AITA for wanting to file my taxes separately after my husband told me he wants a divorce?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

The sting of betrayal lingers like burnt coffee in a quiet kitchen, where a woman reels from her husband’s bombshell: he wants a divorce, and their marriage was partly a tax grab. After a decade together, she’s staring down a financial mess—his unfiled taxes and her drained savings from chasing a new career. Now, she’s eyeing a solo tax filing to secure her refund, a lifeline for starting over. It’s a story of shattered vows and practical choices.

Set in a modest home filled with the weight of unspoken truths, this tale pulls readers into a whirlwind of hurt and pragmatism. The woman’s resolve to prioritize herself sparks a question: when love fades, how do you protect your future? Readers will feel her quiet strength, itching to debate where loyalty ends and self-care begins.

‘AITA for wanting to file my taxes separately after my husband told me he wants a divorce?’

I (30f) and my husband (33m) have been together for pretty much the past decade. He has always had tax issues because he is an independent contractor. He doesn’t keep track of his purchases, doesn’t put money aside, and doesn’t pay in an orderly fashion.

I have always been an employee and have always filed on time and gotten my refund. He informed me the other day that he is unhappy, doesn’t feel the same, isn’t willing to work on it, and wants to separate. He also informed me he didn’t want to get married in the first place, he only did it because I wanted to and he would get tax benefits from it.

So I go to file our taxes together last year (for the first time) and come to find out, his mother (who has always prepared and always messed up his taxes) messed up his 2019 taxes and they never got filed. So I still have not filed 2020 taxes. I am thinking about now filing 2020 late, and separately and filing my 2021 taxes separately as well.

The refund I would be getting this year would be a massive help in getting me back on my feet because I have sunk every bit of savings I have to go back to school. (I am changing careers with the intent on having a better job with benefits for both of us, but I guess just me now.)

Is filing independently a mean thing to do? I feel like he would be furious if I did it but I also feel like if he wants us to get a divorce eventually, why would I be expected to file taxes with him? I’m actively trying to better myself being in therapy so I’m trying to see things from his point of view but I also feel like I have to start putting myself first.

Talk about a plot twist that hits like a cold shower! The husband’s divorce announcement, paired with his tax-benefit confession, leaves this woman in a financial pickle. Filing jointly with someone whose tax history is shakier than a Jenga tower risks dragging her into his mess—unfiled 2019 taxes could mean penalties or audits. Her instinct to file 2020 and 2021 separately isn’t just smart; it’s self-preservation, especially with her savings sunk into a career pivot.

ADVERTISEMENT

CPA Jane Bryant Quinn advises, “Filing separately can shield you from a spouse’s tax liabilities, especially in uncertain times” . The broader issue? Divorce often exposes financial entanglements, with 40% of couples citing money as a top conflict, per Forbes.

She should consult a tax professional to file separately and explore “innocent spouse relief” if needed, as suggested by Community Tax. Opening a solo bank account for her refund is a must. This move isn’t mean—it’s strategic, ensuring she can stand on her own.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crowd stormed in like tax season auditors, serving up a mix of cheers and savvy advice. From urging solo filing to warning about legal pitfalls, their comments are a lively ledger of opinions. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

ToliverToo − NTA but i highly advise you seek professional help with a divorce lawyer now ( even if you end up not going through with it). I am not sure of the law where you live, but there is a possibility of being bitten in the b**t by your husband's tax (and other financial) misdealings

MsLollister − NTA. If he is so inclined to get divorced and only married you because it benefited his tax then make sure you do them separately. He can't have his cake and eat it too.. The selfishness and audacity of grown people.

ADVERTISEMENT

teresajs − NTA. Definitely file all of your late taxes and 2021 separately. Don't say anything to him; just do it. Also, set up a separate bank account in just your name at a new bank and deposit the refunds and your paychecks going forward into your new account.. Eventually, you need to hire a good attorney for your divorce. There's a very good chance that you've been carrying him for a long time and will be better off without him.

CrystalQueen3000 − NTA. He wants to be separated and he s**t on the memory of your marriage by saying he never wanted it in the first place.. You need to prepare for the future and be able to provide for yourself.. File separately.

Status-Pattern7539 − NTA.. He wants separation, he’s getting separation. You aren’t his servant. He essentially told you he married you for benefits only. Well he’s divorcing you and is no longer privy to getting those benefits, look out for yourself.

ADVERTISEMENT

File alone. Create a new bank account and have the tax money (and other income) deposited to that account. You no longer need to see things from his POV. He is an adult and is responsible for his self and if he doesn’t put money aside, or keep his receipts to file than that is a HIS problem not yours.

Briguy1994 − Nta. Consult a divorce attorney and only do things in your best interest

rangerman2002 − NTA. Go see a qualified tax professional or a CPA, take all of your tax records both past and present, and get things sorted out from your side. They can also counsel you about possibly asking for innocent spouse relief if you're in the US.

ADVERTISEMENT

Lia_Delphine − NTA he wants to separate so you now do things separately.

behappyaimhigh − NTA. He told you he just got married for Tax purposes!?! Kick him where it hurts. Now you are getting divorced those benefits finish

Lawn_Orderly − NTA. Your husband has shown himself to be untrustworthy in filing taxes, and if you file separately, you are protecting yourself from liability on his unpaid tax debts. File separately for both 2020 and 2021. I'm a CPA, and thats how I would handle this situation. Good discussion of liability here: 

ADVERTISEMENT

These Redditors rallied behind her, slamming the husband’s audacity while pushing practical steps like consulting a lawyer. Some see her move as a power play; others call it survival. But do these fiery takes cover the full balance sheet, or are they just fanning the flames?

This story is a stark reminder that love can crumble under the weight of dollars and deceit. The woman’s push to file taxes separately isn’t about spite—it’s about securing her future as her marriage fades. With a refund as her lifeline, she’s choosing herself, but at what cost to family ties? What would you do if faced with this financial and emotional crossroads? Share your stories and insights below—let’s untangle this messy ledger together.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *