpa, you will NEVER get another chance to support your wife through the birth of this child, or to hold this child in it's first hours of life. I cannot imagine your grandfather would want you to spend your energy on his death, when there is a new life you could spend it on instead.

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[Reddit User] − YTA. Gently-ish, but you can’t go. This isn’t just about ‘seeing’ the birth of your child. It’s about being there for your wife as she goes through a serious and extremely painful medical event. If there are complications, she will need you there.

Do you want her to be mentally out of it from pain and medications, making complex medical decisions on her own because you’re not there? I understand why you’d want to see your grandfather but the reality is you cannot go.

suffragette_citizen − NAH, but you need to stay with your wife. People saying you'll be around the rest of your daughter's life aren't acknowledging the very real and still dangerous medical situation your wife will be in as she gives birth. Women still die every day in countries with fully modernized/medicalized births.

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Perfectly healthy women who have had textbook perfect pregnancies, even text book perfect labors...until something goes terribly wrong. Very often, the father/partner is the individual who will need to make the split second decisions when the doctor comes out asking who to prioritize, if an emergency hysterectomy is okay, things like that.

The person who knows her best and has some idea of what she might want in an unimagined situation you never discussed because you never thought it would happen? You need to be there, in person, for that exact scenario. You can't risk that the call won't come through, or your phone died, or you're distracted.

Those are split second decisions where minutes make the difference. It really, really, REALLY sucks that the timing worked out this way, but this is pretty much the #1 job of an expectant dad/partner. Be there for the birth. Both to support your wife and be ready to jump into action if things go wrong.

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These hot takes spark a question: do Reddit’s snap judgments always capture the full picture, or are they just a slice of the chaos?

This heartfelt story leaves us pondering the messy beauty of family ties. The husband’s dash to say goodbye while ensuring his wife’s support shows love can bend without breaking. But it’s a tough call—what would you do if life pulled you in two directions at once? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice below. How do you balance honoring the past while embracing the future?

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