AITA for wanting our hypothetical house to be 50/50?

In a cozy corner of her parents’ home, a new mother cradles her six-month-old daughter, her mind buzzing with dreams of a future home—and a brewing storm. The joy of parenthood is tinged with tension as she navigates a heated debate with her partner over their hypothetical house. Shouldn’t a shared life mean shared ownership? Her heart sinks as he dismisses her sacrifices, sparking a clash that resonates with anyone who’s ever balanced love, family, and fairness.

This tale of domestic dreams and disputes unfolds with raw emotion, pulling readers into a relatable struggle. As she juggles childcare and career aspirations, her demand for equality in their future home strikes a chord. Can a couple find common ground when money and motherhood collide? Let’s dive into her story, the Reddit community’s reactions, and expert insights on navigating such partnership pitfalls.

‘AITA for wanting our hypothetical house to be 50/50?’

My partner and I had a 6 month old baby girl and we are currently living with my parents whilst we save up for a deposit on a house. I am currently on maternity leave, but due to go back in March - however if I do go back to work, my wage will just about cover the childcare. I really want to go back to work (I love my job) but there doesn’t seem to be much point.

My partner & family want me to stay at home & look after the baby until she is able to go to preschool (when she’s 3) and even after that, only go back to work part time so I can still pick her up from school etc. Financially this makes sense as my partner earns a lot more than me. However during a ‘hypothetical’ conversation with my partner, he informed me that as he is saving up for the deposit, it would be his house.

And if we were to split up after we got the house, I would get out whatever I put in. This doesn’t seem fair to me, as I am at home looking after our child, so I literally cannot save as much as him, no matter how hard I try. I explained that should this ever occur, because I am giving up my career (at least for a few years) at his request, to look after our child, then I’d expect 50/50.

He said no, because he’d be putting more in - again I explained that whilst I wouldn’t be putting as much money in, I would be looking after our baby, saving us the money on childcare & putting my own goals on hold. Again he said that wasn’t fair. I said fine, I’ll go back to work and you and me split the childcare costs 50/50.

It’ll take us longer to save up, but at least I’ll get a 50% share in the house. He is really against this as it slows us down massively. He said if I go back to work, then I’ll have to pay all the childcare, because it’s my choice to go... but I don’t see any other way I’ll get treated fairly?. Am I being unreasonable?.

Partnerships thrive on mutual respect, but this couple’s house hunt reveals a crack in their foundation. The new mother’s push for a 50/50 home split, despite her partner’s higher earnings, highlights a classic tension: valuing unpaid labor versus financial contributions. Her role as a stay-at-home mom saves significant childcare costs—estimated at $10,000-$20,000 annually in the U.S., per the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Yet, her partner’s stance risks undervaluing her sacrifices, setting a precarious precedent.

The conflict reflects broader societal debates about unpaid domestic work. Dr. Jane Adams, a family therapist, notes, “Couples must recognize non-financial contributions as equal to monetary ones to build trust” (Psychology Today). Here, the mother’s career pause and childcare duties are investments in their shared future, not mere favors. Her partner’s initial refusal to share ownership equally suggests a transactional view, potentially eroding their bond.

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This situation underscores the need for clear communication. The mother’s insistence on fairness forced a reckoning, revealing her partner’s fear of losing both family and assets. By addressing these fears, they reached a 50/50 agreement. Couples facing similar disputes should document agreements, as suggested by Nolo, to protect both parties, especially if unmarried.

For this mom, returning to work could preserve her career trajectory, but splitting childcare costs fairly is crucial. Open dialogue and legal clarity—like a cohabitation agreement—can prevent future conflicts.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, dishing out opinions with a mix of wit and wisdom. Here’s a peek at their hot takes:

constant_craving − NTA You're supposed to either do free childcare and get screwed financially or pay for childcare with no contribution from him? If you divorce him, you'll be way better off financially because he'll actually be legally required to help pay for his own kid.

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Oh-Lawdy-Help-Us-All − This pissed me off so much. Sit down, calculate how much childcare would be (by the hour) and then use that to determine how much money you would make if you were being paid to take care of your child. Send him an invoice.

Tell him if it's your responsibility to take care of your child solely, on top of paying bills, then he has no right being a part of that child's life. And then take him to court for child support. For real. He wants to own the house but not let you contribute? Seems lime extremely manipulative and abusive behaviour.. NTA.

hoxaou − NTA, do not agree to this. If he doesn’t budge, tell him you’re going with your plan to go back to work and split 50/50. He doesn’t sound like he considers you to be a partner.

Moggetti − NTA. So it’s your “choice” to go back to work, but not his? Sounds like he doesn’t actually value you as a parent or a person. Additionally, even if your salary only covers childcare *now* you are giving up future raises, money paid into social security, and money potentially invested in retirement. Those are financial choices you should be very careful about.

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gustiferrobbins − This is abuse.. Financial abuse, but his proposed agreement puts you in the position to put up with other forms of abuse.. Do not budge.

Elendel19 − NTA looks like you’re just a free nanny and house keeper to him.

mythlogy − NTA. This dude is a p**ck.

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cinnamngrl − NTA, are you married? This is financial abusive. Did you know about this before you got pregnant?

geegeepark − NTA. DO NOT DO THIS!!. KEEP YOUR CAREER. He should be contributing to the childcare as well btw. Learn from me..my ex wanted me to stay home after our son was born. However, I refused as I will never be dependent on another person, my career is a niche field and very difficult to get into.

I did go part time. Within 3 years we were divorced. Had I quit, I would have been screwed (a lesson learned from my mom) He doesn’t get to have a stay at home wife/mom/housekeeper and then get the house is it doesn’t work out.

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LittleBlueButton − NTA This is ridiculous! Not only is it completely unfair it's almost like he's decided that a split will likely happen at some point. I get putting things in place so that you are both protected should the worst ever happen but his refusal to move on this really makes me uneasy about how he's viewing the future of your relationship. It should absolutely be 50/50 and he is being unfair and unreasonable in every which way!

These fiery Reddit responses raise a question: do they capture the full nuance of partnership dynamics, or are they just venting steam?

This new mother’s stand for fairness turned a tense standoff into a step toward equality, proving that tough talks can reshape relationships. Her story reminds us that love and money don’t always mix smoothly, but honest communication can clear the haze. What would you do if faced with a partner who undervalues your contributions? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s keep this conversation going!

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