AITA for wanting to get married this year and potentially ‘ruining’ her wedding?

Emma and her partner Rox, after two years together, are ready to tie the knot in a simple garden wedding, embracing their church’s warm support for their union. Their excitement, however, bumps up against the stalled plans of Emma’s best friend Shea, who’s been engaged to Brett for over a decade. With seven children and a history of postponed weddings due to pregnancies, Shea now hesitates to set a date, citing her brother’s ongoing cancer treatment.

Shea’s concern that Emma might “steal” her wedding date—despite not choosing one—has sparked tension, as she expects flexibility this year to accommodate her family’s needs. Emma, having booked a venue, wonders if moving forward without consulting Shea makes her inconsiderate, or if Shea’s claim to the entire year is an unfair demand on their friendship.

‘AITA for wanting to get married this year and potentially ‘ruining’ her wedding?’

Emma’s decision to book a wedding venue reflects her readiness to start a new chapter, but it’s complicated by Shea’s emotional claim to the year. Shea’s decade-long engagement, marked by repeated delays, suggests indecision rather than urgency, making her expectation that Emma wait unreasonable. Emma’s choice to move forward, especially with a welcoming venue secured, prioritizes her own life milestone.

Wedding planning often strains friendships. A 2024 survey by WeddingWire found that 40% of couples face conflicts over date overlaps or expectations with friends’ weddings, particularly when plans are vague. Shea’s hesitation, tied to her brother’s health, is understandable, but reserving an entire year without a date puts Emma in an unfair bind.

Etiquette expert Lizzie Post advises, “Clear communication and mutual respect are key in navigating wedding plans among friends” . Post’s insight suggests Emma could have discussed her plans with Shea first, but Shea’s lack of a concrete date weakens her claim. Emma’s role in Shea’s wedding party adds complexity, as overlapping plans could strain logistics.

Emma could ease tension by having an open talk with Shea, sharing her excitement and venue choice while asking about Shea’s timeline. Offering to coordinate dates to avoid clashes, if possible, shows goodwill. If Shea remains inflexible, Emma should proceed, as her wedding deserves priority after Shea’s long delay, fostering a balance of empathy and self-assertion.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit users firmly support Emma, arguing that Shea cannot claim an entire year without setting a date. They view Shea’s concern as entitled, given her decade-long engagement and lack of concrete plans, and encourage Emma to book her venue without guilt.

Many highlight that Emma’s wedding plans are proactive and reasonable, while Shea’s indecision shouldn’t hold others back. They urge Emma to communicate her intentions clearly but proceed with her garden wedding, celebrating her love with Rox as a rightful priority.

Emma’s wedding plans collide with Shea’s vague expectations, testing their friendship amid life’s unpredictability. Booking her venue is a step toward her future, but Shea’s feelings linger. Share your thoughts below—how would you balance a friend’s wedding dreams with your own?